i would feel moments of sad over the months. but just pockets. i thought of her often. but just kept going on. and didnt feel the grief like i thought i should. 15 yrs later, and i think about my behavior during that time. i tell myself, we all experience it differently. it does not mean we love more or less. there is no right way.

i imagine in the future there will be moments where you cry, or feel sad, and then go one. i think you are perfectly fine.

hug yourself in love and allow you to be. you have nothing to apologize for. more to you, to remember and feel and embrace the good times.

i think the reason my moms death was so easy on me is all my life i loved and respected her. we talked often and always. there was NOTHING left unsaid.

Grandma had been so sick at the end I was actually relieved when the end finally did come, that she wasn't suffering anymore. She went downhill so fast and so hard that in May of that year I was asking God if he intended to take her do it and get it over with and not make her suffer. So when she finally did leave in July it was a relief.

... and that your reactions are not, in and of themselves, unhealthy in any way.


Good luck with your grieving, regardless of how you handle it.

I remember shortly after I lost my son, was almost giddy for reasons unknown to me, I felt better after this happened...

I feel so much better to know that my experience is not that unusual. Whoever used the word "giddy," that could definitely be me. I'm a very outgoing person who knows how to work a room, and that is what I did at the visitation. I have cried, but not the last few days. I know I will feel this loss very profoundly in the coming weeks and months. Maybe it is best I don't fall apart now. I'm very busy with work and school (I'm in the last stages of working on a Ph.D.) and I don't have time to fall apart. I stay busy. I also have two dear cats who keep me grounded.

Sorry too that I didn't see this thread sooner.

Your grieving sounds just like the way I handled my Mum's death too.

Just take care of yourself and be prepared for the times when you feel overwhelmed by sadness.

There is no right and wrong way of course ...

much love to you.
aA
kesha.

that you are not a sociopath ...you're just in shock. I've seen your type of reaction in people who undergo the sudden death of loved ones. It's natural and normal.

They had been married for over 50 years.

When he died, her doctor whipped out the RX pad and wanted to give her some antidepressants. She declined.

I remember talking to her about the loss and she told me that she felt sad, yes but she didn't feel the need for any drugs.

Today she is doing pretty good for a woman her age (almost 83). She manages to continue living on her own while her kids are busy living their lives elsewhere.

The part about her kids angers me. They shouldn't have left their mother to fend for herself alone in a big house. I don't get this part at all. I don't think money is an issue for her but perhaps love is.

I guess it is different for everyone.

I'm sorry to hear of your loss. It sounds like you are staying busy which is very important and you know that the cats are keeping a close eye on you.

Take care of yourself.

now, but at some point you might start to feel something else like sadness, anger, or depression. Or perhaps you won't. Everyone grieves differently.

Surprisingly, I don't have any further words of wisdom on grieving, despite having lost my MIL, Mom, and my Dad all before I turned 40. All I know is somehow we get through it. (Although, I confess that I tend to lean on a crutch --food-- and am now regretting that. I just didn't know how else to cope with those feelings.)

My Dad, and Gram died recently September, 2011. It's ok with what you feel. I'm grieving in a differn't way. My Mom is in CA with my brother, and I'm taking care of my parents dog. When I called thier cell phone, it got my Dads voice on the phone. And like a wave from the ocean, I was swept away with grief, saddnes. I left a voice mail of crying, and apology. I came to this forum to vent, and let out my feelings, it's working..

....My wife died a week ago. I am experiencing grief, in spurts, but overall, I too was amazed it didn't hit me harder. She had stage IV cancer and survived only a couple of months after the recurrence. I grieved more while she was suffering, I believe. Now that she is no longer suffering, that knowledge comforts me and allows me to accept her passing. I accepted her mortality, and mine, many years ago. Like you said, it might hit like a ton o bricks later, but right now, I am just enjoying pleasant memories. We both expressed our desire that the other enjoy life to it's fullest in the event of the other's death. That's what I am going to try to do!

Well, it has been interesting. On the 90-day anniversary of his funeral, we held a memorial service at his gravesite. They finally had set the stone, and his ashes were interred in the base. I have been able to go through the gamut of emotions now, and yes, I have had my moments, but i'm fine.
In fact, I'm very fine.
We had 35 years together, and I'm grateful for what we had.
And I've moved on. I've met someone special, and found myself able to respond to a new love easily. A friend told me that this was the mark of a good marriage, being able to find a new person so quickly. It was not something I sought out, but it happened. And I've been told that I glow. I do know that I'm happy. And things are going well. The children are having a hard time still with the loss of their father. But I feel good, knowing that he is not in pain anymore and that yes, I'm still alive.
The rest of my life is going well, also. Work and school (I'm a Ph.D. student,almost done!) is great. I'm writing my dissertation and another paper to present at a conference, and a paper I presented in March has been nominated for best grad student paper in my state. So, that plus the new relationship and some interesting job prospects are making my life wonderful.
Do I feel guilty? No. I'm alive.

after losing a partner.

I wish you much happiness and love.

There is no need to feel guilty at all.



best wishes and thank you so much for the update.

kesha.

I wish I could say the same, but I haven't gotten much better. It's been three months, now. There's not nearly the amount of tears flowing as there was, but the sadness hasn't eased much. I have been kinda isolated, and I suppose that hasn't helped things, but I just haven't had the desire to do anything. And, I am sure not gonna meet anyone new sitting here at the house. I just don't think I'm there yet. Not that I don't desire a companion, I just haven't gotten there emotionally, and that could lead to some problems, so I'm gonna give it some time. I'm just getting past the probate, accounts name changings, medical bills paying-off phase, which was very tough. It felt like I was erasing Carol's presence from the world, which I guess I kinda was, but I just felt a little guilt in having to do so.

Since my husband died I have been involved in two separate relationships. The first was good at first and then turned sour. The second was slow at first but has now grown to a much stronger relationship than I expected. I have made no big decisions. I have no idea where it will go. But I can tell you that I met both men online with a dating service, and I don't recommend it. LOL. Too many toads. You can see my blog on this for more info. I'll post it here: www.faroutfarm.me
Scroll down for the input about the dating services.
A mixed bag.