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tavernier

(13,258 posts)
Sun Jun 18, 2017, 04:57 PM Jun 2017

I've grown accustomed to his face...

I lost my husband of nearly 40 years, four weeks ago today.

Yesterday I was watching My Fair Lady on some channel, and Rex Harrison was singing this song, although with the words Her Face. It was so touching, poignant, that I googled the musical. One of the anecdotes that they mentioned was that he told the producers that every time he sang that song it was to his wife who had passed several years before.

I thought about how true the sentiment was... many years after the first bloom of love and lust, we longtimers settle into a comfortable and close relationship with our spouses. Just the loss of seeing their most beloved faces and voices brings the deepest pain.

I suddenly felt the truth to this piece of music, and although it made me tear up, it was somehow comforting.

23 replies = new reply since forum marked as read
Highlight: NoneDon't highlight anything 5 newestHighlight 5 most recent replies
I've grown accustomed to his face... (Original Post) tavernier Jun 2017 OP
Lump in throat here... 50 Shades Of Blue Jun 2017 #1
... WhiteTara Jun 2017 #2
So sorry for your loss... Freedomofspeech Jun 2017 #3
Somehow it's the quirky little ways Mme. Defarge Jun 2017 #4
Jim would say "watcha makin'?" tavernier Jun 2017 #5
Memory eternal. Mme. Defarge Jun 2017 #6
My sincerest babylonsister Jun 2017 #7
. berni_mccoy Jun 2017 #8
Memories sustain us. gademocrat7 Jun 2017 #9
I'm always amazed at the number of things that can evoke the deepest of feelings auntAgonist Jun 2017 #10
I live in hurricane country tavernier Jun 2017 #16
I know how the little things can bring a new bittersweet pain. Keep sinkingfeeling Jun 2017 #11
Mr Tavernier irisblue Jun 2017 #12
Yes tavernier Jun 2017 #18
::smacks forehead so he was bacon not sausage not ham huh? irisblue Jun 2017 #19
So sorry for your loss. volstork Jun 2017 #13
I'm still reeling... jazzcat23 Jun 2017 #14
Hoping your good memories bring you peace and never fade. we can do it Jun 2017 #15
Sending you love and comfort 💌 n/t MLAA Jun 2017 #17
so very sorry for your loss, tavernier. tears just reading this. glad it brought you comfort. niyad Jun 2017 #20
Thank you and all who responded. tavernier Jun 2017 #21
you are a valued member of this crazy community, and your du family is here for you. niyad Jun 2017 #22
You are so welcome to hang around here with us for however long you want to ..This group and these auntAgonist Jun 2017 #23

WhiteTara

(30,158 posts)
2. ...
Sun Jun 18, 2017, 05:02 PM
Jun 2017
I'm sorry for your loss. I hold my beloved closely so that when I say "I've lost my true love" I will hold the best memories just as you are.

Mme. Defarge

(8,533 posts)
4. Somehow it's the quirky little ways
Sun Jun 18, 2017, 05:15 PM
Jun 2017

a person has, or had, that evoke such tender rememberances. My sweetheart of forty years was definitely not a "foodie", certainly never had a weight problem - unless it wasn't eating enough. So, I would offer him food without being overbearing about it, saying something like, "Would you like one of these little cheeses?" Invariably, he'd reply with, "Oh, maybe." That meant "Yes."

"Oh, maybe." Gulp.

tavernier

(13,258 posts)
5. Jim would say "watcha makin'?"
Sun Jun 18, 2017, 05:28 PM
Jun 2017

whenever he heard me gathering together pans and ingredients at breakfast time, his favorite meal. I swear I hear it in my head as I putz around the kitchen in the morning. He wouldn't be the least bit interested in my yogurt and strawberries, however. I haven't cooked a "real" breakfast since he passed.

auntAgonist

(17,257 posts)
10. I'm always amazed at the number of things that can evoke the deepest of feelings
Sun Jun 18, 2017, 06:58 PM
Jun 2017

It's heartwarming to hear that music was comforting to you, that you found a piece that even although it made you tear up it did comfort you. How wonderful.

I'm truly sad for your loss and I hope that you have been surrounded by those who love and look after you.

Take care of yourself, these words touched me ... thank you.

"I thought about how true the sentiment was... many years after the first bloom of love and lust, we longtimers settle into a comfortable and close relationship with our spouses. Just the loss of seeing their most beloved faces and voices brings the deepest pain "



May your pain evolve to feeling like gentle hugs and caresses.

kesha.

tavernier

(13,258 posts)
16. I live in hurricane country
Sun Jun 18, 2017, 08:39 PM
Jun 2017

and hurricane is the best way I can describe these past few weeks. When the bands come, it is impossible to escape the emotional chaos. Then in between the bands, I can rest, even laugh with friends. But it is getting a bit easier, probably since I know the patterns now.

irisblue

(34,253 posts)
19. ::smacks forehead so he was bacon not sausage not ham huh?
Sun Jun 18, 2017, 08:48 PM
Jun 2017

Happy memory of there bfast then

::holds up skillet ::

jazzcat23

(176 posts)
14. I'm still reeling...
Sun Jun 18, 2017, 07:32 PM
Jun 2017

from tearing up myself...So sorry for your loss! I lost mine almost 3 yrs ago and it's still very difficult for me to hear music we loved, can't watch movies we loved yet. Time is the only thing that can heal our pain. Take good care...I'll keep you in my prayers.

tavernier

(13,258 posts)
21. Thank you and all who responded.
Mon Jun 19, 2017, 01:27 PM
Jun 2017

Some pretty awesome and thoughtful people hang around this joint. Guess I'll stay a while longer.

auntAgonist

(17,257 posts)
23. You are so welcome to hang around here with us for however long you want to ..This group and these
Tue Jun 27, 2017, 08:54 PM
Jun 2017

loving people are the reasons I lobbied to have a place here on DU for all of us suffering a loss.


I'm always willing to chat privately with anyone who wants to.

Please know you're never alone here.

My best wishes to you.

kesha.

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