They still exist within us. Our memories keep them alive as long as we live.

who looked so much like my mother's photos, as a teenager. It was hard to look at her. It was hard not to look at her.

I finally spoke to her and told her my mother's last name and, yes, they were from the same background.

Every time the phone rings I think it's going to be her (she used to call me several times a day because she couldn't do much else except watch TV).

I miss her so much.

I know losing someone especially a parent is difficult to process. I love my mom to death, she's my best friend and I'd be devastated too. Least you know she loved you very much and wants you to be happy. Plus we do get to see them all again eventually.

Your OP made made me cry. I get it. After I lost my dad I thought I’d die from grief. Please don’t be hard on yourself. I’m glad you asked for help today. That can be so hard to do. Peace to you during these difficult days.

It has been a shock. A month ago she was celebrating her birthday in a restaurant.

I wasn't ready to lose her yet.

I know you don't feel this will be the case, but each day will get easier...not for a while, but in your own time. Don't let your guilt consume you as you did what you could...just not the way you wished. Mom knew and, in her own way, was able to say good-bye.

I had a terrible time letting my mother and father go because they passed 6 weeks to the day apart. A friend told me what helped her was that she pictured her mother beyond a lace curtain sitting in a rocker on the front porch. She felt she was near and that helped her get past the grief. I found that comforting.

Cyber hugs to you and yours.

It's the best I can do.

And she was gone shortly after midnight. I’m so fortunate that I was able to tell her I loved her. I still miss her very much.

Sudden and unexpected death rarely happens as planned.
You will feel better in time.
Big hugs and best wishes to you.

And welcome to DU!

Similar to yours, pnwmom, I live with a bittersweet memory of those moments.

Its just not how it should have turned out, but it did.
Peace, my friend ⚘🍃

It must have been incredibly hard for you to lose them both at once.

💔

I couldn't be there either. I feel like I, I dont know, betrayed her or something. I'm always sad, just holding it together barely. I put up a front to everyone else, all I know is these things take time. So Ill give it time and do the best I can.

I feel better for a while if I just let it out -- which I did tonight, after I wrote this.

Everything is way harder. But, your are not going to feel this way again more than likely. As hard as it is, as painful as it is, it is this way because you loved someone that much. That is the cost, and it is one of the most human things you will get to do. In a way it is beautiful, and what I think is the closest any of us will come to being 100% human and we should treasure that. That is something they gave to us, not only the ability to love so deeply, but to loose so deeply. Its up to us to keep going. For you, for them, for everyone else in our lives. I would not trade one tear for anything less, and I will give more in the months and years to come freely for the love I gave and received. It is as it should be.

Don't do anything more than you feel you can handle...

I had to drag myself onto a plane and fly across the country for her funeral. Coming back, they cancelled our flights -- twice. But I'm home now. Just need some time, I guess.

...please take care.

No matter who the loved one is, there will always be thoughts of things I could have done. I lost my mom 3 years ago. My mother used to mix masa (batter) for flour tortillas in a mixing bowl (hand made tortillas). I never learned how to make them but I use her mixing bowls for other things. Just touching and washing her mixing bowls eventually gave me comfort because she used them so often.

Please don't feel that you have to keep it together. If you need to be alone, please let your family know that it is part of your grieving process, and don't feel guilty for it.

Hugs!!!

No matter how old we are losing our mom hurts. In time memories of her will bring a smile rather than tears. Be kind to yourself until then.

It's only been a month, that's the intaking of a breath.

I know from experience that even when someone is expected to die, the actual death is a shock. And I gather your mother's passing wasn't entirely expected.

My own mother died in 1999 at the age of 82. She'd had a decline, was in and out of hospitals and rehab facilities for about three months. We really thought she'd get through this, and so her passing was a shock. So I know. I will add that if you have any religious or philosophical beliefs, go there. They will help. And if you have no such beliefs, simply fall back on the world as you know it, your mother as you remember her.

I'm finding as I get older, and I'm now 69, one of the strange things about this later stage of life is the losses. Friends die. Relatives die. Public figures die. Even though I know perfectly well, and have known for a very, very long time that this is the natural order of things, it still feels odd.

I'm so sorry, pnwmom. I feel sure your mother knew and understood you but just couldn't speak... that's the way moms are. You grieve in whatever way feels right to you, and if having your husband take you somewhere eases your pain, that's okay.

My mother died in a car accident and was life-flighted out to a hospital in another state. By the time I could get there (after a harrowing 4 hr trip) she had just died, so I understand that wish you have to have been there.

Hugs back to you, x10.

My mom passed of cancer when I was sixteen. It changed my life.

But even at sixteen, I began to understand that loss is part of life, hard as it is, and the pain eases over time. Know that your mother will live on in your heart for as long as your heart goes on. I believe that my mother still brings me strength, even as I watch my own children grow into adulthood. I see so much of her in my own daughter...her wisdom and her courage.

I will think peaceful thoughts for you. Take care of yourself during this difficult time.

One thing I wasn't prepared for is that this loss seemed to bring back all the other ones -- especially when I was 8 and my grandmother (my mom's mom) died. That took me a very long time to get over back then, and last month it all came rolling back.

It must have been devastating for you to lose your mother at only 16. It was bad enough to lose a grandmother as a child -- losing a mother at that age is almost unimaginable. I'm glad you find comfort in seeing her in your own children.

When you lose somebody, that the other losses come back. When my mother-in-law suddenly died last year, it brought back the shock of my son's sudden death, even though that happened six years earlier.

I hate death. Hate hate hate it. It messes you up. Not very eloquent, I know.

It does get easier in time. I can say that.

I'm sorry you're going through this. I hope that you can get your feet back under you pretty soon.

However, I was able to be with her when she passed, and she knew we were there, even though she could not really speak. I miss her terribly. She used to call me several times a day to tell me what was doing on in the political shows and ranting about some dumb ass republican idiot. My only saving grace is that she is not here to see what is going on with our country.

to live where we were. Lost her independence overnite. She wasn't immobile or anything, just changed. [Presented at the e.r. with bradycardia, then a pace maker implant.] Couldn't drive any longer.

She bloomed for six years while with us. She'd call me every day, and I'd call her. We'd chit-chat for a hour at a time. Even after I spent time with her at her place! We were as best girlfriends. She'd report to me all the latest developments on TV. When shrub was on, she couldn't stand him. Loved Barack and Hillary. Wise woman! I miss her bad from 2009.

I too have thought if she was here now to witness what damage is being wrought upon us. 😪

she died by inches...I do not know what is worse....sudden death or watching the mother you knew and loved slip away from a kind, gracious, beautiful lady with a great sense of humor to a woman full of hate, with a foul mouth, and not able to recognize the people who loved her. I feel badly for you loss...mothers are so precious.

My mother had some memory issues but they never affected her personality. So I'm grateful for that.

I also was unable to be with her. She died alone. I know the pain and guilt. I had finally talked her into coming to live with me, but this meant a cross-country move, so I was in the process of preparing to go get her and her little dog and bring them here to my home. She died suddenly in her sleep they say, but she was alone. I had been trying to make sure she was no longer alone, but I was too late. I also had to make an emergency trip there for her funeral. My brother and I still haven't done anything with her house. It hurts so damn bad. I think about her every day still, and often hear her voice in my head giving me advice or just commenting on something. She was my mom, but she was also my friend. Our love was unconditional. It will get better. I can tell you that. But I think it will always hurt. My heart is with you.Take care of yourself. Remember to eat and to sleep. May peace be with you when you feel lost without her. Love to you.

Suddenly I'm eating it for breakfast.

So, no problem remembering to eat.

Thanks for your words, and caring.

My wife and her dad were both ice cream lovers.

Good days and bad is exactly what a friend said that lost his wife a few months before mine. Bad days get farther apart and the rest of the world won't let me hibernate like I did for a while. You heal the pain lessens I guess that is how love hurts.

I too have had ice cream for breakfast because why not.

Hoping peace finds you.

i was devastated--for years--after my mom died. i would love to tell you that your mom is with you a lot of the time, that she sees you and can hear you when you speak, that she gives you signs that she is around and if you ask her to give you a sign then she will (but it will be up to you to make the connection). but i won't tell you that (although i believe it) because i don't know what your beliefs are and i don't want to offend.

but i would like to share the first sign i got from my mom. (the first of so many)

her and i both loved the 70s movie "the great gatsby" and we both absolutely loved a song that was in the movie. the song is called "what'll i do." i bought the soundtrack and we played it a lot. sometimes we'd sing along with it. we bought that song on a piano roll for our player piano. and because we loved the song so much it became "our" song (even though it is about a romantic love). the opening line is: "what'll i do when you are far away and i am blue, what'll i do?" another line: "what'll i do with just a photograph to tell my troubles to?" i always imagined that this is how i would feel when she died (or how she would feel if i died).

she'd been gone a week or two and i hadn't turned on the radio or tv once--i was too lost and preoccupied. but one night my daughter and i were in the living room and i sat down in my mom's chair and i told my kid i was going to turn on the tv. i clicked it on and whatever channel that had been watched a week or two before was playing a rerun of the golden girls (that my mom always loved and watched) with an episode that i had never seen. and the moment i turned on the tv this was what i saw:

Your words of hope don't offend me at all -- I needed them, though they brought more tears.

Today has just been that kind of day.

The only way beyond it is through it. It will knock the energy right out of you and that's ok, let it happen. My deepest condolences, dear pnwmom.

My mom is really ill to.
Your not alone.

In a short time the memories will start bringing joy not pain. She must have been a hell of a lady for you to miss her so much. Stay strong!

By the time I was able to get back across the country to take care of her, she'd become simple minded and childlike and I doubted she understood anything meaningful or important I might have tried to say.

It was 40 years ago and it still feels like yesterday afternoon.

I recently told a young man who also lost his mother at a young age, it never goes away, but what does happen is that you learn to live with it.

Life is very beautiful especially if one has the enormous pleasure of loving someone. You cannot risk love however if you cannot live with loss. As we are not immortal, one implies the other.

If I learned anything in the last 40 years, it is about forgiving oneself for perceived failure at love. You obviously loved your mother dearly, and whether you believe it or not, she almost certainly knew that. I don't know you and I didn't know your mother, but I know that.

In an often ill perceived way, grief itself is beautiful, inasmuch it only comes with love.

Deepest condolences. I wish you peace.

It is devastating to lose a beloved parent. Try to take care of yourself.

and everyday day there is some pinprick remind me that some wounds will be livid for years.

Please remember... one day at a time.
Try to find something to break the inevitable cycles of mind loops of regrets.

Know this... You will laugh again. You will feel good again. Accept that and let it happen when the immediate grieving is over.

Big hug of support.

When it happens I try to stop it by reminding myself that Mom would not want me to do it!

Sometimes that works.

Thanks for caring!

as soon as it began, it stopped. I 'heard' her in my spirit, "Stop, don't do this to yourself!"
And I stopped. Until the next time.
💛, a , a🕯lit for your dear mom.

I lost my mom in 1990. It seems like yesterday.

but you learn to live with it.

Losing your mom is just crushing. Take care of yourself.

And to you sister. Hospice Counseling.
You'd be surprised how well folks can hear. The response often doesn't match the stimuli (your voice) bc they're just so feeble. It's just a function of time. How long is determined by so many things.