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woodsprite

(12,201 posts)
Mon Jun 25, 2018, 10:37 PM Jun 2018

Lost my SIL today.

Just wanted to share that we lost my SIL sometime over night. She said she wasn't feeling good and went to bed earlier than normal. My brother has been in the hospital for a week with a leg infection (strep). My SIL usually called to check on him by 10am and then would come in to visit in the evenings. At about 12:30pm, he hadn't heard from her so he called home and asked her daughter to check on her. She found her in bed with her cpap on. They have to have an autopsy performed, but they said that indications point to a stroke or aneurisym. This is my SIL who had attempted suicide last year. The first thing done when the EMTs and County police arrived was to count her meds, which totalled appropriately.

My brother is devastated, as well as the family. He said he couldn't sleep last night. Was awake until 4:30, couldn't sleep, didn't ask for anything from the nursing station, couldn't pace due to his leg, anxious (which is something he usually isn't). He said he wished he felt more in touch with spirituality, thinking that maybe her spirit was trying to connect. He *may* be out of the hospital tomorrow. I'm not comfortable with the idea that they said they would speed up the IV antibiotic drip to get him home on oral meds by tomorrow evening. They're running 3 different antibiotics concurrently now.

The medical examiners' office wouldn't even come take her body after being pronounced until the family decided which funeral home was going to receive the remains after the autopsy. They said that was a rule the state set forth.

I know I'm going to have to help him through this and through the logistics of it all. He's my older brother (by 7 yrs - he's 62, she was 60). He always relied on her to do the paperwork, insurance stuff, etc. Between he and I, I'm usually the stronger one and the one who will find out how to do things. One thing I have to find out is what happens to bank accounts if they were not jointly held, and a list of other things (wrote them down). Honestly though, today when he called me, told me what happened, and asked me to come into the hospital to be with him, I couldn't think. I couldn't even think of who else in our family I should call.

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MaryMagdaline

(7,884 posts)
1. So sorry for your loss
Mon Jun 25, 2018, 10:44 PM
Jun 2018

It is scary when your sibling loses his/her emotional support. Hope that you have someone to help you as you help others. Rest when you can. Giving emotional and practical support can be draining.

Laffy Kat

(16,524 posts)
2. Oh, woodsprite, I am so sorry for your loss.
Mon Jun 25, 2018, 10:46 PM
Jun 2018

It's especially hard when it's unexpected. It's good that you are close by to help your brother through this.

More_Cowbell

(2,204 posts)
7. I'm so sorry for your loss
Mon Jun 25, 2018, 11:58 PM
Jun 2018

You already know that you'll be the one who gets your brother though this loss. I hope you can remember to take care of yourself, too, while you're doing that.

Sending thoughts your way.

BigmanPigman

(52,266 posts)
8. There is so much to do when someone dies.
Tue Jun 26, 2018, 01:13 AM
Jun 2018

My parents have had to do it for other family members so they are experienced with all the requirements, paperwork, etc. I have no idea where I would even start.

lunasun

(21,646 posts)
12. Condolences to all. Those strong antibiotics besides helping can have some negative side effects
Tue Jun 26, 2018, 07:42 AM
Jun 2018

he doesn't need right now. Hope peace for all and RIP your SIL. Take care

woodsprite

(12,201 posts)
13. I worry about them "speeding up" the administration of the meds.
Tue Jun 26, 2018, 08:54 AM
Jun 2018

I was talking to my cousin last night (a recently retired registered nurse) and she asked me if it was a large bag of fluids on the IV post along with the meds bag. There wasn't. She said the protocol where she was would hang fluids as well as the antibiotics. She said that either my brother or I should check with the dr.

Truthfully, dosage instructions are there for a reason. I know it's not the same as a person, but the last time I encountered someone who sped up administration of meds was when they were treating my first dog for heartworm. They administered the meds over 18 hrs rather than 24 because they wanted to clear out the kennel for the 4th of July holiday. My poor pup ended up dying from what amounted to arsenic poisoning, as diagnosed by an emergency vet. Sooo, I'm not a big fan of trying to speed things up.

lunasun

(21,646 posts)
14. Don't want to say much in this thread, but any problems see if his side effects match up with
Tue Jun 26, 2018, 09:35 AM
Jun 2018

others at askapatient.com . Type in the drug search then click on pt replies. He should know what meds he is on and also know that many people have no problem with higher dosing and he may recover without incidence but I understand your concern.
Ask the dr why bag of fluids are not added and can they be requested
I am sure he needs lots of medicine but yes the speed up could accelerate other issues however, wishing the best and that he recovers safely in this time of loss . So much on all of you right now, my deepest sympathies

Nay

(12,051 posts)
15. First, I am very sorry for the unexpected loss of your SIL. Second, I'd like to
Tue Jun 26, 2018, 09:51 AM
Jun 2018

make a suggestion* -- get about 10 certified copies of your SIL's death certificate as your first order of business. You will need to give one to every institution (banks, insurance companies, the DMV, her employer, her retirement fund holder, her lawyer, etc.) which you will encounter in your effort to help your brother sort things out and remove her name from house, car, etc., and to access whatever assets she had.

Also, find the will if she had one.

*suggestions straight from personal experience.

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