for her to rest in peace.

died in a hospital in 1989, just after they had delivered his breakfast. He was due to be released that morning.

because we were all at a family reunion picnic on July 23 and she looked great.

I'm so sorry about your Dad. Mine died in the hospital too. He had pancreatic cancer and was on the decline.

There's no easy way to lose a loved one. Sometimes a good long cry is a good thing but I understand about the staying busy.

be tough. I live a two hour drive from her house and this is going to be a slow process as she's lived in the same home for 60 years.Thankfully, my sister retired this year and can help.

it easier.

Do not hesitate to let people help you. It will do them as much good as it does you.

neighbors and they have already helped me so much. .

My spouse is in the local care/rehab center. I don't know if he will get out.

the best outcome.

I’m so very sorry to hear about your mom. Wishing you peace, strength and healing to make it through this tough time.

My dad died in '95. I still miss him.

heart ache, but in the years since we lost my Dad (2004) we became close. She had dementia and that was hard to deal with at times. I will miss her so much.

Losing a loved one is never an easy thing. It’s the unexpected death that can be very hard. Losing my mother this past July was unexpected, even though she just reached 90 on 10 July 2018. She banged her head on an end table reaching for her dropped glasses. Unfortunately my mother was on Koumadin, a blood thinner. She had a brain bleed, had surgery to relieve pressure and never regained consciousness.

To make matters worse this happened while the brother my mother lived with and myself, along with our families, were in Daytona Beach, FL. My mom was staying with my oldest brother. He said since we just arrived in FL and there was nothing we could do we should stay and he’d keep us abreast of happenings. It was not a very good vacation. We left Daytona 5:00 am Saturday and drove straight through to Baltimore, arriving at 8:20 Saturday night. By that Monday Mom had died. Sad!

was also on Coumadin since having two mini strokes several years ago. It was always a fear she would fall and hit her head.

She fell twice in one week this past June and didn't think she hit her head. The tests came back negative for a brain bleed. We declined an autopsy, so we aren't sure of the exact cause of death. Since she died alone at home, her PCP wrote the death certificate as "heart disease". Meanwhile she never had a heart attack or stent or pacemaker!

Last edited Sat Sep 1, 2018, 05:47 PM - Edit history (1)

After a terrible loss it is easy to put too much pressure on yourself. Take care of YOU too.

*My sister's dog just died two days ago. She was my dog first but got too big for my condo and I had to give her away. I have been very upset and everything reminds me of her...I try to take my mind off of my grief but little things keep coming up and the floodgates open all over again. My neighbor has heard me crying and gave me some of her Xanax which helps. But I have to be kind to myself and not try to do to much, scold myself for doing something and messing it up since it is hard to focus, and stop telling myself to be stronger. We each grieve in our own way. I have doggie photos and a white candle lit. I will not be going to any events where I am supposed to be happy (like a birthday party). Forcing myself to ACT happy makes me feel worse. If I sleep too much or too little, eat too much or too little, etc it is OK. Time will eventually help but that is not too comforting right now. I got a book called "How to Survive the Loss of a Love" about 20 years ago. I have "loaned" about 4 copies and never got them back. It is about all losses; the loss of a person or pet, a spouse, a family member, a job, a boy/girlfriend, etc. There are no chapters, just single pages of words of wisdom, poems, reflections and helpful/hopeful ideas since the authors know it is too difficult to focus on more than a few pages at a time. My favorite page is a chart/graph which shows how we recover after a loss. It is like a lightening bolt that goes up and down and higher up then back down a little. Over time it does go up but along the way there are the realistic setbacks that are normal and inevitable.
"Let yourself hurt. Pain naturally follows loss, and the loss of a love is no exception. Fighting the need to grieve will leave you feeling more worn out than living with your grief will do. Don't rush yourself through your grief, either."
https://www.amazon.com/Survive-Loss-Love-Peter-McWilliams/dp/0931580439
It is only $5 so not getting copies back was not a big deal. Check it out. Hang in there.

of that these past two weeks. I will read your post over and over to remind me.

Hang on, and please accept the love & comfort your friends & family give you.

Unexpected passing of loved ones are the worst.

My mother passed away 23 years ago,
but she is with me every day in my thoughts and memories.

My condolences to you.

The loss will always be there, but the 'rough edges' wear off with time.

of your Mom.

So very sorry for your loss. The first month after my son unexpectedly passed are a blur in my memory banks. I remember staying busy with the funeral arrangements and then my friends took care of keeping me busy with various activities, but nothing can fill that void of the loss of a loved one. Be kind to yourself. Prayers for peace for you and your family as you search for your "new normal."

You're so right about the new normal. One day I might realize I can't just pick up the phone and tell my Mom something .

So sorry for your tragic loss of the sudden death of your son. No parent should ever have to bury a child instead the parent should die first. No words could ever express the tremendous loss & devastation you feel. I send you prayers your way after another FL friend her son died suddenly last September who said she has 15+ break-downs a day! Hoping you may find inner peace knowing one day you'll be reunited in Heaven. God Bless you. Aloha

Thank you for your kind words of compassion. It's been 5 years, but I can still recall that coroner's visit like it just happened. Most days are okay, our "new normal." Some days are worse, but fewer and farther between. It helps me thinking of how joyful and funny he was and how he would go out of his way to make someone laugh, even total strangers. I try to keep his joy in my heart. Bless you for caring.

Sending Aloha from Hawaii.

I lost a sister not long ago suddenly also , and its going to take a while to recover from it. Lost a brother years ago from a car accident and it was very hard since he was younger and only in his early thirties, but it does heal with time. just takes awhile. Take care.

and brother.

Sorry to hear 'bout the passing of your mother this past August 28th. Hearing from others that my family member age 89 lived a long life wasn't healing. Then his Physical Therapist told me death is hard no matter what the person's age was so that comforted me. After my family member died age 89 after having a left hip surgery then at Rehab at the Nursing Home for 28 days (didn't get him walking only wheelchair bound & neglected him leaving him alone with no call button lying down & putting Depends on him when he used the bathroom the normal way) co$ting $1,000 a day! There was no P/T this Nursing Home that put him in the grave. Once I realized that the Nursing Home was SUED by the Gov't then had to repay back $143 Million for lying 'bout doing P/T I had to rescue him even tho' I have reported to the surgeon on a visit (in a wheelchair transport) from the Nursing Home the surgeon insisted he stay for P.T. During P/T I noticed the therapist who had her toddler walking during my loved one's P/T session then walk out not helping him. I visited daily twice a day demanding to know why no P/T so they made excuses then I went to P/T to find out they weren't doing it just going through the motions not having him walk just wheeling him back & forth but no P/T. He wasn't allowed to walk with a walker so only a wheelchair is what they used. I fought for some type of edible food instead of ham & heavily salted french fries with no water or cranberry juice (he had a catheter) it was so difficult. By then, he was confused so unhappy so withdrawn by then he didn't know where he was? Finally I then had to do a "Prison Break" then take him with the help of the paramedics after dialing 911 outside the building when he crumbled in the parking lot after the Nursing Home staff didn't help me put him in the car (the hospital was too far to go with an ambulance in Hawaii) so I drove him there. I raced him back to the same exact hospital he had the hip surgery. The ER doctor got tipped off he was coming so he said he didn't have Pneumonia so he was sent home to die! By then, I found out I was right the ER Doctor lied so he had Pneumonia, bed sores & infections so weak he was dying. The Home Health Nurse checked in then said he would be alright then his leg hurt so I dialed 911 to get him to the hospital to get checked out in our town not the same hospital that did his surgery. The Physical Therapist actually got him walking at the other hospital so I thought he would make it though he was immobilized for 28 days in the Nursing Home. The damage was done. The Hospital then wanted to send him back to the Nursing Home so he was sent home by ambulance then I got him walking daily thinking he would make it then I found him dead so it's so shocking! The Physical Therapist from the agency was coming on Monday so all weekend as I told the nurse who checked on him on Friday he was not able to get up. So he died 18 days after he came home from a Pulmonary Embolism in his left lung which is fatal. The funeral lady asked me why I didn't give him blood thinners which added to my pain since he didn't get any from both hospitals nor the Nursing Home. It's not his age but all of the above that really got to me so I hope you & your sister find comfort in knowing that we should look at the lives your mother & my family member lived & not in their deaths thought after one year it's still hard. I feel for you & your sister. Aloha