Bereavement
Related: About this forum"What People Actually Say Before They Die"
"Insights into the little-studied realm of last words"
i was reading an article on impeachment someone on du linked to the atlantic and saw this piece.
"Mort Felix liked to say that his name, when read as two Latin words, meant happy death. When he was sick with the flu, he used to jokingly remind his wife, Susan, that he wanted Beethovens Ode to Joy played at his deathbed. But when his lifes end arrived at the age of 77, he lay in his study in his Berkeley, California, home, his body besieged by cancer and his consciousness cradled in morphine, uninterested in music and refusing food as he dwindled away over three weeks in 2012. Enough, he told Susan. Thank you, and I love you, and enough. When she came downstairs the next morning, she found Felix dead.
"During those three weeks, Felix had talked. He was a clinical psychologist who had also spent a lifetime writing poetry, and though his end-of-life speech often didnt make sense, it seemed to draw from his attention to language. Theres so much so in sorrow, he said at one point. Let me down from here, he said at another. Ive lost my modality. To the surprise of his family members, the lifelong atheist also began hallucinating angels and complaining about the crowded roomeven though no one was there."
"Felixs 53-year-old daughter, Lisa Smartt, kept track of his utterances, writing them down as she sat at his bedside in those final days. Smartt majored in linguistics at UC Berkeley in the 1980s and built a career teaching adults to read and write. Transcribing Felixs ramblings was a sort of coping mechanism for her, she says. Something of a poet herself (as a child, she sold poems, three for a penny, like other children sold lemonade), she appreciated his unmoored syntax and surreal imagery. Smartt also wondered whether her notes had any scientific value, and eventually she wrote a book, Words on the Threshold, published in early 2017, about the linguistic patterns in 2,000 utterances from 181 dying people, including her father."
more at link
https://www.theatlantic.com/family/archive/2019/01/how-do-people-communicate-before-death/580303/
Uben
(7,719 posts)I have been in that situation twice, once with my wife and again with my dad. They both hallucinated often. My wife's caused by the chemo and my dad's by his dementia. They both saw people and things that weren't there. Both happened as they slipped closer to death. So as not to confuse them further, I would just smile and agree or ask them a question about it and they would just move on to another subject. Who knows what's going through people's mind? It hurt that they were not themselves, but you cannot fault them for what they see.....we do not see it. Maybe it's a mechanism the brain uses to deal with what is imminent. Hopefully it makes their transition less painful.
underpants
(186,631 posts)Marking to read later
akraven
(1,975 posts)It was expected; he wasn't in pain (thanks, good doctors) but fading.
We recorded (he didn't know). His last words, before deep unconsciousness, were "Tell Margaret I'll be there soon".
Margaret was his wife of 60 years who'd passed 3 years before.
I still cry, and that was 10 years ago.
susanna
(5,231 posts)because she had to "get the wreaths!!!" (She was so agitated at the time she said it that it shook me.) She died one week before Christmas, her favorite holiday, and she felt constrained by dying when, to her, the wreaths she needed to get were the most important thing in what remained of her life.
To this day, her headstone is decorated with a wreath; winter, spring, summer, fall. It's always a wreath. Because it meant something to her, I honor it.
This was truly a fascinating article. Thank you for sharing this; lots of food for thought.
I still miss my sister like fire. Three years and counting.
The wreaths help.
orleans
(34,950 posts)susanna
(5,231 posts)...and you are welcome.
This little forum has helped me more than once in the past few years so I am glad for any small contribution I can make.