...hubby does all the cooking at my house because he enjoys it.

I find it to be drudgery that Im forced to engage in because other ppl cant put food in their own mouths

((Hugs)) I still miss my Mom too,,,, especially around the 'food' holidays,,,,,

this is your first Christmas without her. Allow yourself to feel whatever your heart feels. As much as it hurts, it's part of your process of healing, which is unique to you. The one thing I remember about bereavement is that the lead-up to the holiday or anniversary is often worse than the day itself. You're in the lead-up to Christmas, I hope Christmas day is better and that you're comforted by good memories of your mom. Sending you much love.

Like a tiny spark can live inside of us for a lifetime waiting for a place, a scent, an event, a sound, etc to burst into a flame and scorch us again and again with its intensity. It does tend to get a bit easier over time but something can happen and *boom* the spark ignites and we're left once again with our heart yearning for the loved one missing from our lives.

The holidays and dealing with the loss of a very close loved one, such as a parent, are particularly difficult because our emotions often are close the surface and so many of our memories are built on things from this time period from before the time we can first remember.

Be gentle with yourself and know there are some of us out here who care and empathize with what your going through.

It’s the third Christmas without my Mom. I started preparing our traditional Slovak Christmas Eve meal. I was draining dried mushrooms that soaked overnight. Just flow with the memories MissMillie. Some will make you cry and some will make you laugh.

It has been many years since my mom passed and I still have moments like yours from time to time. Be gentle with yourself today and walk away from the cake and everything else that torments you.

and I'm not going to either.

In fact, the times I'm in the kitchen are the times I most feel her close by.

Everything else may fall by the way-side today, but Mom and I are going to make a cake!

If you decide to go ahead and make that cake - then go for it!

Cake or no cake - I am sending you extra hugs today

Especially if you were close. It will get easier, MissMillie. It will. But it will take a really hefty chunk of time. She was your mom. We have that connection that is as big as life itself.

Sending you love and peace.

...Orange Buttercream Frosting.

https://www.southernliving.com/recipes/white-cake-cranberry-filling-orange-buttercream-recipe

I made the filling yesterday, as it had to chill for 8 hours. So far, so good, I think.

Looked over it and the worst thing I can see happening is it comes out a little heavier because whipped egg whites are a pain.
I miss my mom and dad too and the first year was definitely the hardest. Hang in the and Merry Christmas!

Mom and wife both gone five years here and I still get sniffles making bread for holidays.

Peace to all and good luck.

If your crew is anything like mine, they will eat it no matter how it comes out.

Ease be gentle with yourself.

Set an extra place for your Mom at the holiday meal. Light a candle & tell her you know she is still with you.