Going through the motions, but it's not just another day. (one year)

As soon as I was conscious of being awake this morning the tears welled up in me. It was one year ago when I was awakened by the call that Mom had passed away.

I knew it was going to hit me hard, but I didn't anticipate the physical symptoms of grief all over again. It's hard to breathe, my muscles are all tense, and breakfast did not stay down.

Family gathering for a private memorial dinner today. It will be nice to have the whole family together--it happens too rarely. I just hope it brings comfort instead of a deeper sense of loss.

She's not here. It hurts.