I just found out my ex had wanted to die and was prepared for it when I saw him in rehab. He was 88.

My son told me he had pulled him aside, when we were visiting him, said that he wasn't going to get any better and he was prepared to go. He died in his sleep a week later.

Since then, six weeks ago, my daughters still break down on our phone calls, my son is okay because he knew of his father's attitude and has accepted his death a bit better.

The funny thing is, my anger over the past several weeks has surprised me. I find that I dwell on stuff that has long been settled. I consider that normal but it gets in my way.

But I have a book to finish and after that I have a trip to Barcelona and Paris planned with one daughter. I think of my age, checked my bank account, and said to myself "Now or never." My loving and sweet husband is fine with my going, as he was with all my trips to Europe. He will have assistance from an home health care agency coming by to check on him, do laundry and grocery shopping. Of course, if his health status changes, I won't go.

Life is funny, ain't it?