You are not alone......she lives inside you, inside your heart and mind...

I'm so sorry, sweetie...

One of my greatest insecurities is that Ginny's presence is fading over time. Maybe this is just normal, but it seems like the "little miracles" that would sometimes occur no longer happen. And it makes me miss her all the more.

Thank you for watching over me.

I can't promise I'll always be here when you post, but I'll try.

infrequently for me as well, as time goes on.

and i hate that. i want her to keep reassuring me, letting me know she's still near, or with me, or connected. i still talk to her and tell her to give me a sign but mostly she doesn't anymore. i get angry--it's not fair that she knows i'm still here but i don't know she is, or so i reason... "fair is fair" i want to remind her--one of her expressions.

occasionally i will still hear her voice in my head--sometimes at random moments--and unexpectedly, and that seems to help me feel closer to her.

one of the most recent occurrences happened when i was crying and was interrupted by her saying "get over it" (another one of her expressions) which was the first time i was given a "hint" (she wasn't exactly the most subtle) that perhaps she finds my prolonged grief a bit exasperating. or tiresome. or she feels i should be stronger than i am at this point. i don't know.

my loss is my mom and it's been a little over three years and i so desperately miss my old life with her--so desperately miss her. we were extremely close, we lived together forever, she was my best friend. and in spite of her apparent silence lately i know she is still with me, hears me, knows what i'm going through. i know this because she loved me (more than anyone else in the world) and that energy of love is what keeps her energy connected to me. (still, the occasional smell of her perfume, or finding a certain trinket on the sidewalk that was one of our running jokes, or having a light flash, or the knocking sound on her bedroom wall--a reassurance/a "proof" that she is still here would be nice. i'll ask her for a sign for christmas. maybe then...)

After 5 years & 3 months, I can tell you they still occur. Just when I think I will never have another, he lets me know he still around.

and this morning--thursday morning--A SIGN
walking through the living room--hit full on with the scent of my mom's perfume! omg! it's been a few months and how wonderful to pass through that again.

I feel the same way. I would give absolutely anything to have one more moment with my son.
(((((Derby))))

crispini invited me to an Unsilent Night gathering in downtown, but my folks surprised me with an impromptu dinner invite where I could see my nephew - he is getting so big. The food was good, the company was better. Family definitely helps.

Do what gives you comfort, this holiday season, derby. <3

tonight.

I didn't see this post till now and wanted to chime in and wish you a happy Christmas.

I'm glad you have family around and little people sure make for fun times and awesome memories.





kesha

This year I was actually looking forward to the holidays again, and I marvelled a bit at it. Of course I stil miss my folks, but I am okay.

I am glad you found some comfort in being with others.

Christmas was lovely. I got to see all my folks in East Texas, where we all got snowed in and enjoyed a really White Christmas. While the sheriff closed off the roads and highways in the county to all but emergency traffic, we hunkered down, ate, laughed, and enjoyed each other's company.

I heard about the tornadoes that hit Texas - fortunately, none of them touched down anywhere near us.