So glad you found DU.

Yes, you do what feels best. Write here anytime. 😌

I'm so sorry for your loss. You did your best trust me you did. Mental illness is extremely difficult to beat. I survived 2 suicide attempts. It's very difficult to overcome. You did your best and as a loving parent you shouldn't feel guilty.

Working to defeat Gregg Abbott is a worthy cause to work out your grief and pain.

May your focus give you purpose as you honor your son. His pain is gone. I will keep you in my prayers.

He lost his son Tommy to suicide. One of the ways he survived that terrible loss was to get to work. That was when Speaker Pelosi chose him to lead the second impeachment team.

I send my deepest condolences and encourage you to be gentle with yourself. I also applaud your determination to work to turn back the toxic red tide in Texas.

Watched Raskin on Steve Colbert and theyentioned his son. I had no idea his son died that way. Bless his heart.

His son died just one week before January 6. The documentary is called Love and the Constitution. It might be the perfect thing for you to watch.

If you can find inspiration and connection through his example, it would be a wonderful thing. Sending best wishes that your strength will only grow.

and gave him a reason to get out of bed each day.

If you feel beating Abbott would be something that would help, go for it. You'll help many others in the process of helping yourself. Texas is a mess right now and if you can accomplish this, perhaps it will make you feel like you did it for your son.

No one should ever tell you how NOT to grieve. That is a personal trip you take alone and you are being brave to find an outlet for your pain. Good luck and cyber hugs.

I lost a son to suicide five years ago.

You will never not miss him, and you will think about him every day for the rest of your life. That's okay. And yes, going to see Beto is a good way to get back into "normal" life.

Do what you can to get through each day. I think service to others is a beautiful way to process your grief.

Stop in anytime you need to chat. Our door is always open.

Thank you for telling us. All of us are here for you.

It's a tragedy and a shock. Please know that everybody handles grief differently, so however you feel, is the way you should be feeling. It's been less than three weeks, so you're probably still in shock. Nobody can tell you if it's too soon to do anything, but please be kind to yourself. Don't feel pressure to do or not do anything. I lost my husband six years ago after only 3 1/2 years of marriage. He was only 48 years old and I am still grieving for him - I miss him terribly. You will go through different emotions, probably several times a day. Despair, guilt, regret, anxiety. Grief is a rollercoaster. I am a social worker and I returned to work 2 1/2 weeks after he died, probably too soon. However, the fact that I had some place to go, something to do that helped other people - that really saved me, and has saved me ever since. I sincerely don't know if I would have survived without it. I don't wish that grief on anyone. Again, please don't let anybody tell you how you should be, act or what you should do.

Please don't hesitate to message me if you need an ear.

Wishing you peace,
Kim (aka Choie)

I wanted to say what you already did and you stated it much better than I ever could.

n/t

I can’t imagine what it has been like for you…and I’m glad you chose this forum to post about your son. It’s safe here. Battling multiple mental diagnoses is so so difficult. I’m sure it was hard for your son and I know it was hard for you to watch your child struggle.

My mother made several attempts at suicide throughout my life. When she was in a bad place, I used to hustle home from school in case she had died so my younger siblings wouldn’t be the ones to find her. She finally succeeded in leaving the planet by suicide in 2009. It is a terrible loss and there are so many emotions survivors are left with.

I wish I could hug you. I know these days are hard. I think honoring your son by making Texas a better place in his memory is so very brave.

you think you need help and support, locally.

So much kindness here. Thank you for your replies today it has positive results.
Turn TX BLUE!

wants to transgender, won't speak and is carrying around a stuffed animal. He was in college. I know she worries about suicide, but she herself is at the edge from worry and driving him to med appointments. Mental illness devastates everyone. I hope you can accept that sometimes life is just a mess and it's rare that one person can fix another. We have no magic wands, so please don't beat yourself up.

I can not even imagine. Again, I am so sorry.

I’m glad you felt comfortable enough to reach out to this board. You will find compassionate friends here. As another poster mentioned earlier, practice self care. Don’t worry about a timeline. You’ll make your own way that’s right for you. Please know there and kind hearts here that are willing to help. I wish you peace.

I cannot imagine what you are going through. Please be kind to yourself.

Others have lost children and dear ones to suicide, and they can be with you. Please, reach out. You and your family.

I don't know where in TX you are, but there are resources like this one in Tarrant Co.. They will likely be able to refer or connect you to similar resources where you are. Or check with AFSP which has a national Find a Support Group page.

This kind of grief is unlike any other. I wish I could say something that would be more helpful, but being from a family that has had more than one suicide death, I DO know that it eventually does help to know you are not alone, and that you can talk with people who share this painful experience.

Yes, channeling the energy of your pain into something positive will help to some extent. But there is more to it than that. Stay strong, post here on DU if you can. There are other survivors here.

lovingly,
Bright

I also encourage the OP to find a group to share with in person.

Not only will you find help but you will find yourself helping others.

I think the Tarrant Co. one is Suicide Survivors.

Your county's mental health association can help you find a group.

I attended one which met at my church but was not faith-based in nature. We were facilitated by a team of professional social workers.

there is ALWAYS something you can do from just small things like keeping things clean and organized (a real difficult project sometimes) to the larger things that are probably already handled but never the less, anything you do is helpful and you will make new friends by joining together.

BTW, talking is good for you. As long as you want to, find one of the grieving forums here and go for it. Everyone understands and will listen and maybe help you feel a little better from time to time.

Having this work that you believe in will get you out of bed, dressed and thinking in future ways. It in no way will stop your grief or make it better, you just have to go through that but it can make your life amazing in ways you cannot imagine.

My wonderful brother died, almost 20 years ago now, in my arms of AIDS. I spent a couple of years doing what I had to but was so totally out of touch with anything but sadness. All of a sudden there was a big move in my state to create a state wide LGBTQ+ group. I jumped into it and spent years working in it. I made friends by the tons who I still love with all my heart. They took this know-nothing straight sister of a dead brother and held my hands and encouraged me and my life has never been better. Of course as they say, ymmv. It was also not my son. Big difference. I say go for it, jump in with both feet and pick up trash in the office, stack papers, type/organize, progress and help them keep going. It cannot hurt. I am so sorry. I have 2 sons and cannot imagine your pain.

my heartfelt agreement with others here at DU that helping turn the tide in TX is a wonderful gift for your children & grandchildren.

whenever you need to unburden yourself.

May you find solace in your memories of him from happier times. You'll never, ever forget your son, but eventually the pain of his loss will subside. I know that's hard to believe, but it's true. Everyone grieves in a different way, so only you can know what your next step should be.

If I may make a suggestion, sometime when you feel up to it, you might enjoy reading Jamie Raskin's book, "Unthinkable." Mr. Raskin deals with the very difficult time he and his family went through after his son committed suicide a year ago. It's shocking that his son's death occurred just before the January 6th insurrection, so he also discusses the politics of the 2nd impeachment proceedings. I found it inspiring that Congressman Raskin was able to work through his pain and grief over his son, while also facing the awful mess in Washington, DC at the same time. It's an amazing book and I thought perhaps you might find something helpful in it for yourself.

Take care, my dear equite, and reach out to let us know how you're doing.

Thank you for letting us share your grief.
My husband killed himself July 12, 1998….
My grandson shot himself in the head April 4 this year and, miraculously, survived.
I know I feel better when I do something in an effort to elect Democrats….. but I’m hyper-aware of how little I can do now.
When you have a moment, do what you can. When you can’t do anything, nourish yourself, however you know to do that.

Beto will surely help you feel better, in my opinion.

NAMI has a lot of good information and support and bet Hospice could help also.

don't feel guilty - he would never have wanted that.

You're showing admirable strength, thinking of positive ways to channel your grief. Ways that honor your son's concerns. Ways that will benefit not just your daughter and grandchildren, but countless others.

And please take very good care of yourself as well.

Let's get Beto in, Texas will turn the corner, and you will be part of it. May your son rest in peace.

my daughter is struggling with life in general.. I'm so scared. I can only help when she asks.

Getting involved will definitely help speed that up.

Just remember, E quite

His suffering is over. Some people survive a brain tumor, and others don't. Some people survive mental illness, and others don't. What your son battled was no different than a severe brain tumor.

Do positive actions and do them in his memory. Do positive actions and do them to push yourself forward.

this too, shall pass. Right now the waves are still tossing you and you're losing your breath. Soon, the waves will slow down and you'll be able to manage. You'll manage even though there will still be the odd rogue wave that tosses you and throws you under.

It just takes time.

and come here anytime for support and love.

Like many of us here, I've lost a loved one to suicide. All of our journeys are different. I remember wondering how I could survive the loss and also feeling horrifically guilty when life first began to have moments of normalcy, as if that meant I hadn't loved him enough. I think that the friend who told me, repeatedly, "You did the best you could with the knowledge you had at the time" saved my life. If you ever doubt yourself, please tell yourself the same thing. I'm sure it's true.

If you feel passionate about volunteering to help Beto defeat Abbott and make the world better for your daughter and grandchildren, don't let anyone stop you. If you are like me, at unexpected moments something might spark tears--sometimes something as simple as a retail clerk asking how I'm doing or wishing me a good day, or realizing that I'd just laughed, which meant that for a second I hadn't thought about him. If that happens to you, don't be embarrassed. It's normal. Anyone who has ever grieved will understand.

I'm glad you found us and shared what you are going through. I hope it helps, and that you feel that you can keep turning to us. And I hope you know you did heroic work supporting your son, doing everything you could to keep him safe and alive for as long as you did. You loved him well. Some people are cursed with chemical problems with their neurology that no amount of love can fix.

I do believe that channeling pain into action can be a big help for you in this sad time.

I hope you are surrounded by loving folks who are able to see you through the hardest times.

My daughter tried to kill herself this past Thursday and is currently in the hospital. This is her third serious attempt in the past 18 months. She fled a violent marriage, and she and her 12-year-old son have lived with us since a year ago February. We were home when she tried to kill herself 4 days ago, and I am thankful that we found her in time. I know what you have feared all these years, and it is so scary and exhausting. Please take care of yourself.

I have lost several family members to suicide. It leaves a hole in your heart that takes a long time to heal, if it ever does. You will come to peace with it, at some point. My sincerest condolences.

I read many years ago about a young man committing suicide in despair after the Supreme Court ruled in favor of George Bush over Al Gore. If that young man had just hung in there, he would have been able to see Barack Obama become president.

No one could have imagined an Obama presidency in 2004, but it happened, thanks to the work of many dedicated folks. Your son is gone now. But you would honor his memory greatly by working to build a better world for others.

Peace be with you in this time of sorrow.

Tried everything we could think of.
His father and siblings were all good doctors.
Lost him 37 years ago.
Worst wound of my life.

The person who replaced him as my best friend suffers from bipolar hypomania since 2013.
I've fought nearly every day for him.
But it seems like we're slowly losing him.

I am so very sorry for your loss.

Doing something constructive is a good thing to do under the circumstances.
It is good for you and for those who care about you.

All the best.

hot lines ALSO talk to survivors -- they helped me immensely when a dear cousin attempted suicide.

Go easy on yourself, one day at a time, whatever you need to do. Such losses (I have had one) take years to process, and in my case became a part of me and my grief (mine!) an extension of my love for my lost one. No one can or should tell you where you need to be at, mentally or in terms of activities. Counseling helps at least in the sense that you get to tell your story, to one who is good at being a professional and sympathetic listener supporting you. Anyway please take care, self care, and pursue what you deem worthwhile. For me, doing some normal things, especially for others who needed my help (in workplace), provided a bit of a relief & perspective. Though I was impatient with petty concerns, for good reason.

I’m so sorry for your loss, Equite.

I’d guess your courage and willingness to share, and everybody else posting on this thread to offer comfort will be helpful to many others - both here and elsewhere, as well as helping YOU get through this.

So many people are hurting, and in so many different ways. Comforting and compassion are so badly needed. Sympathy and empathy too.

When you share here, there are so many pairs of shoulders that suddenly materialize to help buoy you up. I really appreciate that, personally.

Nobody should have to grieve alone.

I am so sorry.

I can’t even imagine your pain.

Stay strong!

Wishing peace and comfort for you and your family.

Welcome to the most painful family. Like you, I lost a part of my soul when our son left. His pain was too much. I hope he is at peace now

And I wanted to share this post, if you hadn't seen it:

I got a personal call from Jamie Raskin regarding my son's suicide
https://www.democraticunderground.com/100216988430

Maybe research the stages of grief. There are two main theories, one the traditional 5 stages. The second is based on attachment theory. Key thing is the steps are descriptions not a formal path, and going back and forth between then before reaching acceptance isn't uncommon. There are few worse sorrows than looking your child. Best wishes, sounds like you have a clear intuition and direction to direct your anger towards positive change.

Please don't feel guilty, I can tell you loved him.

My husband has some of those issues and its super hard to know how much to do.

Words can’t heal, but time and therapy can. Just please know it’s not your fault, and it’s also not your son’s fault.

He was too young and that helpless feeling is so overwhelming. Hang in and know we are’s ending you healing thoughts brother.

groups. One was just a few years after his death, and my mother & I went together. It was so helpful to talk with others who have walked that road. Some were newly bereaved and some had experienced their loss many years ago. Those "old timers" said that it was always good to be with others because no one can really comprehend what it is like if they have not experienced it.

The second group was maybe 10 -12 years ago. My church was forming this group and I decided to attend at least one meeting mainly to reassure the newly grieving Survivors that it does get better As it turned out I was still able to benefit from that group; we bonded immediately and were really there for each other.

Even the grief process is different. Ours is two-pronged. We have the loss itself, which most people can identify with, but we also have the circumstances which only we can identify with.

Now, is it too soon for you to get out and do something, anything? Absolutely not! If you feel it is the right thing for you to do, then do it. I can't think of a better way than helping Beto and all our other nominees win their races.

You will make new friends and even find some skills you did not know you had!


There are no set rules on when things are too soon after a loss, because not everyone's emotions and reactions are the same.

My very heartfelt sympathy and love

Whatever you do is ok. Like Congressman Raskin, do it in the name of your son.

of your family before your needs.

Thank you for leaning on us if even just a little. From experience I can tell you that the people here feel your broken heart and hope you will feel peace and safety here whenever you need it.

I lost my son to suicide 5 years ago June 25th. He was 25 and I still cry everyday. This will be the hardest thing you have ever done. You will be in a fog for about a year, but it will get somewhat better. You have to trust yourself on the best way to help that process. People who haven’t gone through this will give all sorts of unsolicited advice. Most of it is not helpful and some of is cruel and callous. There are several wonderful support groups for mothers who have lost their children through suicide on Facebook. I would suggest them and give you the info if needed. My heart breaks for you. You can always contact me and politics has helped me through it as well. Trust your gut and do whatever it is that keeps you going. ❤️🙏❤️

May his memory be a blessing.

I had a major suicide attempt about 8 years ago, when I was 34 years old. I will say that it had absolutely nothing to do with the fact that I didn’t feel loved or supported by my parents - it was purely a result of my own mental suffering.

Please, I hope you’re compassionate with yourself. You did the best you could with the circumstances you were presented with. As with my own parents, there is nothing they could have done that would have stopped me from my own attempt.

Sending you and your family much love and sympathy.

My heart breaks for the pain you must be feeling tho I cannot begin to imagine it.

My own mother passed away just two weeks ago, not from suicide, but from a broken hip due to advanced dementia. I still have not begun to grasp the reality of it, yet I fully understand your desire to move forward and try to make a difference on something your son was concerned about. Just be gentle with yourself and take one day at a time.

I pray for comfort and strength for you. Please know you are among friends and kindred spirits here.

Sending him peace. May your love light his path home.

If it’s a good time for suggestions- on a more practical level I can tell you that I’ve learned that stress is not just an emotion but holds a complex of physiological parts. Drinking lots of water dilutes the saturation of stress hormones in your bloodstream. Putting your right hand on your heart skin to skin calms your nervous system. I don’t know how or why but it works.

The last thing that helps me when I made a lot of pain is new chapter perfect calms stress vitamins. They are whole food derived and they really help me get through stressful times. I have no relation to the company.

Please feel free to reach out to me anytime, and I’m here to listen.

May his memory be a blessing.💔

I’m so sorry for your loss. The pain associated with the death of a child by suicide is immeasurable.

I found Jamie Raskin’s book “Unthinkable” an absolute lifesaver. To hear all they did for Tommy, yet Tommy still succumbed to his mental illness, helped to ease—just a bit—my guilt.

Alliance of Hope has been a huge help ( https://allianceofhope.org/ ) as has “Friends for Survival” support groups. https://friendsforsurvival.org/

No words are adequate to address the pain I know you are feeling. I am so sorry.

for your loss.

That is a sad loss. My heart goes out to you and loved ones. May he R.I.P.
His loss has to be devastating, may you reclaim a grounded sense of peace, and hope. You are so right, take it one day at a time. We all grieve in our own way it's a process. You can't do it wrong.

It would be a positive thing to hear Beto speak and to GOTV, or whatever campaign volunteer work you feels natural for you.

The current Governor Abbot and AG Paxton, are a nightmare. I imagine there are huge numbers of the population in Texas that have ptsd, by simply being citizens there. They've got to go.

Take care, thank you for sharing about your son, he may be gone, but the love never dies. You'd be honoring him, your daughter and grand children by volunteering for Beto's campaign for the people of Texas, and defeat of the the mean spirited, greedy, autocrats.

There's no "right" way to grieve and the process isn't linear. Honoring your son by working to defeat Abbott and Paxton sounds like a good lodestar, but don't feel bad if you find yourself needing to step back at times.

Grief can make us feel disoriented and un-tethered--when you're able, try to find connections in campaign work, support organizations, and friends who will sit with you in your grief.

In a few months, if you have time, you might want to try taking a class in something that interests you, joining a group, or volunteering to carve out a few hours a week just for you. A place free of expectations and questions where you can choose when or if you share your loss.

My sincere condolences.

I responded earlier about my own experience with suicide. My son died from suicide this past January and he too was 25. I reread your post about how you’ve never posted before and wanted to reiterate how helpful the Alliance of Hope forum was for me. You don’t have to join to read the posts. They have different threads too (loss of a child to suicide, loss of a parent to suicide, loss of a sibling, spouse, etc to suicide).

As for whether it’s “too early” to jump into something—everyone grieves differently so do what you think is best for YOU. And there is no shame in backing off if you find yourself overwhelmed.

My husband found work to be a lifesaver, I found I could barely get out of bed let alone work. So everyone is different and things can change as we move along this tortuous path to try and make sense of it all.

Again, my deepest sympathies. Reach out to support groups for suicide survivors when you are ready. I found talking to others who experienced the death of a loved one to suicide very helpful.

I don't have the words, I only have love.

💗 ☮️

My thoughts go out to you and your family, your son's children. I cannot think of anything more constructive and perhaps meaningful to contribute to your son's memory and legacy than working to turn our state more blue. Keeping you in my thoughts with peace and healing.

might like to read since it is of a similar content...

https://www.democraticunderground.com/100216987968

Your post and this one have made me grateful that there are compassionate people on DU,

you do whatever you feel like doing, its never a bad time to do anything
if you can do it.

So sorry for your terrible loss, there are no words to express such a loss

Please continue to share. You are not alone.

Sending you love and hugs.

He will be be with you as you carry on the fight.

I know this pain. My “bible” was “it’s Ok You’re Not Ok” by Megan Devine.
I’ve sent the following article many times:
https://www.huffpost.com/entry/stages-of-grief_b_4414077
I found it helpful, others have appreciated.

No, it’s not too soon if you feel you want to do it. We need all the help we can get and I have a feeling your son would want you to.

I worry about my kids too. Asperger’s, Trans for one. OCD for the other one.

Kids nowadays feel much more hopelessness that when we grew up. From every direction it’s bad news. They hear that the planet could be unlivable during their lifetimes. They see the fascist leanings becoming stronger. My trans daughter sees all the anti-trans legislation and the hatred from so many.

Please know that you can open up here and you will be supported. I know you are going through unimaginable pain and anguish.

Please take care and keep working for your son through your sadness. It’s one way to keep your son in your heart. Remember his happiest moments and keep those forever.

I imagine his children are going through the same thing. Love your son through them.

Note: I don’t pretend to tell you what to do, just what I hope I would be able to do in your situation. Take care of yourself!

Yours is a parent's worst nightmare. If working on your son's behalf gives you strength please know you are helping all of us by standing against Abbott and Paxton.
May you find some comfort and peace in the long days ahead.

Nothing you are going through is normal. You've been hit with the worst thing in the world.

Of course, you're going to see Beto. Anything that can help you for a few moments is okay.

On our front page, there's a thread from someone who got to talk to Jaime Raskin about his son's suicide. Maybe he'd talk to you, too.

We're glad you came to DU.

A deeply disturbing time in my life. It was over 30 years ago and my keyboard is getting wet.
Now, I can recognize the event made me a better person. I have a deeper humanity. So my brother gave me that gift
The part I still can't get over is that I tried to get him help and no one would listen. That will never go away and there is no point discussing it.
You are correct giving to others helps. Do as much as you can.

Too many.

One of the parents posted The Ugly Shoes Club on fb. Maybe as time goes on, you will feel like checking.

I'm sorry for your loss and I hope you can ease your pain and lift your heart.

You chose the right place for that first post. DU is a special community, as you have likely already realized. I hope being here can be of some help.

I'm 10 days shy of a year of suddenly
loosing my husband.
The only thing I will say is...
DO WHATEVER YOU HAVE TO DO TO BE OK.
And screw what anyone thinks.
I'm so sorry for your loss.
It's gonna hurt. I'm sorry.