I didn't realize we had a bereavement group

My nephew's wife Lisa killed herself last week. She was 29 and the baby was in the house with her. My nephew was stationed in Kuwait and was not home at the time. We live in Colorado and she was about 40 minutes away from me. We had plans to meet for Easter dinner, Lisa, the baby, me and my husband. When Lisa met my nephew, my sister-in-law (his mom) tried to break them up. She hated Lisa. After they were married, my sister-in-law snooped through their emails and bank accounts. She is the helicopter mom personified. When my nephew went to college, my sister-in-law picked out his major and all of his classes. To get away from her, he joined the military and did multiple tours in Iraq and Afghanistan. After Lisa had the baby, my sister-in-law finally calmed down. However, my nephew wrenched Lisa away from her mom, brothers, and friends in Alabama and brought her out here.

When my nephew found out that he was leaving for Kuwait, I got scared for Lisa. She was too fragile to be alone. I pledged to have her and the baby move in with us, but my nephew said no. As late as 10 days ago, she wanted to go home to visit her mother, but both my nephew and sister-in-law said no. I meant to call her more but I was so busy and sometimes it was hard to talk to her because she was so down, even when my nephew was there.

So now Lisa is gone and I am alternating between rage at my nephew and sister-in-law for not letting her go home and myself for not being a better person and being there for her, and extreme despair that her son is going to grow up without her.

And another thing. Now she is gone, my nephew is home from Kuwait. His parents (my brother and sister-in-law) are there with him. Lisa's mom and brother are there, too. Would it have been so bad to let her go home to see her family? I just don't understand why they wouldn't let her leave. I don't understand how her husband could not have seen how fragile she was.

And they are not having a service or memorial or anything. I am pretty angry at this. Lisa didn't deserve this. She was too nice and too sweet.

I guess I just had to get this out. I know that grieving is a process but it is a damn difficult one.