But you're never alone here!

That is the only thing that works.

A lot of us here can relate to your sadness over family.

That is too much for anyone to lose.

didnt rly have any big issues, but was always the black sheep.
my big sister insulted me while we were waiting for it to be over. my only bro isnt a trumper, but he is an asshole and i can die happy never seeing him again.
have had issues w most of them since and cant see a way back.

every family needs a node, a grio, a confessor.
i'm sorry for your loss. maybe her memory be a blessing.

Both of my parents died when I was in my 20's (1990 and 1992). My sister and I fought after my Mom died in '92 and we didn't talk for a year or more. She took off leaving no forwarding address.

I was already out of the house. My first husband and I were separated and heading for divorce after he tried to kill me.

I went to a shelter for abused women and made some friends that basically adopted me and I went to holidays at their homes.

My BFF and I met there and we still help each other heal through the crazy that is all around us these days.

My son is drinking the koolaid, but has finally agreed to not talk about politics to me.

He fixed my deck stairs last weekend because they were dangerous. I was able to tell him that his work was the highlight of my weekend and that I was so glad because it was the first time in a long time that we had a very positive experience.

I also went to 12 step groups for years because the first husband was an alcoholic and my parents did some wild and crazy drinking in their younger years so my Al Anon sponsor suggested ACA - Adult Children of Alcoholics (though whatever dysfunction affected a person is also a valid reason to go there).

It really helped to go somewhere for an hour or so and just listen to ideas about getting healthier and be heard for a few minutes about what I THOUGHT about my life. Kind of a way to put myself on my calendar as they say.

But with these people outside my family who gave me acceptance and honest feedback, I was able to step away from the crazy and just live my life one day at a time.

I STILL miss my folks after all this time. I still have tears about my Dad 20 years later. We were close and I miss him SO MUCH. But I also feel they live on in how much I loved them and my memories of the good and bad times we shared.

AND my SISTER came back into my life and is my OTHER BFF. So when we put in the work on our own self and get our own needs met, it helps us be ready in case other people change. They don't always, but at least, if it happens, we are ready for the opportunity to have a healing happen.

I hope you can find a way to have a family by choice that gives you all the love and acceptance you want and need. Even if it's US at DU.

Take care,

Tigress

Your family sounds like it could compete with my on the shittiness (is that even a word?) level, but it's the loneliness that ices the cake.

I hate you are going through this. I've been there and wish I had some words of wisdom to help you get through it.

Hang in there. You have an online community that is and will be here for you.

Sometimes it's best to say "I'm so sorry" and leave it at that. I want you to know that as a fellow DUer, I'm here with you. I will sit here with you and listen. You're not alone.

And yes, that shit Trump and the people pulling his strings are succeeding in their goal of tearing our society apart. I'm so sorry it's happened to you.

i found a few people who will pick up whenever i call.

in the past 5 years, i have had to block only 2 friends. here in DU, i get the news and the arts, and a couple acquaintances.

drop a line anytime. i check Du a few dozen of times a day.

i might be the bluest person in my family. My sister in law became active online recently so maybe i have a new ally indirectly.

we’re not alone in DU. we are together.

someone who is family acts so unattached to other family members.

Just want you to know you are not alone in this.

My brother, older not wiser, never ever called until one day out of the blue
he called to tell us he heard the aerospace company my husband worked
for, for twenty years at the time, was laying off workers.

That is how he started the conversation, didn't ask anything about how we
were doing, didn't even greet us with a "hello."
He was just going on about the layoffs.

My husband told him that, in his job classification he had seniority
and would be the last out the door. My husband mentioned that
layoffs had already happened at his plant and he was secure.

The phone went Click and that was the end of the call.

I would like to think it was his way of making sure we were OK.
I don't know...Glass half full and all.


Tikki

I took care of my mom until she died of cancer last February. I don't have any siblings but I know what it's like to lose a parent.

Thank you for sharing your feelings with us, Maraya. It is not easy to be vulnerable and I applaud your courage. I also commend your insight and thoughtful journey into your own grief.

When a central figure like a matriarch dies, it is not uncommon for the family ties to loosen. That would have been hard enough to bear, but the MAGA infection of your brother's and cousin's hearts is just such an awful circumstance to pile on top of that.

I do understand why your grief would rise up to grip you anew after you went to McDonald's. I miss my father deeply when I have any kind of congestion. Whenever anyone in the family would have a cold, my dad would make aglio e olio, (garlic and oil) which we grew up pronouncing with a bastardized Sicilian accent.

It would clear the sinuses and rev up the immune system and keep everyone else away from you so they wouldn't catch your cold.

Just thinking about my father preparing all the spices in a heavy cast iron skillet brings home the memory of being cared for.

You deserve to be cared for, Maraya. And you deserve to live as your true, authentic self without fear of judgment or rejection.

As I have said, my heart is with you.

Few people seem to be actually lacking the ability to empathize. I think it is really usually a case of burying it deep inside because they don’t want to feel.

Thank you for sharing your feelings. It has helped me ponder those losses I have experienced, but I have people still with me who can empathize and show caring and thus have the opportunity to not feel the great loneliness.

gatherings. It has worked pretty well until my brother-in-law became a born again and now politics and God can’t be discussed. I also find that the Trumpers I know are eager to bring him up as they know I’m a progressive but I just brush them off and say history will tell. If they persist I will go through all the government services they take for granted and help us all live and work. Then stuff facts down their throats like snow removal from streets, police and fire protection, clean water and air, schools and courts to resolve to conflicts and enforce contractual rights etc etc. They will usually shut up after that but I live in NJ a high tax state but we get a lot of services for our tax money, at least where I live we do.

he'll reconnect (probably through his wife), and he'll never admit he was duped. Everybody around him will know that politics is a taboo subject and order will be restored.

I don't know if it's harder to have a sibling who's down the rabbit hole or no sibling at all.

I do know that when my own parents died, I deeply resented having to be the grownup, now.

I miss her a lot.

We got pretty close about 5 years ago during his health issues, when trump was in office. We ignored political stuff. But now he won’t answer my sister’s phone calls. She is very hurt about it. I’m too beat up from other stuff to even try.

Maybe best to spend time on other people who need and want friendship, and let life surprise you some day with unexpected blessings. When you least expect it, good stuff arrives.