Sending peaceful vibes.

I want you to find some peace of mind. Absolutely negligent that the home healthcare didn't send a nurse to pull blood. I hope your lawyers can get you some justice. Don't worry about who is a MAGA asshole. We can't control what others think and do. We can only control what we ourselves think and do.

But I could understand not feeling able to fully trust Trump humpers when it comes to anything important. I think I'd have a hard time with it myself.

They have broken from reality. I heard MGT say that all Dems were evil blah blah blah. Well I a 76 yr Dem , who has NEVER voted for a Republican. I'm not evil. I'm a good person with a kind and loving heart. So when people like her say obviously stupid hateful things, I just consider that her mind is contaminated with fear and hatred for the "other." With a mind like that, she can't possibly be happy and at peace.

RN girlfriend took me to the ER. 3 negative Covid test and it was sepsis. Antibiotics in both arms and I made it. Now we are married.

It's heartbreaking.

In his post.

Loss and grief. Will watch for updates.

it is still fresh. your wife just barely died. big hugs
as true as it is that even if you are told don't bring a lawsuit or if you do and lose, at some point you will need to lose the anger, it's just very fresh right now. But I try to never miss a post from you and can see that you are parenting so well in spite of your pain.

When my daughter was killed I was in a pool league. I kept playing pool and it wasn't to have fun, it was to model having fun for my 9-year-old. But really there was nothing else but Bekah and her death on my mind. My captain, and this was probably 2 months after Bekah died, said to me, "What you have to do is let it go." It actually is not bad advice, but it was grossly premature and there was no possible way for me to follow it at that point in time.

I also heard from people that my grief was hurting Bekah - well I labored mightily to deal with what had happened, and Bekah had to know that. Liz knows your struggle, if you believe there is a spirit still present (which I do).

I'm really glad you've joined a group, i think you will find that the validation of your feelings and being with people who can understand what you're going through is invaluable. Other people don't know.

5 months is like a minute when you've suffered a sudden, unjust loss of a most loved one. you're doing everything right. I hope there may be justice for Liz and peace for you and wish none of it ever happened.

So true, barbtries.

I'm so sorry for the loss of your daughter.

been over 21 years now.

Will understand the anger you feel. It is actually normal.

But you are doing what needs to be done now. Telling someone to let it go will not help.

You are taking the right steps so try and concentrate on that now. You have friends who understand.

enjoy the pups. Hugs to you and Dunc.

without having the knowledge that her death was preventable.
I would be consumed with anger as well.
Hope you get to experience a bit of justice.

looked it up, if the first prescribed antibiotics were not working I'd think that should have sent up a big red flag
to medical personnel. Good luck if they recommend a lawsuit.

All of this, on top of your grief, is a lot to bear. I hope you have family and friends (and your dogs), to lean on.

I've lost two siblings that I thought could have been saved. It makes you feel helpless, and angry.

Please keep us posted.

... hasn't outright killed her, definitely shortened her life and worsened the quality of the time she had left. The worst part is the system that mothered this outrage is structured in such a way there may be no specific culprit. It is set up to create a daisy chain of internal finger pointing. Their best defense sometimes is a good layer of bureaucracy. Be thankful you are not they.

Hang tough, stay human.

and you manifest strength. That is how you show the love you still feel for Elizabeth. I know some of your pain. I lost my wife of 40 years to a leukemia diagnosis that was so slow, that no action was possible despite months of handling by doctors. I remain, 6 years into the loss, angry. My anger has made me stronger and more able to accept what happened. I hope you find peace, the loss is the worst event that can happen in a happily married man's life. Your daughters need you and you need them. I hope for resolution for all of you. The doubts and feelings that are so disturbing and disturbed will begin to quiet one day, when you least notice it. The pain will be a bit less and the burden will be a bit lighter. I say this based on my slow recovery. Life is for the living. It is. May Elizabeth rest in peace, may your heart's pain be eased and may acceptance fill your heart with the love you have for all your women. Just a stranger sending love to another hurting man. PS, your guitar work with #16 (?) is a very special thing. I enjoy reading of your good times. Big Hug Duncanpup.

I feel like we're in a club that sucks that we didn't want to join, but here we are.

My condolences to you, SpamWyzer, in the loss of your wife.

I loved your post.

My husband died in 2017. I have the anger tamped down, but if I think about this or that, it comes right out. I try to stay busy and keep working on finding my way. It is not like your situation. I'm just made at the world.

Everyone deals with grief and loss in their own way, their own timeline. One of the memes I saw was about stages of grief. There are stages, but it isn't like climbing steps or crossing stepping stones. Sometimes we get stuck, sometimes we skip a stage, sometimes we are in more than one stage. All I can say is that time helps some of us.

You were right to think it over before you talked to lawyers. However it resolves, you looked for the truth of your wife's death. If you weren't doing this, it'd eat you up. Better to work it out. Glad you have people right there who care so much about you.

Have fun at the dog park

The meme describing the stages of grief is spot on, especially the part about getting stuck. And then there's the part about thinking you're through a stage of it, and it comes back to smack you in the heart again.

My deepest condolences in the loss of your dear wife.

Over 30 years ago I lost a spouse. He had pneumonia, and developed sepsis. He was 38. To this day I think that his care was negligent. I did seek counsel with an attorney to file a malpractice suit. He was great, and he put quite a bit of research into the situation, but ultimately told me that it would be nearly impossible to prove in a court of law that my husband didn't receive what could be considered reasonable care. It took me a long time to accept the fact that, in my case, there wasn't anything I could do.

I'm not at all saying that you should let this go. You absolutely should not, IMO. This whole MAGAt poison that has infected some of our population makes everything so much worse. Your anger is warranted.

I hope the group is helpful for you. It took me a long, long time to settle in and accept what I couldn't change. Five months is a very short period of time. I remember that it was like there was a big dark cloud over me for quite awhile.

My heart is with you in your grief.

My younger brother died in 1983, at age 29. I went around and around trying to find a reason why he died. It was over 20 years, and I read a parent's comment about the loss of a young child. She said, "Some things are just unacceptable." That once sentence got me out of a longtime low spot. And I think understanding that has helped me with subsequent losses. I still take as much time as I need, but it seems that I have been able to get back on my feet after time passes.

I read your post below. Never easy. Take care.

Patty Duke died of sepsis following a ruptured intestine. She was 69. But why did her intestine ruptured? That doesn't just happen without other symptoms first unless it was from an injury. BTW, she died in Idaho.

May you find continued courage to fight.
So sorry for the loss of your wife.

I think healthcare has fallen off a cliff. We no longer have doctors, you know, those who hold degrees and years of medical training. Obviously, there must be a difference between a doctor and a PA and a nurse practitioner. I rarely see a doctor anymore. Just recently went to the hospital because I thought I broke my hip. The nurse practitioner came into my room for 2 minutes and diagnosed me. Felt like I was in a cattle call or something. They just want to get done with you and move on to the next patient. All I can say is thank god for the internet. You have to be your own advocate. In America, we have state of the art medical facilities with inadequate staffing and pay gaps that favor only those at the top.

My deepest sympathy for your loss. This is happening all over the country. Doctors and clinics are still backed up from what medical procedures, visits, and surgeries did not happen during COVID.
Medical professionals are burning out and leaving the profession. 175 K doctors have left practicing medicine this year.

So all of our needs are not being addressed. The capitalist model for healthcare is simply not working! Thus we have tragedies for lack of access. SOMETHING HAS TO GIVE!!

You're in our thoughts.

But Liz wasn't old. You may have a chance of someone picking up your case. My x died of Lewy Body. He was in the military for almost 20 years...Viet Nam, Iraq. Also Turkey and Thailand. Developed COPD. He was subjected to all kinds of chemicals. The military takes little to no responsibility for these illnesses. I still think it's related to his time in service. I'm hoping better for you. These establishments are hardly ever held accountable. Way too much cover up.

Your doggie stories remind me of two of my loves. My golden was Luke and my shepherd was Louis. Awesome pups, among others. Enjoy those pups today. Golden pups look like little teddy bears or something. Soooo cute.

Hang in there, Duncanpup. And know we're here for you.

Sending you all of our love here, from our pup Josie too, and the boys Jasper and Midnight (cats).

Seems as if you have a very sound case.

Medical negligence killed my mom in Florida. I couldn't sue

pain and righteous anger. Just know that your DU family is here for you and yours.

May justice prevail.

Take good care of yourself, Duncanpup, and remember we’re here for you.

From your post it was obvious you weren’t really processing it, almost as if nothing had happened. I remember thinking, oh damn, this guy is going to crash hard in just a few weeks. So now it appears that this cannon ball has hit you hard in the chest and doubled you over. First of all, breathe! You need oxygen and plenty of it. I’m glad you are taking the pup out, or he is taking you. Either way, walk and breathe and concentrate on nothing else for ten minutes.
Were they negligent? Who knows. They will have their lawyers and their proof and logic. Covid made everything very complicated. But one fact remains… you are alive and the one thing you can do is take care of you. For your kids, your grandkids, yourself.
I sound like a know it all, don’t I, but I’ve been through a similar story not too awfully long ago.

I know you like laughter because I’ve seen you post jokes. I often just turn a comedian on Netflix because I feel a lot healthier after an hour of laughter. Try it.

Anyway, you know we care so don’t stop sharing.

'suggests' negligence to me.

(I am an attorney, tho not a useful specialty, imo, and have seen numerous doctors recently, so more than usually familiar with their practices. There ARE good ones around.)

diagnosed him over the phone for an issue and just told him to take more of his meds. This, after he was hospitalized twice for cardiomyopathy. He died shortly afterwards from sepsis. Doc was going through a nasty divorce and was very distracted. I thought about suing but was too exhausted after nine months of hospitalizations. That was 35 years ago. I’m still pissed off.

I know the anger and rage all too well...my mother was stolen from us in 2020 during the height of the dusinformation and pandemic. She was hospitalized for a fall that shattered her ankle and never returned home. She contracted COVID as the coup de gras to her cancer and other health issues making her susceptible to the worst outcomes and that was what we got. No funeral. A tiny, family only memoial and then we were left with the grief, the chasm in our lives and that motherfucker Trump and his fucking fans running their mouths ever since...

I find myself wishing for Trump to die every day. I want to read that he was found dead a la Scalia or murdered on camera like JFK or RFK. As long as he is gone, i couldn't care less how, just that he is gone. I feel your pain, and while it won't help, know that you are not alone.

They all hide behind liability though. They hedge every diagnosis. As long as they give 'standard care' they're probably safe. Pain in head? Antibiotics. If you drop dead of a brain tumor a week later, they're safe. Standard care for pain in head. I had rounds and rounds of antibiotics. There wasn't a live bug inside of me. I was still sick. I was told I had Lyme, in my sinus. All bull crap. They are taught to underpromise and over deliver, reassure, and backup with tests. If they haven't seen your condition before, they might well miss it. We should all run symptoms past Chatagp, or Google them.

I don't ever want to go to the hospital or a doctor. So far, so good.

That in and of itself would be simple negligence. Your wife could have had sepsis due to a strain of bacteria that is resistant to antibiotics and the only way to know would have been to culture it. Continuing to treat a resistant strain with regular antibiotics would obviously be futile and stronger medications would have been needed (like vancomycin, for example).

Alternatively, the sepsis might not have even been caused by bacteria: Fungi can also cause sepsis and again, blood cultures are the only means of determining the cause. Antibiotics are completely useless against fungi and require a totally different class of medications.

Note: I’m a nurse with almost 10 years of experience in critical care and have cared for patients who’ve had antibiotic-resistant bacterial infections, fungal infections and sepsis.

and I'm NOT a medical professional.

What rationale could they have had for not doing that?

I’m so sorry, Duncanpup. November 21st. The holidays have got to be the worst time to have to go through sorrow and pain and a deep emotional loss, not that the death of a loved one isn’t hard enough ANY time of year.

I’m so glad - even feeling somewhat honored - that you’d want to share your grief here with us. And trust your broken heart to us. And let us in, to stand with you and keep a vigil with you - even though it’s on a nameless, faceless community on the internet.

Please keep us posted on this journey that was forced upon you. MANY pairs of strong shoulders are here to listen, help, sympathize, empathize, and lift you up. Don’t forget that.

You do not mourn alone.

I’m still mourning the passing of my dad. He died 48 years ago and some days are harder than most. I think about my grief and how his whole generation is gone and the grieving never ends. You just somehow learn to live with it. It’s okay to close the doors and shut everyone out for a few hours. My mother passed 18 months ago, my baby brother 4 years ago and several cousins that were dear to me passed recently. My thoughts are with you. Hugs. Xx

What you have and are facing is unimaginable. Please continue to talk to us and let us listen. I don’t have any words, but I can listen and send you energy to do what you and your girls need to do. You are a very, very fine man, husband, father, grandfather, and leader of the furry pack. I believe your beloved, Elizabeth, will always be near you somehow.

Good luck.
Looking back on our past communications it is clear you are one strong person.

What a horror story. All of this agony.

I am so sorry you are going through this, but I hope it puts you farther along the road toward healing as some answers come into view. Wishing you more and more moments of doggie and child/grandchild peace and nurturing to help you through this enormous change. And the care you can always get here on DU…

Big hugs!

for some justice. So tragic when it could have been prevented. Very sorry to hear of your loss, and feel privileged you let us all know.
Hang in there and hope the pups had a good play date. ED

most people know their bodies so don’t just discount someone’s complaints. I’m an attorney in NJ who has formerly represented plaintiffs in medical malpractice cases. In NJ, medical malpractice cases are difficult to win due to a variety of reasons. I sued the cardiologists who 15 years ago let her bleed to death in the recovery room after having a cardiac cauterization with stent placed for a blocked artery. In the recovery room she had text book signs of bleeding but they didn’t do anything about it for 4 hours. When I confronted the interventional cardiologist he said he could have fix the bleeding but was waiting for the interventional radiologist. So o looked him square in the eye and said “so my mother died because of billing decision. That is, the interventional radiologist would be pissed off you took his procedure.” As a post script, when the interventional radiologist arrived in the hospital he was livid that nothing was done for my mother for four hours and was barking orders, but it was too late. My mother, 65yo, and otherwise very healthy died a miserable death from sepsis. What was l low risk procedure turned into a miserable death.

I'm so sorry that you lost your sweet Elizabeth.

I understand the need to vent and be angry. I would be extremely furious as well in your shoes. DU is a great place and outlet for this.

The advice, when dealing with lawyers and when/if you are deposed, you need to put this anger in a box and put it aside. You must be 100% in control and 100% present in the moment. You will likely be asked questions you will not like as the other lawyers want to set their narrative. Questions such as "Why did you wait so long" are going to come out.

From the bottom of my heart

That bit was like a ray of sunshine peeking through dark clouds. 🙂 glad to hear you are attending a grief group and getting out to the dog park with Dunc. Sometimes it's the little things that keep us going through he darkest times.

Best of luck with the lawyers and your quest for justice. It does sound like there are some serious questions surrounding your wife's death, and I hope you can get to the bottom of things.

Take care of yourself, heep us posted and give Dunc a big hug for me.

🕯🙏🩵🤍🩷🙏🕯

late husband like crazy.

I'm so sorry you're going through all of this.

As I don’t know you, but I do see you and acknowledge you and hold you in your grief and your justified anger.

I haven't been here that often recently and just read this.