Bereavement
Related: About this forumSunday morning I say goodbye to the love of my life
3AM,Thursday my wife had a massive stroke. She screamed and said she cant move her leg. After that she lost the ability to speak, and lost the use of her left arm. EMS got here quickly and took her to Central Baptist in Lexington Ky. She was then heavily sedated, and was put on life support. The Blood clot was lodged in her brain stem
The doctors were honest about her chances. There is no chance for recovery. Life support will be disconnected tomorrow morning.
For 42 years we lived a life full of love. Our love was quite evident to all. We never quarreled, when there was tension it was my cluelessness at fault. I already miss her, and always will.
Jae, I love you and will until I draw my last breath
CANADIANBEAVER69
(565 posts)spooky3
(35,978 posts)LetMyPeopleVote
(153,868 posts)Srkdqltr
(7,568 posts)Attilatheblond
(4,156 posts)Take care of yourself, as she would want to do if she could.
Wingus Dingus
(8,327 posts)underpants
(186,337 posts)FalloutShelter
(12,699 posts)CaliforniaPeggy
(151,818 posts)alfredo
(60,131 posts)They turned off life support including oxygen at 3:30. Shes still breathing. She will not be all good, shes locked in. She still reacts to pain, but the response is weak.
Im staying here to the bitter end. I owe it to her. She stood with me through my Crohns disease and Cancer, and even if she didnt Id still be here.
claudette
(4,389 posts)Those of us with similar experience can feel your pain. 🙏
CaliforniaPeggy
(151,818 posts)CentralMass
(15,462 posts)leftieNanner
(15,671 posts)kozar
(2,763 posts)Just sending out DU Love,
KozandLilBit
Deuxcents
(19,444 posts)Wishing you peace across the miles
onecaliberal
(35,529 posts)sinkingfeeling
(52,958 posts)Ocelot II
(120,150 posts)sdfernando
(5,347 posts)I can't imagine what you and your family are going through. Just know that your DU family is here to listen and support you.
Peace and love.
brer cat
(26,063 posts)I hope that in time your memories will bring you some measure of peace.
Scrivener7
(52,397 posts)Shellback Squid
(9,069 posts)Goddessartist
(2,067 posts)May she fly high. Sending you love.
blm
(113,762 posts)🕯️
mobeau69
(11,532 posts)Peace be with you.
nocoincidences
(2,313 posts)having his horrible level of grief after so many years of happiness.
There are not words enough....
cate94
(2,879 posts)May she rest in peace
ms liberty
(9,788 posts)Bundbuster
(4,018 posts)Docreed2003
(17,680 posts)I'm so very sorry for your loss
Mousetoescamper
(4,952 posts)PortTack
(34,408 posts)CottonBear
(21,613 posts)May Jaes memory be a blessing to you, your family, and her loved ones.
OhioChick
(23,218 posts)PlutosHeart
(1,445 posts)I really feel for you both.
lapucelle
(19,518 posts)Your post is a beautiful tribute to your wife and to your "love story".
gopiscrap
(24,145 posts)there aren't words to express such a heart ache. Know that there are others who will pray for you and help where and when they can.
barbtries
(29,692 posts)I'm so sorry.
Do you have family and friends with you? I really hope so, this is such a hard time.
2naSalit
(92,031 posts)I send love and strength to both of you!
Alfredo, you are one of my favorites, to know that you are experiencing such a profound loss is heartbreaking. I know that you know that we are here for you.
Trueblue Texan
(2,888 posts)... may your sweet memories bring you peace and healing. Thank you for the reminder that we should savor every moment with our loved ones.
elleng
(135,659 posts)Marthe48
(18,778 posts)Take care of yourself. Let your family and friends help you through this heartbreaking time.
Tesha
(20,937 posts)Evolve Dammit
(18,385 posts)Mr. Evil
(2,970 posts)you have my deepest sympathies.
Permanut
(6,599 posts)My heart is with you in this dark time.
peacebuzzard
(5,228 posts).........💔
walkingman
(8,248 posts)highplainsdem
(52,057 posts)And so suddenly. An aunt of mine lost her husband of many years to a sudden stroke, and I can barely imagine the pain of such a loss.
But I do believe (though I'm not religious) in an afterlife and reunions with loved ones. And I believe Jae can sense your love even now, every instant, as clearly as ever. Spirit to spirit. That connection can't be broken, even if you have to say goodbye here.
chia
(2,354 posts)area51
(12,123 posts)NNadir
(34,503 posts)Chellee
(2,204 posts)🕊️❤️So sorry😢
Skittles
(158,190 posts)I am so so sorry
Chicagogrl1
(460 posts)Kali
(55,687 posts)MontanaMama
(23,952 posts)No words except I am holding you in my heart. Im so so sorry. ❤️
badhair77
(4,558 posts)Your grief will take you so many directions but your beautiful words about your life together tell me youll find your way to peace. My heart goes out to you with your loss.
Diamond_Dog
(34,443 posts)Praying for strength for you in the coming days.
chouchou
(1,244 posts)You need to share and realize that people do care.
CrispyQ
(38,050 posts)I wish I had words of comfort.
mountain grammy
(27,175 posts)femmedem
(8,428 posts)I don't know what else to say except no one could read your words and not feel the depth of your love.
Mira
(22,469 posts)my heart cramps and my face is wet. I know you are in complete terrifying shock. Take very small steps, be very tender with yourself, and realize that with care for yourself you can get to the other side where the grieving begins, along with the new life for yourself that is waiting to be created. My hand reaches out to you with love and compassion.
littlewolf
(3,813 posts)GiqueCee
(1,279 posts)... she will live on in your memories of her love and kindness. Never forget her.
Hekate
(94,315 posts)littlemissmartypants
(25,006 posts)Think. Again.
(17,246 posts)greatauntoftriplets
(176,724 posts)Your OP is a lovely tribute to your wife.
MLAA
(18,534 posts)I am sending you both love and kind thoughts. 💕
Danmel
(5,202 posts)May sweet memories of your beloved Jae bring you comfort and peace.
Bristlecone
(10,466 posts)Silver Gaia
(4,752 posts)I have no great words of wisdom to share, but please know that the depth of your love shines through in your post and my face is wet with tears as I type these words. My heart is with you. May you find peace in the days and nights to come.
housecat
(3,137 posts)Silver Gaia
(4,752 posts)I have no great words of wisdom to share, but please know that the depth of your love shines through in your words and my face is wet with tears as I type. My heart is with you. May you find peace in the days and nights to come.
woodsprite
(12,172 posts)It sounds like you two had a beautiful life, and the depth of your love is apparent in your writing.
Dulcinea
(7,383 posts)She'll always be in your heart.
stage left
(3,012 posts)Journeyman
(15,136 posts)If there is any substitute for love, it is memory.
farmbo
(3,139 posts)✨🙏
JohnnyLib2
(11,228 posts)So very sorry about this tragedy, Alfredo. May your memories bring comfort and solace as time goes by. You have the moral support of many.
tblue37
(66,035 posts)Mr.Bill
(24,741 posts)Cherish that. And may it bring you peace.
3catwoman3
(25,354 posts)demosincebirth
(12,734 posts)Tom Kitten
(7,371 posts)You have my deepest sympathy.
yonder
(9,998 posts)3auld6phart
(1,241 posts)Has to be heart breaking. My thoughts and good vibes too you. Take care.
Ms. Toad
(35,414 posts)Rest peacefuly in the joy of the 42 years you shared.
localroger
(3,701 posts)Few of us are lucky enough to have such a love for so long and in such harmony. I have been with my wife for over 40 years and we each know that one of us will eventually have to deal with something like this. It was the same with my parents, who were together for just over 50 years before my mother died. But Dad is still OK at age 82, I see him as often as I can though we live 80 miles apart so it's a stretch. I will say to you what I said to Dad when my mother died in 2014: She would want you to see it through and go on. Mourn and take comfort from those sources that are available, but in the end ask what you would want your love to do if it had been you who suddenly died. The Golden Rule is surprisingly applicable in some situations.
Alliepoo
(2,449 posts)JudyM
(29,492 posts)What a deeply touching writing
my heart goes out to you. Wishing you a heart full of warm memories to comfort you, seems that you genuinely blessed each others lives.
CentralMass
(15,462 posts)58Sunliner
(4,937 posts)orleans
(34,832 posts)talk to her. her spirit will hear you. and once she gets her bearings on the other side she'll be with you whenever you need her or want her. you were a priority to her in this lifetime, there is no reason to think you will not continue to be a priority to her. 42 years. it doesn't stop or end here. our spirits don't die, energy doesn't die and that love you have for each other will go on and on. it will be the thread that keeps you connected.
i'm sorry both of you are going through this. too sudden. too unexpected.
let her know it's okay, that everything is going to be okay, and you'll find each other again.
because you will.
pnwmom
(109,466 posts)With every great love comes the prospect of a great loss, and now it is upon you.
I hope you have family and friends to help you through this, though I know you will never stop missing her.
Maraya1969
(22,967 posts)NewHendoLib
(60,437 posts)Bettie
(16,863 posts)I wish there was more to say, but there really isn't. I'm sorry.
BigmanPigman
(52,157 posts)You were lucky to have her.
Please take care of yourself and be kind to yourself.
1WorldHope
(871 posts)compared to things like cancer where you have more warning. May you have moments of clarity as you go through your grief that give you some comfort.
💙🪷
Bluethroughu
(5,645 posts)blue neen
(12,414 posts)My husband and I have been married for 43 years. I can't imagine how you must feel right now.
TygrBright
(20,984 posts)Fla Dem
(25,597 posts)ancianita
(38,119 posts)May you always feel her love.
mnhtnbb
(31,970 posts)There are no words I can offer that will lessen the pain of your loss. Sending you a big hug.
Ilsa
(62,192 posts)I lost my hubby less than two years ago, and it aches something fierce.
Take good care of your heart over the next few years. Heavy grief can change its physical structure.
sueh
(1,865 posts)essaynnc
(863 posts)IrishAfricanAmerican
(4,122 posts)So sorry for you loss. 😢
pazzyanne
(6,595 posts)Words are never enough when facing something like this. Just know that we are here for you!
FemDemERA
(390 posts)Your post touched my heart and I wanted to respond, but all the words I can think of seem so inadequate
calimary
(84,008 posts)I'm so sorry. Thank you for this note. Thanks for being willing to share such a tough time here, with your DU family.
Even on a weekend like this, it sounds like you were still luckier than many. Forty-two years of love and happiness with the girl of your dreams.
PLEASE stay in touch, alfredo, and PLEASE let us know how you're doing, and whatever anguish you need to get off your chest. We're here, any time of day or night, and we're gonna worry if we don't hear from you. Remember what our Skittles has said (and it's always helped buoy me up a little whenever I'm reminded of it): "Someone's always here."
Bayard
(24,105 posts)I'm so sorry, Alfredo. Sudden losses can be shocking, and its hard for the heart and mind to grasp it.
It sounds like you had a lovely marriage. I hope you were able to say goodbye.
You can lean on us.
Gore1FL
(21,777 posts)May peace go with you in all the empty places you must walk.
LoisB
(8,488 posts)I am also glad you had those 42 years together. I wish strength for you and peaceful acceptance into The Universe for her. Heartbreaking.
Beacool
(30,294 posts)I'm so sorry that this happened to your wife. I can't imagine the pain you're going through. My thoughts are with you.
GoneOffShore
(17,585 posts)Grumpy Old Guy
(3,528 posts)I pray that you can find the inner strength to get through the difficult days ahead.
Hope22
(2,545 posts)Im so sorry. 💗💗💗💐🙏🏼
democrank
(11,242 posts)Hold on to those cherished memories
markie
(22,866 posts)there are no sufficient words to express... be kind to yourself
babylonsister
(171,556 posts)lose someone you loved so well and for so long.
Sincerest condolences to you, alfredo.
happy feet
(1,059 posts)gademocrat7
(11,131 posts)on the loss of your beloved wife.
PJMcK
(22,829 posts)May you find some peace.
vishnura
(290 posts)May she rest in peace. My condolences yo family and friends.
Klondike Kat
(843 posts)I don't know what else to say - everything seems so trite at times like this.
ratchiweenie
(7,874 posts)samplegirl
(12,012 posts)loss. May she have eternal peace.
rambler_american
(836 posts)I am crying for your terrible loss.
OldBaldy1701E
(6,185 posts)LittleGirl
(8,384 posts)that caught me off guard. Tears.
My sincere condolences. May she rest in peace.
niyad
(119,362 posts)for you. Lean as hard as you need.
WinstonSmith4740
(3,151 posts)Peace will come to you again. But until it does, we are all here for you. I had to say goodby to my one great love 13 years ago. It does get better. Please remember to take care of yourself.
sarge43
(29,131 posts)Peace and comfort.
lrucks1952
(2 posts)Bro Alfredo,
I understand your pain and I send my heartfelt blessings to you...
AllyCat
(16,954 posts)Im so sorry.
murielm99
(31,397 posts)yellerpup
(12,263 posts)And for Jae.
FuzzyRabbit
(2,077 posts)Jarqui
(10,428 posts)I cannot imagine what you are going through.
I've sat here for a while and cannot seem to find very comforting words for the enormity of your loss.
I am so sorry for your loss.
I do have faith in the quality and kindness of this community to help comfort and support you through this terrible time.
SalmonChantedEvening
(32,006 posts)So very sorry for your loss.
Attilatheblond
(4,156 posts)It is such a hard thing. Sending strength for the days, weeks, months, and yes, years ahead. Know the pain eventually softens, and someday, you WILL be able to laugh again, but with a certain bit of melancholy appreciation.
Take care of yourself. And maybe give a trusted neighbor a key to your home. Grief can cause one to misplace items. It's weird.
jmbar2
(5,998 posts)May she pass peacefully, and may you have some comfort knowing that your love sustained her for many years, and then let her go when it was time.
She will know no other pain now, thanks to you.
Sugarcoated
(8,080 posts)Love and light to you and your love ❤️
KS Toronado
(19,426 posts)Hiawatha Pete
(1,945 posts)CousinIT
(9,941 posts)Especially that it has come so suddenly and unexpectedly. I wish you much strength and peace at this very difficult time. May her memory be a blessing to you and bring smiles rather than tears in the times to come.
Paper Roses
(7,501 posts)I lost my husband to a stroke 15 years ago. He was alive in the ambulance, went to emergency care at the hospital, There was no hope for him. I will never get over this, no matter how long. My thoughts are with you and I hope the outcome is better than you expect. It has been 15 years and I'm alone. Hard to cope. We were married for 45 years. No sign of problem before the stroke. The silent killer.
cilla4progress
(25,686 posts)go in peace, dear one.
Blue Owl
(54,560 posts)Peace be with you, and we are all thinking of you this a.m.
world wide wally
(21,813 posts)pandr32
(12,104 posts)I cannot possibly imagine how deeply painful and wrenching this must be for you as I have not lived it, yet just reading your post caused me to tear up. I can imagine you are going through hell.
I am so sorry.
iluvtennis
(20,758 posts)Aaeia
(82 posts)No amount of sympathies will ameliorate this loss to you. Grieve with grace and try to believe that she'll never be that far from you. Love like yours will never truly die.
wryter2000
(47,281 posts)What a terrible loss.
KT2000
(20,779 posts)Really, you have my sympathy, what a shock.
Stuart G
(38,726 posts)kanda
(180 posts)wishing you peace and strength in the coming days.
PatrickforB
(15,094 posts)IA8IT
(5,849 posts)Tanuki
(15,250 posts)I hope you have loved ones near who can support you and help you work through your bereavement and honor Jae, gently sharing the happy memories you will always have. I also hope it helps to know that your DU family is always here for you.
thatcrowwoman
(1,230 posts)SaveOurDemocracy
(4,431 posts)Joinfortmill
(16,277 posts)Elessar Zappa
(15,479 posts)May Jae rest in peace and forever be in your heart.
True Dough
(20,004 posts)This was a tough read. But nowhere near the extreme difficulty you must be having coping with such a tragic loss. I wish you strength.
Take care.
BigOleDummy
(2,274 posts)Search for your peace
marked50
(1,437 posts)Wish you the best in the times ahead.
Skittles
(158,190 posts)there's always someone on DU
yankee87
(2,315 posts)My condolences
bullimiami
(13,978 posts)c-rational
(2,853 posts)ariadne0614
(1,853 posts)Lunabell
(6,768 posts)What a wonderful life y'all must have had together. Such a lovely thing you wrote. Y'all were lucky/fortunate to have had those many years of togetherness. I'm sending you my virtual hug to both of you. Hold her. Love her. Play her favorite song. Spray whatever scent she loved. She knows you are there for her at this time. Then, surround yourself with family, loved ones and friends. Let them love you and help you through this long walk.
I bid you peace. Jae is a very lucky lady to have such a loving man in her life.
mia
(8,420 posts)Richluu
(96 posts)Cry for two months, then rebuild your life. She wants you to be happy. Serve others so you don't get lost in your self. You will get through this!
alfredo
(60,131 posts)She will be missed