Ruminating and reviewing our behaviors is part of grieving the loss of our
spouse, just; just do not be too harsh on yourself.

It is normal to see our marriages from a new prospective and feel
regret, when what we are longing for is to have our loved one back
with us, even with their "imperfections" and our own as well.

Most often, you were rushed or inexperienced or not fully informed or suffered a brain fart. I know for myself I've been there done that. Even if you did something maliciously, you were navigating things as best as you could given who you were before each choice. Been there done that too a few times. You are a different person now as I am too, the same but more evolved with bigger and deeper perspectives.

By feeling regrets, you show you have progressed and grown. That is the key.

By forgiving yourself, you detach the event from the emotion. You retain the memory and the lesson, but it becomes less of an impediment, less of a thorn, less of a pain. Now that you have learned the lesson, you don't need the self-flagellation. Let go but keep what you have learned.