We’ve been married 51 years…can’t imagine.

Peace and strength to you and your spouse.

Thank you for your words. Peace and strength to you.

...on DU. The word is yahrzeit - a year's time since the passing of a family member. Anniversary never feels quite right to me for marking a sad occasion.

Wishing you some serenity on the yahrzeit of the loss of your beloved wife.

Yiddish is similar to German, but with many subtle differences in both form and meaning.

Jahreszeit means "season" in German. As in Die Vier Jahreszeiten, "the four seasons." There is also "Jahrestag," or anniversary (unspecific--Hochzeitstag means wedding anniversary).

"Ein Jahres Zeit"--one year's time--might be how to expess that in German. I live in Germany, am married to a German, and we speak German together, as we have done for the 50 years (this July) that we have been together.

Sorry t6o get off subject, but that is a word (and spelling) I had never seen before.

I was checking the spelling, as I wanted to spell it jahrzeit.

I took German during my junior and senior years of high school, and then a couple of semesters in college. I really liked it, and took to it pretty readily except for the articles. It makes no sense that the word for dress is a masculine noun and table is feminine, etc.

I was pretty good at it at the time, but this was way back in 1968-1971, so Ich habe sehr veil vergessen.

I was very interested in your recent post about learning Swedish. It sounds like they have the right idea with simplicity.

I’m envious of your polyglot talents.

Dress is masculine in Spanish, as well. El vestido. It came from the Latin word vestitus (dressed). Vestments. It was not gender specific.

I live in a country that borders on nine others, with about ten more within a two hour flight. I travel a LOT for my work, so I’d have to be some kind of idiot if I didn’t learn the local languages of countries I visit once a month or more. Think of a German who moves to Chicago, has weekly business trips to both Québec and Mexico, and speaks only German.

You seem to have retained some of your German, at least, although with dress being neuter (das Kleid) and table being masculine (der Tisch), I wonder if you weren’t thinking of another language. Table, for example, is feminine in French and Spanish (la table, la mesa). And that’s “viel, not “veil,” although I suspect that was a typo.

As to my other examples, I was recalling die Tafel and der Rock. After googling, I guess I can forgive myself for confusing dress with skirt after 50+ years of not using the language.

It still makes no sense, to me, for an item of clothing typically worn by females to be a masculine noun -

Out of curiosity, I just looked up the German word for bra/brassiere, and wouldn't you know (as I'm sure you do), it's also a masculine noun -

The proper word for condom is feminine, eine Präservative. They do have various other terms for it, of course. Of course, there are no rules to how a language develops, just rules to follow once it is standardized. Electronic media has helped wipe out many colorful local languages, such as my father-in-law’s native language of Pladdütsch. My wife’s cousin still speaks it with her siblings and friends from the village where she grew up. My wife understands much of it, but never spoke it at home because her mom’s family didn’t speak it, and so her parents never spoke it at home.

Only down in Switzerland has the national government encouraged the continued use of the local dialects of German, which is so different from standard (“high” ) German that in Germany, any program from Switzerland is either dubbed or has German subtitles. My wife can’t understand it at all. I’m OK with big city Schwyzerdüütsch (Zürich, Basel), but some of the versions from farther out in the hinterlands are beyond my meager comprehension.

I still light a yahrzeit candle for my mom after 49 years. They're usually in the kosher section of the grocery store. So sorry for your loss.

Thank you for passing along such a meaningful word. Thank you for the wishes of serenity. I wish the same for you.

Last edited Sun Jun 2, 2024, 12:12 PM - Edit history (1)

My wife was diagnosed with a form of cancer known here in Germany as "the Murderer." It is always fatal because it is never discovered until there is no hope to save the patient. Because she had already had cancer before (2001), she got checked out for what seemed to be three trivial tiny spots. Two were, as expected, nothing. One was the Murderer. She underwent a brutal operation, but was that one in ten thousand who survived it. If it had not been for that, I would have lost her seven years ago, after 43 years together.

Knowing the total wreck I would have been if I lost her, I can totally sympathize with you. I can only hope never to be in your shoes.

you are at or near your fiftieth anniversary. Congranulations, Sugar!

Even then, both of us had hectic schedules, and mine got even crazier when I was recruited for my job, which I still have (somewhat fancier title and pay grade by now—my starting salary was $15,000 a year). We probably never would have found the time to get married if my brother hadn’t invited us to our wedding. That is not a typo, either. We got married 8 years after we met. Since after 8 years, it was clear that we were going to stay together, we consider our real anniversary to be that fortunate day in July, 1974.

I was chatting to a young woman on a long bench in a dark, smoky cabaret in West Berlin. She told me she was leaving for China the next day, but I should meet her friend from up north. I said sure, where is she? She said, “right here,” and leaned back. I was left momentarily breathless with the beautiful vision I saw, and thought, oh yes, I should definitely meet your friend from up north.

I was alternately very sad and then happy to hear your spouse had it threw such an ordeal. I am thrilled for you both. I wish both peace and strength.

But she was that “last woman standing” where all others were not so fortunate. She was very lucky, which means I am even luckier.

Thank you the reply of a heart. Peace and strength to you.

From our previous posts I know you are going through things now as well. Thank you taking the time to respond to my post. It shows great empathy and caring. Peace and strength to you and family.

Thank you for your well wishes. I wish you everlasting peace and strength.

To know someone, somewhere is helping to carry another person's grief is of immense help. I thank you with eternal gratitude.

Kindness. What a wonderful wish. I will have to put extra effort into that. Thanks for reminding me. I wish you peace and serenity.

thoughts for peace as you grieve. May every good memory of times with your wife comfort you .

Great DU name. I hike much myself. Memories is what I have now (and IPHONE fotos). All of those help. I wish you continued safe hiking. Remember, the only easy day was yesterday.

I’m glad you feel safe posting here about your loss. Thinking of you and may you find comfort and gratitude in your memories.

It took me a year to post this loss, but I'm glad I did. Thank you for your words of comfort. I wish you peace and strength.

Thank you very much for your words of comfort. As I'm sure you know cherish everyday, forget the little stuff, and build immense memories. Peace and strength to you and your wife.

To receive the heart of someone is an immense gift. Thank you. Peace and serenity to you.

Thank you for your kind words. Peace and everlasting strength to you.

Anniversaries can be very emotional, and this is so new for you.

Thank you for your kind words. Anniversaries are indeed tough. I look forward. That's what she wanted. Peace and strength to you.

Peace and strength to you.❤️🙏

Thank you so much for your kind words. I wish you peace and serenity.

I still can’t think about it more than a few seconds without starting to cry. Life goes on and I have a full and happy life, but the pain of missing him never goes away.

Hugs to you.

Let me express my sincere condolences the loss of your husband. Grief has it's on timeline. Not something society is generally wants to hear. Life does indeed go on. The pain I understand, totally. I wish you peace, strength, and serenity.

I lost my wife of 30 years in 2017. She was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer in April of 2016. We awoke the day after the 2016 election and her comment showed her character: I can handle cancer in my body, I can’t handle cancer in the country.

Thank you for sharing your experience. We unfortunately find ourselves sharing the same unwanted boat. One of my favorite photos is of me and my wife flipping the bird to Chump when AZ was announced going for Biden.

I hope you find peace. I will seek it as well.

I had (and still have) strong support from my family. The hospice also offered group support which I attended often. It helped. Time has dulled the sharp edges of grief. I hope you have support.

Great DU name. Thank you for your kind words. I wish you everlasting peace and strength.

Its amazing sometimes where we can all find strength... I found it here also after the passing of my Dad and brother..

Let me extend my condolences on the passing of your dad and brother. I'm very sorry.

I wish you everlasting peace and strength.

Thanks so much, kairos12, for sharing this supremely heavy and intimate loss AND your feelings about it.

I'm glad you posted about this. Seems to me there are many of us DUers who are in our 60s and 70s, at least judging from posts I've read, and "that" time no longer seems as far away as it used to. I find it so comforting that we can all crowd around the online campfire here and keep each other company. And share memories. And sorrows. And fears. And yearnings.

And I always take comfort from that post by our Skittles, long ago, reminding that "someone's always here." I hope you're able to take full advantage of that, cuz it's for real. And it's really made a difference. Sure got me through some bumps on the road. And the best part of all is that it happens to be true. Thank goodness.

Thank you calimary for those wonderful words. Indeed, we do have a communal campfire here at DU. I agree with that perhaps many of us here are on the other side of 60 and are facing immense, existential issues.

Over the last year I've always found someone is here at DU. It has been my primary contact with the world. I am very thankful.

I wish eternal peace and strength.

Thank for the gift of DU hugs. It's a wonderful gift.

Even without posting for a year about this DU has provided a wonderful outlet. I'm very thankful. The loss must be carried. I've learned that, nothing else to do. Eyes forward, remembering always, heart full of gratitude for 40 years of priceless love.

Peace and strength to you.

... her loss will not diminish. There's no explaining these things, but we learn to bring the best out of even a devastating event.

Your wife would want that, I'm sure you know. Pain, searing heartache, it's only fitting when grieving for a beloved partner of 40 years. Peace to you now, the past is for good memories and the future is a time to look forward though it may be hard.

Condolences. I hope good thoughts and things and people find you.

Jackie

Thank you for these wonderful and comforting words.I feel her with me always. Peace and strength to you.

Take care of yourself.

My heart is cracked, but the love of her keeps it from breaking. Thank you for kind words. Peace and strength to you.

Memories and IPHONE photos. I'm so grateful for both. Thank you for your kind words.

🐝☮️🐝❤️

Thank you for your kind words. Peace and good health are precious. I wish you peace and serenity.

There is no way that I know of to accept the loss. I have great memories as I'm sure you do. It has been lonely for all these years and I am on the verge of destitution. I hope you can find a way to come to grips with the big loss in your life.
They say things get better )I don't believe it). Married 45 years and I'm in bad health. If there is a heaven, I will give him hell for leaving me too soon.
If not, (and I don't believe there is), I will spend my last days with the memory of the good times.
My sympathy and hope you find solace with thoughts of the good times.

I'm so sorry to hear of your current circumstances. Like you I try to spend part of day in remembrance. Memories are so precious. I hope that things improve for you. I wish you peace and serenity. My profound condolences on the passing of your husband.

I’m so sorry. 💗💗🙏🏼💐

Thank you so much for words of comfort. I wish you everlasting peace and strength.

My heart goes out to you. Thank you for the wonderful blessing. 💗

I was blessed for 40 years. I'm forever grateful. Thank you for your comforting words.

May you find solace in your memories of her from happier times.

I'm greatly comforted by my memories of her. It's the greatest part of my life. Thank you for your words of comfort.

N/T

Thank you for your words of condolence. I wish you peace and serenity.

🙏

I lost my sick husband two years ago, haven't posted, either, except to say I feel you.

fwiw, last year I began what's variously called "heart work," and learned and felt more peace about life (more than in my former professional life, and more than from therapy decades ago) in doing good for others. One example is when I studied more about the historical Jesus, and learned that his first public speaking was to entirely shift the world view of blessings -- and now mine, answering my church's call to help part time at its full time 5 day/wk food pantry.

Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven;
Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted.
Blessed are the meek, for they shall inherit the earth.
Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they shall be satisfied.
Blessed are the merciful, for they shall receive mercy.
Blessed are the pure in spirit, for they shall see God.
Blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall be called sons of God.
Blessed are those who are persecuted for righteousness' sake, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

Witnessing to Jesus has helped grow my faith in humankind.
He says he hasn't come for the righteous, but for the suffering and the broken.
Who are, unbeknownst to many in the world, pretty much all of us.

Thank you for posting.

I’m not a Christian but I view Jesus as an enlightened teacher.

Thank you for those words of comfort. The verse you posted reflected many of qualities of my late wife. Thank you for that. I wish you peace and strength.

Thank you for your words of comfort. I wish you peace and strength.

It's some small solace that she did not have to live through all of this.

Thank you for your words of comfort. Please accept my condolences with regards to the passing of your sister. My wife lived long enough to see Chump get tossed. I'm thankful for that. I wish you peace and strength.

This is on my mind all of the time.

Loving and being loved is the greatest gift, and eventually, the deepest sorrow.

Kind thoughts are coming your way from your DU family. I hope you feel the warmth. We all care about you.

Indeed, love, and be loved is the greatest of all gifts. It is a risk, however. As you say, sorrow may follow, Still, I would not have traded my experience. There seems to be only few truly worthwhile gambles, love for sorrow is one of them. Peace and strength to you. Thank you for your words of comfort. Peace and strength to you.

DU this year has been of immense support.

Thank you for your words of comfort. Great love can turn to immense sorrow. I know that. I would have not made any other choice. Peace and strength to you.

Take care of yourself and remember the good times…

Hugs…

Thank you for your kind words. I wish you peace and strength.

I lost two wives just over 4 years apart. Holding onto each as they passed.
Wretched loss and confusion of relief mixed together.
But gosh I learned so much - and remember their lives so well.
A wise lady friend said to me a year later, "you know so well how to love through care for another, now you will need to learn how to love when another gives care for you.
and Kairos, life gets better, brighter, once more.

Thank you so much for sharing your life experience. I can't imagine the double loss you endured. Please accept my sincere condolences. I wish you peace and strength.

"Confusion and relief." You nailed it. Thank you.

It will turn into fond memories.

Thank you for those encouraging word from a place of experience. I wish you peace and strength.

I have always envied those who found great love. But it is always followed by great pain, when one of you passes away.

Having never been married, I don't know what this feels like. But I watched my dad go through it after my mom passed away. They had been married almost 66 years.

Watching my dad, what I learned was that the best thing he did for himself was to keep busy, and stay in a routine. I think it helped keep his mind off of how much it hurt.

I lost both of my parents within five months of each other. And I learned that the best thing I could do was to hold on to the love. And that's what I tell everyone to do. Hold on to the love. It gets you through the pain. The pain never fully goes away. But the love eventually makes it bearable. At least it did for me.

Thank you so much for sharing your life experience. Please accept my sincere condolences on the passing of your parents. I wish you peace and strength.

Offering you my deepest sympathies and condolences. May the passage of time bring you some peace.

Thank you for those comforting words. I wish you peace and strength.

Thank you those comforting words and the candles. I wish you peace and strength.

to breast cancer, after 17 years of marriage. It’s so hard to watch a loved one pass, and she did suffer. Took me quite a while to pull myself together. I am now happily remarried for 24 years. My advice would be take all the time you need, get all the help you can, and keep hope and faith in love.
Bless you.

Thank you for sharing your life experience with me. I can't imagine what that must have been like to lose her at age 39. I'm very happy to hear you have found a new path. It provides hope. Short supply these days. I wish you and your family everlasting peace and strength.

memories that comfort and sustain you.

Those memories do indeed sustain me. Everyday. Thank you for those words of comfort. I wish you peace and strength.

May her memory be eternal.

I suppose we find ourselves in the same tumbrel cart Mme. Defarge. We have our memories. I hope they sustain you as they do. I wish you everlasting peace and strength. Thank you for your words of comfort.

I am sending you love and may you always feel your dear wife’s love.💗

Thank you so much for those wonderful word of comfort. I wish you everlasting peace and strength.

I am so sorry for your loss.

Thank you for those words of comfort. I wish you peace and strength.

You are living my worst fear. Illness and death make us feel so small.
Hugs for you.

I can only say I've made it through, so far, the greatest fear. I'm sustained by wonderful memories that will last forever. Thank you for words of comfort. Peace and strength to you.

Thank you for those words of comfort. I wish you peace and strength.

My heartfelt condolences to you and your loved ones.

Thank you for those words of comfort. I wish you peace and strength.

So sorry to hear that.

It’s still very difficult for me.

Fuck Cancer!

I'm so sorry to hear of our wife's passing. I can imagine quite well how these last 7 weeks have been. Please accept my profound condolences I wish you everlasting peace and strength.

It’s seems to get better by the day. Our house is full of her. Everywhere. She was my better half. I can’t begin to get rid of her things. It there yet.

Loss of a spouse or child is the most difficult experience. Hang in there.

I move forward each day in grateful remembrance of her. Thank you for your comforting words. I wish you peace and strength.

Thank you for those DU hugs. I wish you peace and strength.

So you have made it through the toughest part.

My thoughts go out to you.
Hang in there.

Glad you are reaching out.

Thank you those encouraging words. They mean much. I wish you peace and strength.

Time is the only thing that really helps heal that huge hole in your life. Nice to know you are able to post about it. It's a good sign.

I used DU as a distraction too in that first year of loss of my spouse of 37 years.

Hang in there, it does get easier to bear.