Sounds a bit over-controlling to me, or just looking for excuses to exit? I wouldn't know how to deal with it. Others may.

Yeeessss…. It IS a long story, which will tease out, I guess. Oh, and complicated, because she never divorced the 2nd marriage (8 years) because of his health care policy carrying her. She's "waiting" until she's Medicare eligible. I actually can understand this, as she has been separated for over 2 years. She apparently was following advice from her lawyer.

but my husband and I never divorced; separated. An agonizing process, available 'here' for those interested in the saga. So I now (he died 2 years ago) have his, which had been our federal employees health benefits, (I do pay a premium) and medicare, maybe the best health insurance around.

but she does seem pretty wrapped up in herself.

going through a divorce at 60 the idea of a new relationship scares the crap out of me. so afraid i would just settle for someone who wanted me. which is how i got into that 30+ year marriage.

part of me thinks it would be so wonderful to be swept off my feet, and holds out hope for a grand adventure. but those are so few and far between. and i aint that cute any more.

i know this, tho. i would not settle again. it feels too good to finally be steering my own boat.
your brother shouldnt either. what is the point of getting out of the frying pan just to land in the fire?

First, my ex-SIL was a controlling person. She could never be wrong, and over the years, I swear that if there was a way to make the person she was married to feel less of a person, she took that opportunity. My brother was no angel in the way he minimized her finishing her degree all those years, but as his earning power slip away and she finished her degree, I noticed more and more of a game play on who was king of the hill. I personally think counseling could have helped my brother 10 years before it ended, but he opted to go to the bottle intermittently.

This woman/ex-girlfriend seems to have a fantasy as to how relationships are supposed to be, which is Ozzie and Harriet. She also has a very close relationship to her ailing parents. Well, that's not hard to do, but the father seemed to take charge with some scorn against my brother in a very brief conversation that was not confrontational on my brother's part.

I guess I just feel like I want to infuse a dose of, "you WILL go on!". I hope he comes around soon with wanting to get this girl back. He's a decent and attractive guy who just needs some confidence in living in his own skin. He wants to please and sometimes thinks that THIS is how you express love. I believe you have to be yourself, so if someone is so incensed that you use swear words… well…

just sayin.

How bout YOU venturing a little past the southern tier of NY, eh?

hard to find a farm sitter, tho. only thing i dont like about the job.
last time i left it took 3 people to do my job. and i still came home to a mess.
easier in the winter, tho.

does he like chickens? dogs? parrots?

Maybe dogs and parrots and well structured chickens!

so she can keep his health care? Is getting a job of her own with benefits not an option? And she still wants to be out there dating? Just that piece of information alone would tend to make me advise your brother to stay away from her.

I divorced at age 60, after almost thirty years of marriage, and in my case I've had no real interest in dating. A couple of times I met men that I was interested in, and tried to encourage them, and apparently it was quite one-sided on my part. I'm also not doing anything to get myself out there, such as dating sites. It is a whole lot harder to start dating again when you haven't done it for a long time. How long has your brother been divorced? Is he wanting a girlfriend just because he's so used to being with someone that he has no idea how to be on his own? If that's the case, then he really needs to work on the being by himself thing for a while before he tries to start a new relationship.

But this woman still sounds like bad news.

I believed from the onset that he was interested in having a significant other for company so that he wouldn't be "eating dinner alone". He certainly has all the skill sets of running a home and gets out to volunteer at the local senior center. He will separated/divorced going on 5 years, in this new community almost 3 years as a divorced man.

He DOES need to work on being by himself in what I think should be "unconditional" relationships. This thing of having to serve as some role model ("Women like ____ things, right?&quot It's like he forgot, or maybe he never learned before having to GET married upon pregnancy with the ex-wife.

I also agree that she should be avoided. It AIN'T gonna help his real problem, is it? He became a church goer and bible study attendee primarily due to this woman.

I find the strict Ozzie and Harriet act strange, in light of the fact that she primarily wanted a predictable schedule of sex, and was guarded or jealous if anything went off schedule.

I'm lucky in that I was 30 years old before I even met the man I married, so I had a good ten years as a single adult. It made the transition to being a single adult again much easier.

Good outcome!

but I have a pretty strict no swear policy for other people. The thing with me, though, is I state everything up front. I tell them they may not swear, that they are expected to pull out my chair, that they may not be late to events and other such things. With me, it is straight forward so we do not waste each other's time.

She sounds horrid. She does sound controlling and unless it is something your brother likes (it sounds like he does not), he needs to be totally done with her. Ugh! I hope he finds happiness.