not when violence is possible; I left our house after husb hit me.

That's MY view, and not in NC.

so we are working for much sooner. Lots of phone calls will be made on Monday.

The thing is escalating faster than my wife and I can comprehend.

hoping she decides to come live in our house as she works through, and a lawyer asap.

thank you.

She needs to be somewhere safe. Long visit with you? Sister? Female friend?
She needs to get legal advice ASAP, which it sounds like she's doing.
Other DUers will have useful advice.
Meanwhile, you and your wife take good cares of yourselves, too.

your suggestions are appreciated.

and away from husband. Hire a good lawyer.

Yes, she is in danger. These macho types get very unhinged when women leave or try to leave. Don’t waste any time!

Don’t worry about cohabitation/abandonment thing, it’s a non-issue … she can go for whatever reason she states …
I’m assuming that it’s not just the work situation, but culmination of many things that you are not privy to, yet

She could probably get some support and guidance at a woman’s center if there is one local, they can suggest legal sources she may need also

It’s a tough situation any way you look at it, but she should be ok

I’m in NC …

✌🏻

we hope to know more tomorrow - it's been quite a drama filled evening, but the offer for her to come live with us is on the table.

Get legal advice & find her somewhere to stay. With you & Mrs? Sister? Female friend?

thanks, friend!

she could file for a restraining order. That would probably nullify the need to cohabitate. I'm no lawyer. A close friend of mine from long ago managed to get away from her abusive spouse, but it took a restraining order and dealing with the cops and the courts. He did not have firearms but had hit her and pushed her on prior occasions.

thanks.

I don't get it.

She needs a lawyer to give her good advice. If you can help her get one, that would be the best way to help.

Here's a page from a judicial website in North Carolina. (I've just included a few excerpts; she should read the whole thing.)

https://www.nccourts.gov/help-topics/divorce-and-marriage/separation-and-divorce

How can I get legally separated in North Carolina?

A separation agreement or other written document is not required to be legally separated in North Carolina. To be considered separated from your spouse, you need to be living in different homes, and at least one of you needs to intend that the separation be permanent. In general, you are not legally separated if your relationship has ended but you still live in the same home, or if you live in separate homes without the intent to be permanently separated (for example, for work purposes).

What are the requirements for a divorce in North Carolina?

You are eligible to file for divorce, also called an “absolute divorce,” only after being separated for at least a year and a day. This means that you must have been living in different homes and that at least one of you intended that the separation be permanent during that time. To file for a divorce in North Carolina, either you or your spouse must currently live in North Carolina and must have lived in the state for at least six months before the divorce case is filed.

What happens if I don’t file for property division or spousal support?

If no one files for property division (by filing a claim for “equitable distribution”) before the absolute divorce is final, both parties forever lose the right to ask a court for a property division. If this happens, you keep only the assets that are either titled in your name or in your possession. If you own any property in both names, this property will stay in both names even though you have divorced. The same rule applies to debts.

If no one files for spousal support before the absolute divorce is final, both parties forever lose the right to ask a court for alimony. Because a divorce permanently cuts off the right to equitable distribution and alimony, it is important to contact an attorney to assist you in preserving your rights.

at this point he is screwing with her "stuff" (clothes, etc) - but she is welcomed to live with us. We will feel better when we have good legal advice - hopefully that is soon.

I appreciate your response and the time and care you spent on it - it is very useful. thank you.

she go back? Unless I’m misreading something here. . .

Anyway, if the situation is dangerous, either for her physical safety or mental safety, then she should get him out of her life. It sounds like she’s already suffering from years of emotional abuse, and there’s probably a lot more beneath the surface that she’s not communicating. I’d say support her decision to leave.

it is such a rapidly changing situation - we will know more tomorrow, but we are happy to have her live with us as this gets resolved.

thanks for your response.

If he has guns, don't let her go back there for any reason right now. When he's not home and she can get cops to go with her to get some of her things, maybe.

The suggest made above about contacting a women’s center in her town or nearby sounds like a great resource to answer many questions and provide support.

but who knows if he would respect it. He will find her if she stays with you or her sister. Being out of pocket is a problem, but maybe she has a friend he doesn't know much about whom she could live with. I would consider her husband's religious affiliation as supplemental grounds for the restraining order and divorce. We went through this recently with my stepdaughter and feared for her safety. She'd moved about three hours away and had her two sons living with her and it all ended quietly. All the best to everyone concerned. Keep us posted.

thanks for your comment. We are happy to have her here with us while she proceeds through this ordeal - but we need that first key step - legal support - hopefully very soon.

she needs to extricate herself from him - he runs the bank acct, which is a biggie - we are trying to get clarification on her car, and phone.

He is being very erratic.

thanks for your comment. appreciated.

No kids…

No job…

Get her the hell away from NC and that man. Pack her up and move her “home”., she can always locate to another state and get a divorce.

perspective...
My sister went through a horrible 1st marriage and if I talked to her, she'd have me convinced her ex and daughter are crazy and I would start to believe it. If I talked to the ex, he'd have me convinced my sister and her daughter were crazy, and if I talked to my niece, you guessed it, I'd start to believe the other 2 were crazy.
I had a similar situation with a friend of mine, his wife and her daughter.
So I came to the realization that they are probably all nuts. It didn't fix anything, but it helped me deal with things a little better.

Have you been tinkering with the holodeck again?

(Sound advice, btw. Been there myself a few times. I am not saying that they are, in fact, all nuts, but one just cannot rule it out. Especially when one finds oneself where you have mentioned... getting the 'lowdown' from each person as if the other were the sole cause of all the trouble.)

how to get to the bottom of things - the truth. Hence my saying it always takes 2 - even if it is 99% one person's fault, 1% the other.

6 weeks to establish residency. Divorce in as little as 10 days.

Divorce law is very state-specific.

Here is a website (parallels in many states) that will have some useful info to get her started.

I'll dm it to you too.

https://www.lawhelpnc.org/

Our older daughter just flew back to WA today - she's been great providing support to her younger sister.