Loners
Related: About this forumLadies -- what makes a good lover? I may have a chance and I don't want to screw it up.
Is it about breaking the furniture during a wild night? I am probably more better off asking about sensitivity. But I am asking you guys and should keep my own preconceptions out of it.
And I wonder if I will get any answers at all but you guys are where I am most likely to get a straight, honest answer.
ret5hd
(21,309 posts)3Hotdogs
(13,315 posts)I adapted it instead of letting it get to me.
Walleye
(34,927 posts)3Hotdogs
(13,315 posts)Phoenix61
(17,510 posts)couples I worked with. Men, women, and sex.
For men the process is: Arouse, release, relax. This is why they fall asleep after.
For women the process is: Relax, arouse, release. This is why when he comes up behind her while she is doing the dishes and is all Hey, Baby, Baby he gets hit with a wet sponge.
From an evolutionary perspective this makes complete sense. If the female is stressed its not a good time to conceive.
So whats that got to do with being a good lover? Simple, help her relax. Do the dishes, plan a fun outing, listen to her vent about work
that emotional connection will make her feel cared for which will help her relax
.
Joinfortmill
(16,259 posts)I would only add, take your time.
mopinko
(71,597 posts)when i was married, i did a huge 4 part painting about it. never got that through his head.
3Hotdogs
(13,315 posts)That takes a hell of a lot of pre-thinking to get into that mindset.
I have been tying my head into a knot thinking about how to respond to her initial contact that was through a mutual friend.
secondwind
(16,903 posts)Listen. Listen
3Hotdogs
(13,315 posts)I would have done exactly the opposite.
mopinko
(71,597 posts)shortly after my divorce i read a study about what makes a happy marriage.
it's not about fighting or not, or having sex or not.
it's about gratitude. about saying out loud that you appreciate them and what you have with them.
i can easily see where that would have made a big difference.
3Hotdogs
(13,315 posts)Thank you.
MOMFUDSKI
(7,080 posts)If he doesn't treat you like gold from the get-go, RUN, don't walk, the other way.
3Hotdogs
(13,315 posts)In between, I had a 23 year relationship with Joyce. In 23 years, we NEVER said a cross word to each other. People find that hard to believe. I always figured it was because she had low expectations.
She died of cancer and was drugged on her hospital bed. The last time she was conscious, the last thing she said to me, "You are the best thing that eve happened to me."
a day later, she died.
I guess I am capable of something but it is clear to me that I have a low self esteem.
dixiechiken1
(2,113 posts)The fact that Joyce (my condolences on your loss) said these last words to you tells me you already know how to treat a lady. Kindness and gratitude go a looong way and it sounds like you've got that in spades. Now, extend some of that kindness and gratitude to yourself and you're golden!
You do you. That's enough. Always.
pengillian101
(2,351 posts)Scrivener7
(52,391 posts)3Hotdogs
(13,315 posts)thread, at large. It was meant for you.
3Hotdogs
(13,315 posts)About every two months, I ask a question that I really want to know the answer to. These have been questions that a friend would/may not answer truthfully in order to avoid hurt feelings.
D.U. people answer stuff with sincerity when a question is asked and it clearly means something to the questioner.
I hope I have done the same for people when their question or post has asked for a human response.
packman
(16,296 posts)peacebuzzard
(5,228 posts)if you are asking still; I hope you didn't screw it up.
But my answer would be depending on the situation is just take your time; or, .....let me get back to you on that one in a few months. (or years)
This is such a slow moving thread it took a new post for me to see what I missed these past few months, years.
Take care
P.S. on edit: I hope you did ok with the person you wanted to become interested in something.
3Hotdogs
(13,315 posts)Friend reported that she didn't want to resume contact.
Oh well.
peacebuzzard
(5,228 posts)questions, since I am lousy at it, and certainly run from most of it, if I can.