Welcome to DU! The truly grassroots left-of-center political community where regular people, not algorithms, drive the discussions and set the standards. Join the community: Create a free account Support DU (and get rid of ads!): Become a Star Member Latest Breaking News Editorials & Other Articles General Discussion The DU Lounge All Forums Issue Forums Culture Forums Alliance Forums Region Forums Support Forums Help & Search

Ms. Toad

(35,435 posts)
Wed Mar 20, 2013, 12:03 AM Mar 2013

It's been a rough few days, given the disgusting coverage of the Steubenville convictions.

Here's a different perspective, with the focus where it should be:

Thirty-seven Years into a Life Sentence

Last August, in Steubenville, Ohio, a 16 year old received a life sentence. Yesterday two of the teens who imposed that sentence on her were given their own far shorter sentences: juvenile detention for of a minimum of one and two years, respectively.

. . .

My own life sentence began when I was 19, three years older than the Steubenville survivor. It is a sentence I share with, conservatively, one in seven women. As is fairly typical, I wasn’t physically injured (in the sense of bruises, cuts, or gunshot wounds), but 37 years later I still bear the emotional scars.

In the first decade, especially, others I loved came to share my sentence: A young man I should never have married – an unconscious attempt to prove I wasn’t “damaged goods.” A spouse who hesitated to wake me in the middle of the night, because sometimes I woke up swinging. A relative I reluctantly agreed to let clean our house, knowing how challenging it was for me to grant anyone access to my personal possessions because that kind of access led to later phone and mail harassment. PTSD isn’t rational, so the reality that this relative wouldn’t hurt me did nothing to damper my emotional response the moment I discovered my spouse had left her alone in our house – and it was in that moment (one of many) that my injury spread to others.
6 replies = new reply since forum marked as read
Highlight: NoneDon't highlight anything 5 newestHighlight 5 most recent replies
It's been a rough few days, given the disgusting coverage of the Steubenville convictions. (Original Post) Ms. Toad Mar 2013 OP
Great article. Thank you. LiberalLoner Mar 2013 #1
You're welcome. Ms. Toad Mar 2013 #2
Very well written. I can relate to several issues mentioned. In_The_Wind Mar 2013 #3
The simple power of naming things is amazing Ms. Toad Mar 2013 #4
Thank you very much. In retrospect this morning: almost all of it applies to me. In_The_Wind Mar 2013 #5
Ms. Toad, Sissyk Mar 2013 #6

Ms. Toad

(35,435 posts)
2. You're welcome.
Fri Mar 22, 2013, 12:49 PM
Mar 2013

It seemed needed, in the wake of the focus on destruction of the rapists' lives - and I don't recall seeing too many "where am I now - X years later articles."

Ms. Toad

(35,435 posts)
4. The simple power of naming things is amazing
Sat Mar 23, 2013, 12:41 PM
Mar 2013

Some of us pick out the threads of how sexual abuse impacts our lives long after the abuse very easily - other less so, or pick up on different threads. So simply saying to each other, "I have figured this out about how it still impacts my life," helps each of us make the "clicks" which are so crucial to healing ourselves.

In_The_Wind

(72,300 posts)
5. Thank you very much. In retrospect this morning: almost all of it applies to me.
Sat Mar 23, 2013, 12:47 PM
Mar 2013

Clearly I needed this support group.

Latest Discussions»Support Forums»Sexual Assault Survivors Support»It's been a rough few day...