Trump embarrassed as big announcement fails - Another Day - Brian Tyler Cohen

BTC: Trump assembles his Board of Peace. It's like his Avengers, only slightly less effective. This is just another day.

Throughout history, America has played a role in numerous global alliances which strive to further our shared humanity and bring peace and prosperity to the world. The United Nations, the G7, NATO, and today we can officially add one more to that intrepid list.

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CBS Morning News Host: President Trump unveiled his Board of Peace this morning at the World Economic Forum in Davos, Switzerland. He introduced fellow world leaders who've signed on to the initiative, but notably several US allies, including the UK and France, say they will not join for now.

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BTC: Oh yeah? Well, it is their loss because they are foregoing the opportunity to join the United States in the most impressive international coalition ever created. I give you Donald J. Trump's Board of Peace {dramatic music}. A union of nations so powerful, so prestigious that the only reason global issues will be left unresolved is because this board chose not to resolve them.

And who are these auspicious peace-loving members to which we bow our heads? Oh, next to America, merely the most peace-lovingist on the planet, autocracies like Azerbaijan, Belarus, Turkey, and that's not all. There's also the celebrated authoritarian regimes of Saudi Arabia, Kazakhstan, and Uzbekistan. But we are still not done. This board also includes some of the world's most celebrated diplomatic heroes like Darth Vader, the Menendez brothers, the bald guy from White Lotus, Grok, and JLo at the Glambot. But the granddaddy of them all, the man most deserving of a seat at this peace table.

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Fox News Host: An invitation was extended to Russian President Vladimir Putin. And he responded saying, "You can't have all, these are his words, crybabies on the board. You need people who actually can get things done and you know, people who are real change makers."

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BTC: Oh, Putin is a game changer, all right. You know, in the same way that he changed the look of Ukraine's border, changed the freedoms of Russia's LGBTQ community, and changed Alexi Navalny from alive to not. It is bad enough that Donald Trump has assembled this island of misfit toys from various despotic regimes, but to include Vladimir Putin, a man who is so dangerous that he's also the literal reason Trump said he needed to invade Greenland.

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Trump: If we don't take Greenland, Russia or China will take Greenland. And I am not going to let that happen.

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BTC: I guess I shouldn't be so critical of Vladimir Putin. I mean, each one of history's most renowned peacemakers had a little blemish on their resume. I think we all know how Mother Teresa used to vandalize every orphanage before she left.

The supposed impetus for the formation of Trump's Board of Peace, besides sticking it to those bastards at the United Nations for making him walk up a flight of stairs, was to oversee the reconstruction of Gaza. So, let's hear what they've got.

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Unidentified speaker: New Rafah will start with this will show a lot of workforce housing. We think this could be done in two, three years. We've already started removing the rubble uh and doing some of the demolition.

And then New Gaza, it could be a hope. It could be a destination, have a lot of industry, and really be a place that that the people there can thrive, have great employment.

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BTC: New Gaza, yes, that's what that region needs. Forget four days without war and famine--get them A Four Seasons. See, Donald Trump knows that the Red Cross, Oxfam, and Doctors of Borders all have it wrong. The people in Gaza aren't hungry for food and water. They are hungry for a sweet, sweet piece of property.

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Trump: This is a great location. It all begins. I'm a real estate person at heart. And it's all about location. And I said, "Look at this location on the sea. Look at this beautiful piece of property. What it could be for so many people. It'll be so so great. People that are living so poorly are going to be living so well."

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BTC: How noble. People living so poorly will live so well. Apparently, Donald Trump's entire real estate philosophy is just ripped from Field of Dreams where he assumes if you build it, they will come. But he might want to listen to that voice again because when it comes to the people of Gaza,{whispered voice} if you build it, they can't afford to live there.

So besides stacking his peace obsessed board with some of the world's most notorious autocracies and demagogues, Donald Trump's first order of peace business is to turn Gaza into an affordable Mid-East French Riviera. Hm. I wonder where he's even going to get the money to do that?

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Stephanie Ruhle: The Trump administration is asking countries that want a permanent spot on Trump's Board of Peace to contribute at least a billion bucks.

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BTC: A billion dollars? This isn't a peace board. It's a sham board that's really a scam board. Oh my god. I'm sorry. Is it Is it really that easy to just turn into Chuck Schumer? They don't have compassion. They are looking to comp cash cash in {dons spectacles sliding down the end of his nose}.

I'm sorry, that is such a stupid fucking joke that only the hackiest of hacks would make.

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Elon Musk: I heard I heard about heard about the formation of the the peace summit and I was like, is that is that P I E C? Uh, you know, little piece of Greenland, a little piece of Venezuela.

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BTC: Wow. Elon has the comedy chops of a P I E C E of cardboard. I think I'm finally understanding why he has so many kids trying to repopulate the earth with humans who are forced to laugh at his jokes. But hey, I'm not a anti-word play guy. It can actually be pretty fun. Let me try. Um, it's like Trump isn't protecting therapists. He's protecting the rapists. See?

But for all the people making such a big deal about this billion dollar buy-in, Trump knows it's really not the money that's important.

(White House Audio)
Unknown: Some of the countries are - I think the permanent members contributed a billion dollars. What is that money for Gaza?

Trump: Have already put up a billion. Some of the countries have already put up much more than that. That's a lot of money, but it's nothing compared to the value of peace.

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BTC: Exactly. Trump has always been focused on the value of peace. That's why his office is practically littered with all that peace stuff.

But to be fair, Trump should be allowed to make a few mistakes here and there because frankly he never even expected to be involved with this whole Board of Peace thing anyway.

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Trump: As part of this historic record of major peace initiatives, today we're announcing more details regarding the Board of Peace. So important. This board has the chance to be one of the most consequential bodies ever created. And it's my enormous honor to serve as its chairman. I was very honored when they asked me to do it. We had an idea to do and then they came. They said we you be the chairman.

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BTC: I'm honestly getting a little nervous for this president. He is a 79 year-old man and people are constantly surprising him. He had no idea he'd be chairman of his own Board of Peace. It was a complete shock when the people he appointed to the Kennedy Center surprised him by adding his name to the building. And he was outright dumbstruck when Venezuela's Maria Machado gave him her Nobel Prize after he whined about not getting one. At that age, if these surprises keep coming, I think something really bad. You know what? Don't let me be a party pooper. Just keep those surprises coming.

The reality is this Board of Peace is just one more example of Donald Trump's never-ending marketing strategy where he slaps a grand name on a terrible product.

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Trump: The one Big Beautiful Bill, the biggest tax cuts in the history of our country, the Trump victory tourbillon. This isn't just any watch. It's one of the best watches made. When it comes to great steaks, I've just raised the stakes. Trump Steaks are “the world's greatest steaks” and I mean that in every sense of the word.

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BTC: Yes. And just like Trump Steaks, the Board of Peace is a curious mix of shady ingredients with a laughably high price tag.

Look how far we've fallen as a country. America used to be a leader on the global stage and the envy of our allies. Our presidents used to surround themselves with advocates for democracy, not those looking to tear it down. Our leaders would travel overseas and set the tone for international cooperation through strong rhetoric rooted in a shared compassion for humanity, not by ridiculing our closest trading partners. Their mere presence around the world was meant to build bridges between nations, not build tacky resorts in them. Donald Trump took a look at suffering around the globe, and he had the same thought he always had. I bet I could make a nice piece of profit off of that.

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Elon Musk: Is that is that P I E C?

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BTC: It sure is.