Zorro
Zorro's JournalHow long before Trump threatens The Onion?
https://www.tiktok.com/@theonion/video/7581946882230881550Florida moves toward eliminating four vaccine mandates, expanding exemption
The Florida Department of Health on Wednesday took a step toward eliminating four childhood vaccine mandates — a move the department can take without the Legislature’s sign-off or the governor’s signature.
The proposal, which was debated during a Friday workshop in Panama City Beach, is the first tangible step in Florida Surgeon General Joseph Ladapo’s plan to eliminate all vaccine mandates in Florida.
Florida statute requires vaccinations for diseases like polio, measles and tetanus. Changing those requirements takes the Legislature’s action.
But the Department of Health has for years required four additional vaccines for school attendance: Varicella, or chickenpox; Hepatitis B; Haemophilus influenzae type b, or Hib; and Pneumococcal conjugate, or PCV15/20.
https://www.tampabay.com/news/florida-politics/2025/12/12/florida-vaccine-mandate-ladapo-desantis-chickenpox-health-exemption/
Getting reeeeaal tired of these anti-science zealots making public policies that affect the welfare of the state and country...
Golden Dome: The Astronomical Cost of Defeating 'Any Foreign Aerial Attack'
Just days into his second administration, President Donald Trump signed an executive order attempting to do what no other commander in chief has done: build a system for the US to “deter—and defend its citizens and critical infrastructure against—any foreign aerial attack on the Homeland.”
The threats that the so-called Golden Dome is meant to defeat sit mainly in the arsenals of Russia, China and North Korea, which together have hundreds of nuclear missiles and thousands of other weapons that could be used to wage war on the US.
The US has historically relied on a policy of nuclear deterrence, and a limited system of ground-based missile interceptors in Alaska and California, to fend off such an attack. But Trump’s Golden Dome would go much further.
The initiative is intended to create layers of defense systems from the ground to space that will stop incoming missiles launched from anywhere in the world. It would uniquely rely on a system of space-based interceptor satellites that track and destroy missiles in orbit as they hurtle toward a destination on Earth—technology that doesn’t yet exist.
Even if Golden Dome does become operational, there’s no guarantee the system will be 100% effective. What it will look like, who will make it and how much it will cost have still not been made public.
https://www.bloomberg.com/graphics/2025-golden-dome/?accessToken=eyJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiIsInR5cCI6IkpXVCJ9.eyJzb3VyY2UiOiJTdWJzY3JpYmVyR2lmdGVkQXJ0aWNsZSIsImlhdCI6MTc2NTYzNjE2OSwiZXhwIjoxNzY2MjQwOTY5LCJhcnRpY2xlSWQiOiJUNzRMNE1LR0lGUk0wMCIsImJjb25uZWN0SWQiOiJDNjgyQTUwQzJCRDM0MTFCQTgwQjEwQjZEQjczQzM1MSJ9.CNS6Er8AfFdGZFcF13LwrIj0dRGjMDlEQYo1me8XQ1Q
Stephen Miller's Wife Makes Embarrassing Error While Defending Melania's English
The wife of the architect of Donald Trump’s mass deportation policy made an embarrassing blunder while attempting to defend Melania Trump’s command of English.
Katie Miller, a conservative podcaster who is married to top Trump aide Stephen Miller, was apparently trying to argue that the first lady, a former model from Slovenia, is the “good” type of immigrant, unlike Democratic Minnesota Rep. Ilhan Omar, who fled Somalia’s civil war as a child.
“Melanie Trump loves her country and has devoted her life to serving it,” Miller wrote in a post on X. “You can’t say the same for Ilhan Omar who openly hates America and laughs off the theft of a billion dollars by her own Somali people.”
Her replies were quickly flooded with users asking, “Who’s Melanie?”
https://www.thedailybeast.com/stephen-millers-wife-katie-makes-embarrassing-error-while-defending-melania-trumps-english/
DeSantis admin diverted child welfare and medical funds for consultants, ads
During the fight to defeat amendments 3 and 4 last year, Gov. DeSantis’ administration spent at least $36.2 million in taxpayer funds.Gov. Ron DeSantis’ administration diverted more than $35 million in taxpayer funds — an amount far greater than previously known — as part of a brazen agenda last year to defeat two ballot amendments he staunchly opposed, a Tampa Bay Times/Miami Herald investigation has found.
Much of the state money was intended to assist needy Floridians, including children. Instead, it paid for political consultants, lawyers and thousands of advertisements that helped DeSantis and his supporters win at the ballot box.
The ads purchased with the diverted money blanketed TV, social media and radio stations in the weeks before the election. They defended Florida’s six-week abortion ban and made exaggerated claims about the dangers of marijuana without mentioning that both were the subject of ballot amendments last fall.
Along the way, the governor’s administration bent state spending laws and obscured millions in government spending, records and interviews show.
The findings shed new light on the DeSantis administration’s marshaling of state resources to finance his fight against political causes supported by a majority of Florida voters. Amendment 3 would have legalized recreational marijuana. Amendment 4 would have overturned the six-week abortion ban pushed by DeSantis. Both fell just short of the 60% needed to pass.
https://www.tampabay.com/news/florida-politics/2025/12/12/desantis-election-2024-amendments-ads-abortion-marijuana-spending/
Maybe Floridians will finally wake up to the rampant corruption in the state government.
Hegseth Seizes Scottish Tanker Carrying Whiskey
ABERDEEN, SCOTLAND (The Borowitz Report)—In a move that sent liquor prices soaring on global markets, on Thursday Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth ordered the seizure of a Sottish tanker carrying single-malt whiskey.
“Despite my repeated demands, the tanker refused to deliver its cargo to me,” Hegseth said. “You can ask anyone who knows me: Pete Hegseth will not be cut off.”
Hegseth, who ordered the seizure via a late-night Signal text riddled with typos, said he hoped his action would deter other shippers who dare to threaten his alcohol supply.
“The seizure of this tanker sends a clear message,” he said. “If anything is going to be loaded with whiskey, it’s me.”
https://www.borowitzreport.com/p/hegseth-seizes-scottish-tanker-carrying
US seizure of rogue oil tanker off Venezuela signals new crackdown on shadow fleet
The oil tanker was steaming near the coast of Guyana recently when its location transponder showed it starting to zigzag. It was a seemingly improbable maneuver and the latest digital clue that the ship, the Skipper, was trying to obscure its whereabouts and the valuable cargo stored inside its hull: tens of millions of dollars’ worth of illicit crude oil.
On Wednesday, U.S. commandos fast-roping from helicopters seized the 332-meter (1,090-feet) ship — not where it appeared to be navigating on ship tracking platforms but some 360 nautical miles to the northwest, near the coast of Venezuela.
The seizure marked a dramatic escalation in President Donald Trump's campaign to pressure strongman Nicolás Maduro by cutting off access to oil revenues that have long been the lifeblood of Venezuela's economy. It could also signal a broader U.S. campaign to clamp down on ships like the Skipper, which experts and U.S. officials say is part of a shadowy fleet of rusting oil tankers that smuggle oil for countries facing stiff sanctions, such as Venezuela, Russia and Iran.
“There are hundreds of flagless, stateless tankers that have been a lifeline for revenues, sanctioned oil revenues, for regimes like Maduro’s, Iran and for the Kremlin,” said Michelle Weise Bockmann, a senior analyst at Windward, a maritime intelligence firm that tracks such vessels. “They can no longer operate unchallenged.”
https://finance.yahoo.com/news/us-seizure-rogue-oil-tanker-212656491.html
Torrance postal carrier raided the mail to fund a luxury lifestyle: Dior bags, lavish trips
A former U.S. Postal Service carrier in Torrance was sentenced Monday to more than five years for stealing mail, using stolen bank cards, checks and unemployment benefits to fund luxury shopping sprees and international vacations — all while bragging about it online.
Mary Ann Magdamit, 31, of Carson was sentenced to 63 months in federal prison and ordered to pay $660,200 in restitution, according to the U.S. attorney’s office. Magdamit pleaded guilty in August to conspiracy to commit bank fraud.
“Especially for the poorest Americans, who are often unbanked, they rely on the mail to deliver their government benefits in the form of Treasury checks or EDD debit cards, precisely what [Magdamit] chose to steal,” prosecutors wrote in a sentencing memorandum.
Federal investigators traced more than 100 cards reported stolen by customers in Torrance to Magdamit’s regular postal route through activation records, phone data and social media posts.
Magdamit admitted she sorted mail on the street, plucked credit cards from her route, and often took them home to activate or sell to criminal partners, federal authorities said. She often flaunted her wealth on Instagram, posting stacks of hundred-dollar bills and shopping bags from Louis Vuitton, Dior and Palm Angels.
https://www.latimes.com/california/story/2025-12-10/torrance-postal-carrier-raided-mail-to-buy-lavish-goods-is-sentenced
Justice Department drafting a list of 'domestic terrorists'
Justice Department leadership has directed the FBI to “compile a list of groups or entities engaged in acts that may constitute domestic terrorism” by the start of next year, and to establish a “cash reward system” that incentivizes individuals to report on their fellow Americans, according to a memo reviewed by The Times.
Law enforcement agencies are directed in the memo, dated Dec. 4, to identify “domestic terrorists” who use violence, or the threat of violence, to advance political and social agendas, including “adherence to radical gender ideology, anti-Americanism, anti-capitalism, or anti-Christianity.”
Although the memo does not mention protests against President Trump’s immigration crackdown directly, it says that problematic “political and social agendas” could include “opposition to law and immigration enforcement, extreme views in favor of mass migration and open borders.”
The memo, sent by Atty, Gen. Pam Bondi to federal prosecutors and law enforcement agencies, follows on a presidential memorandum signed by Trump in the immediate aftermath of the killing of Charlie Kirk, a prominent conservative figure, that gave civil rights groups pause over the potential targeting of political activists, donors and nonprofits opposed to the president.
The memo also outlines what it says are causes of domestic terrorist activity, including “hostility towards traditional views on family, religion, and morality.”
https://www.latimes.com/politics/story/2025-12-11/justice-department-drafting-list-of-domestic-terrorists
Can You Guys Come Pick Me Up? I Accidentally Returned To Mars
Well, this is super embarrassing. It looks like I must have gotten myself pretty turned around back there and totally missed My destination. I hate to ask, but I was hoping I could catch a ride back to Earth with you guys, because I somehow wound up returning to Mars by accident.
I know, I know, I am a freaking moron.
Man, this sucks. I really thought it was just a straight shot from My seat at the right hand of the Father down to His earthly kingdom, but obviously I was mistaken. Which is extra humiliating considering I’m supposed to be all-seeing and all-knowing, and everything. Apparently not! Apparently, the King of Kings and Lord of Lords is a total bonehead with zero sense of direction. So, yeah, if you could come grab Me, I’d super appreciate it.
Maybe I took a wrong turn at Cloud 18 or something? I don’t know, they all kinda look the same: huge, majestic, riddled with angels playing their stupid harps at all hours of the day. And it’s true I haven’t been back in almost 2,000 years…but come on. How could I be so stupid?
At first I looked around at all the red soil and sunbaked cliffs, assumed I was in Arizona, and was like, “Okay, looks like the Rapture is starting in Phoenix!” Then I started feeling really short of breath and realized there was basically no atmosphere at all. Like, none. And I thought, hmm, that’s odd, I’ve never been to the American Southwest, but I’m pretty sure there should at least be some oxygen. It wasn’t until I turned around to get My bearings and saw two huge-ass moons floating in the sky that I realized, shit, You are on the completely wrong planet.
Fuck My life.
https://theonion.com/can-you-guys-come-pick-me-up-i-accidentally-returned-to-mars/
This entire article is a hoot.
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