SEATTLE (The Borowitz Report)—Less than two weeks since he tied the knot with Lauren Sanchez, Jeff Bezos has been finding it “nearly impossible” to return wedding gifts to Amazon, sources close to the newlyweds revealed on Wednesday.

According to those sources, Bezos has experienced an unacceptable level of difficulty navigating the Amazon returns system and has failed “repeatedly” to get a customer service representative to speak to him.

An associate who witnessed Bezos cursing as he attempted to print a return mailing label said that he was “in disbelief that so-called friends had bought wedding gifts on Amazon.”

“He thought that he and Lauren would be showered with luxury items,” the associate said. “At the very least, he thought he’d get more than a set of steak knives from Ivanka and Jared.”