TEHRAN (The Borowitz Report)—In a surprise attack that has rattled the White House, on Saturday morning the Iranian Air Force dropped unredacted copies of the Epstein files on the U.S.

Standing in front of a banner reading, “OMISSION UNACCOMPLISHED,” Iran’s Supreme Leader said that its aircraft dropped the files over most major media outlets in the U.S. but skipped CBS and CNN.

“Like Bari Weiss is going to run with this story?” he scoffed. “Good one.”

The Ayatollah added that Iran had not bothered to drop the files over the U.S. Capitol, stating, “We have seen no evidence that Congress still exists.”