Trump seeks $20 billion from Congress as reparations to Jeffrey Dahmer's brother. "Hey. He was hungry. Not his fault." [View all]

Washington DC - President Donald Trump demanded emergency funding of $20 billion as "reparations" for Jeffrey Dahmer's only surviving relative, his younger brother, David Dahmer (born 1966). David changed his name and chose to live in total anonymity to escape his brother's dark legacy.

"This is clearly a case of DDS," Trump said. He was referring to Dahmer Derangement Syndrome, a condition suffered by liberals who call Dahmer "The Milwaukee Monster" after it was revealed that he tortured, killed, and ate his victims.

"He was hungry, and the radical left lunatics think that made him a criminal. I'm having a button installed on the Resolute Desk so that I can have a Big Mac every time I press it. If I press it 10 times, they bring me 10 Big Macs. All for me. None for you."

The reported installation cost of the Resolute Desk Big Mac Button is $48 million. When asked about this inexplicably high cost, Trump replied "It's a gift to America. Only people with RDBMBDS ( "Resolute Desk Big Mac Button Derangement Syndrome" ) would object.

Trump also signed an executive order to declare June 19th....also "Juneteenth"...as Jeffrey Dahmer Remembrance Day. "He's suffered enough." When informed that Dahmer was killed in prison in 1994, Trump replied "OK, then. I've suffered enough. Now go get Rubio and tell him to send Ghislane Maxwell another puppy. She's suffered enough too. You're all morons. Fake news. You're all terrible people."

Ghislane Maxwell responded to reporters' queries with "YAY!"

This is a developing story. More details will follow as they happen.