The Borowitz Report: BREAKING: Another Statement From Melania [View all]

Link:
https://www.borowitzreport.com/p/breaking-another-statement-from-melania
BREAKING: In the early hours of Friday, when everyone else at the White House was fast asleep, Melania Trump made the following statement:
Good morning.
The lies linking me with the disgraceful Donald J. Trump need to end today.
The individuals lying about me are devoid of ethical standards, humility, and respect. I do not object to their ignorance, but rather, I reject their mean-spirited attempts to defame my reputation by linking me to the most hated man on the planet.
I have never been friends with Trump. I was invited to the same parties as him from time to time, since overlapping in social circles is common in New York City and Palm Beach. When I saw him at one of those parties, I realized it was a party full of grifters and low-lifes, and immediately left.
To be clear, I never had a relationship with Trump or his accomplices, JD Vance, Pete Hegseth, and especially Stephen Miller. The thought of having a relationship with any of them makes me want to hurl.
... [snip] ...
Now is the time for Congress to act. Trump is not alone. To commit his crimes he has had the help not only of the toadies in his Cabinet but from a pack of slimy oligarchs such as Elon Musk, Mark Zuckerberg, and Jeff Bezos. I call for thorough, Nuremberg-style hearings to bring all of these despicable traitors to justice.
Then, and only then, will we have the truth.
- more at link -
Boom!