This Oregon shrub is NSFW, stops traffic in Portland suburb

Updated: Mar. 20, 2023, 11:58 a.m.|Published: Mar. 20, 2023, 7:00 a.m.

By Michael Alberty | For The Oregonian/OregonLive

My suburban neighborhood is home to a 12-foot-tall arborvitae shaped like a circumcised penis. Frankly, it’s the most exciting thing to happen in Tualatin since The Beatles spent the night at the old Sweetbrier Inn.

The impressive arborvitae, aka the “chub shrub,” is the brainchild of Lynn Stanek, a business owner who has lived in Tualatin, a Portland suburb, for 24 years. Stanek said she amused herself for at least 20 years by daydreaming about shaping her front yard shrub into phallic form. The dream became a reality on Aug. 28, 2021.

“I was out there trimming the thing with a 24-inch bar on my hedger thinking, ‘I’m 90% of the way there, why not today?’” Stanek said. Before going full-on chub shrub, Stanek polled her neighbors to see how they felt about having a penis tree pop up in their cul-de-sac.

Stanek’s immediate neighbors, Anthony and Natalie Ballas, thought it was a fine idea. Stanek said other neighbors seemed to think she was kidding. Still, nobody threw themselves in front of her trimmer, so she proceeded with her arboreal bris.

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