Boris Johnson says "I do", but in a very specific and limited way [View all]
Boris Johnson's wedding vows exclusively revealed
A Downing Street official told us, “It is perfectly normal for a high-profile couple to get engaged, telling everyone including the media they’re doing it, and to then get married in secret just days after some pretty damning negative press.
“I should also point out there is no truth in the rumour that Boris demanded a ‘quickie’ marriage after someone said he could declare all gifts and loans in the last couple of years as ‘early wedding gifts’.”
Meanwhile, we have gained exclusive access to Boris’ wedding vows, which he had drawn on a flash card next to a childish doodle of some boobs:
“I, Alexander Boris de Pfeffel Johnson take thee, the third one, to be my current wife,
forsaking most others,
to have and to hold from this day forward until such time as it is no longer convenient,
for better, and only better,
for richer, and much richer,
in sickness (as long as it’s not one of the bad ones),
to love and to cherish, till something better comes along,
as long we both shall live comfortably.”
https://newsthump.com/2021/05/30/boris-johnsons-wedding-vows-exclusively-revealed/]
LOL.
The timing of this wedding could not look more dodgy!
The Daily Mash actually predicted this happening in a satire piece on the 27th...
https://www.thedailymash.co.uk/politics/johnson-brings-forward-wedding-to-this-afternoon-20210527208533]
You literally could not make this shit up.