Men's Group

I really wanted to respond to the Bill Maher thread comments as well as those posted here on the Men’s Group, because I think I can offer a perspective on the entire issue of “male culture”, having seen and experienced it from a position of weakness where I really questioned my own masculinity and my place in the culture as a man.
First, I think there is a terrible double standard in play, one which results in a situation where it’s impossible to win. On one hand, you’re expected to be strong, to follow the role models that we grew up with. I realize those have changed with time, it’s not quite the land of the Marlboro Man on his horse alone, or the unfeeling, unaware, insensitive he-man of the past. But still, there was pressure on my generation, I’m the first year of GenX, and growing up in the 1970’s there were still fairly rigid sexual role models at play, despite the women’s liberation movement. Boys still didn’t play with dolls, unless it was GI Joe. They played sports and still worked through the pain. Of course, if you were one of the boys that couldn’t do that for whatever reason, you were on the bottom of the pecking order, few other values, such as intelligence, were rated as highly as physical strength and athleticism. Sensitivity was a weakness, if you cried easily you were really a failure in the eyes of society, something was wrong with you, because real men didn’t do that.
This double standard still exists. If you’re what is considered the masculine standard of that era, you’re a brute, a Neanderthal, out of touch with your feelings and incapable of being a good partner. If you’re sensitive, you’re a wimp, milquetoast, weak. So, damned if you do and damned if you don’t.

I thought all of the commentary attacking “traditional” male interests such as organized sports and cars was interesting. So many who posted dismissed sports as just modern-day panem et circenses. I used to think that way myself. But I’ve had a change of heart there – I see a higher purpose than just diversion for the masses. I’ve observed here in Detroit that a mutual interest brings together the community in a good way, it helps people relate to each other, and other types of inter-reactions stem from it. Interest in the Tigers and Red Wings really does bring people together. It’s not just a side show in life meant to divert. Sure, there are excesses, such as the salaries paid to players, but that is part of a wider systemic belief system, CEO’s and entertainers are paid more than anyone is really “worth”. Similarly with cars, I think it’s rather sad for people who are no doubt into reading, or pets, or cooking, or exercise, or collecting whatever, to criticize someone else for their own interests. Everyone, to my knowledge, has some interest, if it’s just watching some dumb tv series, and I don’t think anyone should be judged for an interest that is at least harmless and hopefully healthy and beneficial.

So, I think it really boils down to ONE thing – to Hell with these idiots. I’ve been on the receiving end of this shit too long. If I choose to learn to play basketball, or make quilts, my life, my business. If they don’t like it, well, fuck off. I've spent enough of my life being judge, and feeling like I'm being judge, by other people who didn't have the right to do it in the first place. Enough is enough. I deserve to feel good about myself and to be happy.