Men's Group

I will say that I think homophobia in general, and homophobia among men, is a complex issue with multiple apparent causes or tie-ins. I do NOT think that the role of religion can or should be discounted, minimized or under-played. I think it is a gross oversimplification- and a misreading of the situation- to claim that homophobia is simply driven by misogyny, because hetero men see gay men as they see women, and as such gay men are really just a proxy for hatred of women.

Misogyny is real, I do believe there are people who hate women, just as there are people who hate... well, lots of different kinds of people. ...but I don't think misogyny from men towards women is expressed the same way that homophobia between men is expressed. Nor do I think the causes are the same.

(And this is leaving aside trying to clear up a definition of 'misogyny' which is often taken to include many forms of sexual attraction from men towards women- not unwanted advances, not harassment, but the attraction itself, when it is based upon superficial physical characteristics or appearance or an expression of 'wanting to have sex with', which is taken, again, somehow as an indication of "hate" That's a whole additional can of worms)

That's not to say that there isn't some overlap between men- particularly overly traditional, and particularly religious fundamentalist (again) men who look down on women and similarly look down on gay men. If there's a sexual angle to it all, I'd have to say that at it's core it has to contain a good deal of self-loathing; if you reflexively hate anyone who might be attracted to someone like you, what does that say about how you feel about yourself?


Hmmmm. Gee, whiz! That really might be food for thought, might'nt it?... Ahem.

I also think there is a relationship, definitely, between some homophobia and cultural expectations (of the tired, leave it to beaver sort) of what it supposedly means to "be a man". Or to be brave, or strong, or whatever- Which is ridiculous, of course, because some of the most bad-ass, brave and strong men I know of were/are also Gay.

My experiences with homophobia growing up were that it was sort of akin to the idea of "cooties". (Or, maybe Communism under the HUAC) If you weren't sufficiently and vocally anti-gay, you might get accused of being gay yourself, and then God knows what might happen..... but which all ties back into the idea someone, somewhere promulgated that being gay was this inherently horrible thing. And it did not escape the notice of the smarter, nerdier, glasses-wearing creative kids that it was often low-valence meathead goons who were using anti-gay rhetoric and slurs against us smart, nerdy, glasses-wearing creative types, regardless of who we were attracted to.

So it seemed to me that somewhere between 1990 and 1999, mostly, a large portion of the hetero male members of my generation collectively went "Er, why the fuck should I care if someone is Gay"? And that was pretty much that. The generation after mine, even better, seems to have popped into adulthood with this sensibility already installed.

And geographics does play a big role. I consider myself fortunate that I live in a part of the country where being gay is literally the sort of thing that no one bats an eye over, not anymore, not for a long time. (Sadly, yes, I know our state constitution doesn't reflect that... but I am confident it will, soon)