Men's Group

it pushes people to be more cautious about whether their partner is actually, freely saying yes, or if they are being pressured into saying yes.

But does it? Was that what Twisty was saying? Was that what she was saying when she told women that any time they came first and didn't immediately stop, they weren't "doing Nigel a solid" they were "letting him use her as a t****t"?

Those were Twisty's words, in that same piece.

http://blog.iblamethepatriarchy.com/2011/07/18/a-bit-of-lighthearted-fun/



Now, you can reinterpret that as "gents, make damn sure that the woman you're having sex with really wants to", which, I would agree, is some stellar advice in all cases- but that's not what she's saying.



Except, is that really what you think is going on here? I don't. The original blog post was not well written and certainly seemed to be leaving information out. But I said upthread, if the story was ONLY as it was presented; "she had told him she didn't want to have sex, and somehow he ended up..." then no question, it's rape.

I agree, sex should be mutually and enthusiastically consented to. And as I said upthread, the ONLY way to ethically proceed in the world is to assume no always means no. I can see why the NIH study could be seen to be sending the wrong message; even though the study's authors themselves stated that they felt sexual shaming and cultural pressure might be the cause of the phenomenon and the negative fallout could include more people feeling that "no does not always mean no". That's what they said.

However, I don't think any of us are served by the personal attacks and attempts at character assassination, not to mention the dredging up of stuff from last year or beyond. We can go there, but we don't have to.