Men's Group

I'll just express my thoughts as they come to mind. I'll probably have more to say later.

My own point of view? I'm just a 63-year-old white guy who's been happily married to the same woman for over 30 years. I think I lucked out in that regard. Our two daughters have turned out to be wonderful young women. But I've never had much of a career; so, many might consider me to be a failure.

Of course, I disagree with those of the feminists who have ridiculously extreme views, such as those who have been referenced in this forum. So, please don't misunderstand me when I say I'm still sympathetic to the problems many girls and women have. What has always disturbed me about the Men's Rights Movement (to whom, incidentally, I do not equate this DU group) is that they seemingly have always blamed men's problems on women, particularly the feminist movement. I dare say the problems I experienced as a boy growing up were caused by other guys, not those of "the opposite sex" (although I did know more than a few jerks at school who fell into that category). None of the problems that I experienced as a boy (or a young man, for that matter) were caused by feminists. But, of course, I'm just speaking for myself.

Concerning Point No. 1, how true that is! True, there has been more social awareness about the issue of bullying in the schools; but the "blame the victim" mentality is still in abundance. Where do people get the idea that you strengthen the weak by tearing them down? Some acts of bullying -- especially, in my opinion, in junior high and high school gyms -- are actually crimes of physical assault. An adult who committed the same act of violence upon another adult would soon find himself in a courtroom being prosecuted; but when a boy is subjected to an act of physical violence (even, for example, as extreme as a stronger boy deliberately smashing a weaker boy in the face with a cricket bat and breaking his nose), the only "punishment" the perp may receive is a few days' suspension from school. (This really happened to a friend of mine in London.) As adults, we may feel like responding violently to defend our own "manhood." I can relate to that!

Sex can be a source of emotional pain in more ways that one would expect. At my age (63 years old), I'm stuck with a profoundly low body self-image, which I'm now desperately trying to overcome by pumping iron at a local health club. I've already spent thousands of dollars on personal trainers for about four years now. I've made a permanent commitment for the sake of my psychological well-being, not to mention my physical health. I've had to work against a high metabolic rate, diabetes, and a chronic sleep disorder. (As you probably know, good sleep is essential to bodybuilding.) I've progressed from being scrawny to having an average build. But I still have a long way to go; and, frankly, I'm concerned about my very slow rate of progress! The point of this frank and self-centered admission is that women are not the only ones who experience body image problems.

I'll tell you what really gets me about this. Intellectually I realize that body build has nothing to do with masculinity. There have been many men of great courage who had lousy physiques. The extremely courageous Swede Raoul Wallenberg (who is presumed to have perished during some year in the Soviet gulag) is someone I admire greatly; but, (expletive deleted), I'd hate to have his slight build! My doctor has said that the only exercise I need as a diabetes patient is to take brisk hour-long walks, but I must do the bodybuilding (and take the walks on "off days&quot !

Well, I guess I've just made a fool out of myself. I could say we men (well, at least some of us, such as yours truly) are plagued by irrationalities at their own expense; but that's true of women as well.