Feminists

When it first came out, and who told me "Oh, you wouldn't like it. You're a feminist, and it's about sex." My reaction was WTF? What on earth does she think a feminist is? How does wanting to defend reproductive rights, assure equal pay for women, and make sure girls are offered the same educational opportunities as boys equate to not liking sex? Does she think my political views promote celibacy? She must have me confused with Sarah Palin!

Now that I've heard a bit more about it, I realize she was right. I wouldn't like it. Not because I'm a feminist, but because I hate pain. I realize a lot of people of all genders are into BD/SM, and as long as the acts are consensual and no permanent injury results, that's okay. But it doesn't turn me on. There's a popular series of erotic novels by Jacqueline Carey about a woman who's a submissive, and while I enjoyed the sex parts, I skimmed over the whipping bits while visibly wincing. I found The Story of O repulsive, and walked out on The Cook, the Thief, etc. because of the graphic cruelty. None of which means I'm a prude.

But I fear a lot of people will think exactly that. They'll think the reason we dislike the novel is because of the sex, not because the overwhelming majority of erotica portrays women as always being eagerly submissive (Anne Rice's erotica is a notable exception), and it sets up unrealistic views about what a sexual relationship should be like.