Welcome to DU! The truly grassroots left-of-center political community where regular people, not algorithms, drive the discussions and set the standards. Join the community: Create a free account Support DU (and get rid of ads!): Become a Star Member Latest Breaking News Editorials & Other Articles General Discussion The DU Lounge All Forums Issue Forums Culture Forums Alliance Forums Region Forums Support Forums Help & Search

LadyHawkAZ

(6,199 posts)
8. I just had to explain to a 17 year old on my Facebook
Sat Oct 13, 2012, 03:37 PM
Oct 2012

(and the teenagers on her feed) why it was wrong to blame the poor girl for the actions of other people, and equally wrong to hold the single mistake she made at 12 to a higher standard than the long, repeated mistakes her peers knowingly inflicted on her. My head aches now.

Awful, awful situation all the way around.

ETA this just crossed my path right after I got out of that discussion, and it hits on all the relevant points:
http://www.vancouverobserver.com/blogs/feminista/why-isnt-anyone-talking-about-misogyny-involved-amanda-todds-life-and-death

“There was no discussion of the pressure girls like Amanda experience to measure their worth through their sexual desirability. From her story it sounds like this man had the hallmarks of a predator—he tried to use her photos to blackmail her and yet she's the one who got blamed. This comes from the idea that it's up to girls and women to protect their purity at the same time as all their role models in the media say that you need to ‘get a man’ to be a complete person, that you need to be sexually attractive to be liked, appreciated, and valued. She said the guy she showed off to was telling her how beautiful she was. Given our culture that can be really tempting for a girl.”

Ah yes, context. In a context in which women are told in manifold ways that everything about them is wrong— their emotions, their bodies, their fat, their lack of fat, their developing, their aging—when someone comes along and tells you that you are perfect and beautiful, that’s some powerful stuff.

This man’s intention, when he threatened Todd with exposure of the coercive images, was to make Todd feel like a whore. The weapon that this man was able to rely on was the judgment of our society. Under our unequal social and economic conditions, the stakes are higher when a woman falls out of favour with her community. For a girl or woman, falling out of favour with her community can mean a sentence to a nightmarish cycle of distress.

If we diffuse the judgment, and look at the behaviour of the attacker, we can weaken the attack. We need less focus on “the mistake” and more on the sexism in our society that this man wielded—successfully—to rid the planet of another young woman.

Recommendations

0 members have recommended this reply (displayed in chronological order):

A shame on many levels Doctor_J Oct 2012 #1
The Internet has Cons as well as Pros. It amplifies schoolyard stuff exponentially johnlucas Oct 2012 #2
Actually, I would just show teens this story . . . caseymoz Oct 2012 #4
It'll stop a few. But people always think things like this won't happen to them...until it does johnlucas Oct 2012 #5
No, I think if you look at . . . caseymoz Oct 2012 #6
Well what about sexting between teens? johnlucas Oct 2012 #7
Sexting is why you show them this story. caseymoz Oct 2012 #9
End discussion, sure. But you're not accounting for human nature johnlucas Oct 2012 #10
And PS: You don't listen to anybody.nt caseymoz Oct 2012 #13
Nor do you... regnaD kciN Oct 2012 #35
Not just on those who harrassed her but the blackmailing stalker himself johnlucas Oct 2012 #36
This is the saddest story I've seen in a long time. caseymoz Oct 2012 #3
Ican't even dwell on "What instinct was triggered here" Catherina Oct 2012 #15
I just had to explain to a 17 year old on my Facebook LadyHawkAZ Oct 2012 #8
+1 ~ ^This^ Zorra Oct 2012 #11
So much this. Starry Messenger Oct 2012 #12
Thank you. THIS ^^^^ Catherina Oct 2012 #14
Doesn't make it right but it's going to happen if you expose yourself on the internet johnlucas Oct 2012 #20
Your answers are very... polite Catherina Oct 2012 #21
I don't condone the 'boys will be boys' mindset but people will exploit you on the internet johnlucas Oct 2012 #23
"All of it for the mighty dick that can't control itself." KatyaR Oct 2012 #27
And we as a society have the choice to make life more difficult for the stalker Gormy Cuss Oct 2012 #22
Yes, I'm in favor of laws addressing internet stalking johnlucas Oct 2012 #24
It's possible to hunt down and identify individual stalkers within national borders Gormy Cuss Oct 2012 #34
Well let's work on the ones within the national borders johnlucas Oct 2012 #48
I don't think that the fear of making the internet less free is a valid argument against privacy law Gormy Cuss Oct 2012 #49
As long as it's smart regulation I'm down johnlucas Oct 2012 #54
I don't think Obama will do anything about it, nor do I expect Congress to act. Gormy Cuss Oct 2012 #60
No, the answer was to expose this guy who threatened her about the pics johnlucas Oct 2012 #26
The fact that she was taken advantage of by a perverted pedo LadyHawkAZ Oct 2012 #28
I don't mind having this discussion. I welcome it. johnlucas Oct 2012 #30
I am too ill to type out a response tonight LadyHawkAZ Oct 2012 #32
Cultures were formed from environmental & biological settings johnlucas Oct 2012 #33
I'm beginning to think you might be in the wrong place LadyHawkAZ Oct 2012 #37
Misunderstandings here. Listen to what I say johnlucas Oct 2012 #45
I'll watch for it then LadyHawkAZ Oct 2012 #46
Here it is LadyHawkAZ johnlucas Oct 2012 #55
"No matter how you put it Masculine is designed to attract Feminine & Feminine is designed to Zorra Oct 2012 #50
I'll invite you to that thread me & LadyHawkAZ will talk in johnlucas Oct 2012 #51
John? Please, consider that you are a man, making repeated, assertive, absolute statements to a Zorra Oct 2012 #52
Oh so just because it comes from a man, it's to be discarded? johnlucas Oct 2012 #53
LOL! Oh, my. No, Zorra Oct 2012 #58
I touch on the control of female sexaulity & homophobia in that thread I made for LadyHawkAZ johnlucas Oct 2012 #59
Zorra? MadrasT Oct 2012 #56
In wake of Amanda Todd suicide, House of Commons to debate anti-bullying bill Catherina Oct 2012 #16
Amanda Todd still a target of vile online abuse - on FB page set up in memory of teen 'found hanged Catherina Oct 2012 #17
This is how people are on the internet. That's why I talked about preventive techniques johnlucas Oct 2012 #25
It just gets worse :( Catherina Oct 2012 #18
'It got traced to somebody in the United States' Catherina Oct 2012 #19
It just gets worse and worse Catherina Oct 2012 #29
The problem with an Anonymous organization LadyHawkAZ Oct 2012 #38
Totally agreed Catherina Oct 2012 #39
They're doing some policing today Catherina Oct 2012 #43
About time n/t LadyHawkAZ Oct 2012 #44
Good...about time they did some fucking self-policing Blue_Tires Oct 2012 #57
huh? 4chan IS "anonymous" Batman bin Suparman Oct 2012 #47
This is seriously depressing Catherina Oct 2012 #31
How fucking sick and tragic. I cannot believe this. smirkymonkey Mar 2013 #61
It's very hard to believe. Catherina Mar 2013 #63
Man fired for posting negative comments on Amanda Todd's memorial page Catherina Oct 2012 #40
Two of her tormentors have been named Catherina Oct 2012 #41
As far as I am concerned, her tormenters should be shot. smirkymonkey Mar 2013 #62
I updated the original since the first video link is no longer working Catherina Mar 2013 #64
One alleged tormentor was in court yesterday on charges of sexually interfering with another minor Catherina Oct 2012 #42
Just found this thread... TeeYiYi Mar 2013 #65
Bumping your thread Catherina, because at least a bit of justice for Amanda has begun. polly7 Apr 2014 #66
I don't know why I'm surprised that it was someone so far away Catherina Apr 2014 #67
Well, that's good news LadyHawkAZ Apr 2014 #68
Done :) polly7 Apr 2014 #69
Awesome LadyHawkAZ Apr 2014 #70
Latest Discussions»Alliance Forums»Feminists»Rest in peace Amanda. Bu...»Reply #8