tonight I finally went to a different meeting. This group is much closer to my house and they finally answered my voicemail message from weeks ago desperately seeking their location.
And whew! Couldn't be more different. I've been to three meetings at the rehab hospital and they've been very religious, very clinical, very dry. Strictly 12 Step and had no answer for an atheist. The meetings were devoted to prayer and all three sessions were an in depth analysis of the Serenity prayer. Nobody ever offered any outside support and frankly I felt pretty awkward there.
Tonight?! 180 degree difference! Hugs and compassion instead of cool analysis. Not religious other than after the meeting, individuals came up and asked for my daughters name to pray for her. Lots of wry laughter at "our" joint predicament. Lots of gallows humor but in the best way - all of us are shackled to this madhouse forever and we're never getting out. Did I mention lots of hugs.... Everyone shared phone numbers with me. Everyone told me to call any time, day or night. I explored their Facebook page when I got home - searingly honest, funny, local.
Some folks had such terrible stories - children in jail, children on their 25th!!! rehab. Everyone just warm, philosophical, accepting even in the face of enormous adversity. I can only hope to someday attain a fraction of their peace - all of them attributing their "success" to this group.
I may have found a "home". Maybe I'm getting better at explaining why I'm "there" but tonight I got through my intro without utterly breaking down. Maybe it's because the warmth of the group enveloped me and I could tell my story entirely buttressed in that place.
I have to go back to the rehab hospital weekly meeting on Thursday to return a beautiful religious medallion one of the members gave me on my first visit. I wouldn't feel right keeping it but since I'm not sure I'll be back, I need to go.
Onwards!
*Brave smile*
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