Addiction & Recovery

And the suckiest part is that I can't actually give up my drug of choice unless I move to an island and become a crazy cat lady. I have a family so it's an ongoing effort to be transparent and to resist enabling and to give the fellow adult members of my family the respect to let them succeed or fail without my incessant interference.

I had a bad relapse this fall, bringing my ex husband back into my life to help him get a job and then when he arrived, I was hit with the fact that he is a prescription drug addict. So I went into full enable mode and quickly went crazy- or rather batshit insane. I guess I can be grateful that it happened so quickly and I was so willing to go back to my 12 step work. Ought not to have ever stopped, but who doesn't make mistakes, right? I need to be gentle and yet unflinchingly honest with myself.

I think all addictions are awful and sad things. They suck the life out of good humans. They are bad monkeys and when they get a hold of us, it's a heavy burden, not only for the addict but for everyone that addict interacts with.