Addiction & Recovery

In other words, a major collapse of pride and ego. It happened to me mostly in one day in 1990 and at a point where I was nearly dead from non-stop drinking every day for years. I had two young kids and wanted to live to help them grow up. I was able to muster the strength to search for help and was in detox a few weeks later but due to my extreme physical addiction to booze, I had to drink heavily literally all the way to the door of the hospital.

Thank goodness, by doing a few simple things we can surrender much of our pride and ego without taking it that far. I finally saw that alcoholism was a physical, mental and emotional disease, no matter how serious it has become but the less serious it is, the more the ego keeps us in denial that we have a problem and it convinces us we can fix it ourselves. Unfortunately, most of us could not fix a problem this complex without help.

AA to my knowledge is the only place you can get free help from others with a drinking problem and that you can come and go as you please, and it's 100% up to you how you use it. Try to look at AA as a box of tools that have worked for millions of others trying to stop drinking and rebuild their lives, but you must decide which ones to pick up to help yourself.

Look at everything you hear at meetings as suggestions that have worked for others and if you truly want to stop drinking, you will at least listen to those suggestions with compassion and humility. Like I was told early in, what I was trying sure as hell was not working so I may as well shut up and hear how those guys with years of sobriety have been doing it.

Many AA members simply forget that we lead and help others by suggestion and by sharing what has worked for us. We must not tell people what they have to do because alcoholics (and a lot of non-alcoholics) rebel when told what to do (think of covid vaccinations, LOL). So, I understand that you bristled at someone telling you to get on your knees. He should have just told you that getting on his knees works for him.

It's unfortunate that some in AA simply cannot leave their religion at the door when they enter, but please flip your thinking and understand that AA allows each member the choice of the tools they decide to use. Also understand that AA allows each group the freedom to be autonomous. That is, the groups decides on the direction they want to take as a group but only if it's in a way that does not damage AA as a whole.

If most groups in your area have allowed religion to infuse their meetings, find another alcoholic that thinks like you and form your own damn group. Yes, you can do that and I helped with a group like that here in Kentucky. All you need is two people and a Big Book or 12 & 12 Book, or just a printed copy of The Twelve Steps and The Twelve Traditions to read. Even the coffee pot is optional. You may even have atheist/agnostic-oriented meetings already in your area!

AA must forever be seen as having its doors open to anyone that wants to stop drinking regardless of race, color, nationality, creed or religion. Therefore, theoretically a black LGBT Muslim female walking into a meeting in the USA Bible belt should be welcomed with open arms. But because we're all human with remnants of our egos and with some desire to control, it does not always happen that way. AA simply relies on the faith that groups that go too far astray from AA Traditions will eventually fail and dissolve. In many cases, they can do as they please but should stop calling themselves an AA Group.

I'll end by listing a few things that have been key to my staying sober:

1. I had to learn to meditate, at least in a way that quietened my very cluttered mind. Thereafter, I could then address an enormous do-list awaiting me after I left detox because most everything in my life was a wreck. After I started traveling in my work, I learned to use that little skill to stop that squirrel-cage brain during rushed, busy tasks.

2. I had to overcome my shyness and make some friends with other alcoholics and ask for phone numbers and meet somewhere to have coffee or just hang out in a park and talk, but the very best for this introvert was one-on-one at a kitchen table. The founders of AA learned in the '30 that sharing our troubles, our history and thoughts on how we're staying sober is a necessity for success. The primary founders Bill Wilson and Dr. Bob Smith did that by visiting drunks in the hospital, in their homes and on the street.

3. I started traveling around the country early after detox to get work and pay my bills and made meetings everywhere I went. By seeing the diversity in meetings around the nation, it taught me how AA is supposed to work but that the basic principles always work everywhere. The differences between meetings in Monroe, Louisiana and Reedsport, Oregon and Newark, NJ made me see their commonality.

4. To avoid drink, I had to start exercising good moral and physical habits, or at least try. That meant things like stop harming others, take better care of my health (including diet and sleep habits) and at least trying to make amends for most of the harm I had done.

5. I read a lot and carried my recovery books everywhere I traveled, and tried to call another AA member or family member each day. With the help of an AA sponsor/helper/friend, I worked on AA's Twelve Steps as best I could while traveling. It was piecemeal but it worked.

6. They suggested I try to find a power greater than myself that I can address in my meditation with humility, and that it can be anything I want - - my '57 Chevy or my 'ole dog, my AA group, or some traditional god if I must. After years of trial and error, I chose the Earth as my higher power and it has worked really well. I can see the Earth, touch the Earth, and I'm free to talk to the Earth anytime. Plus, she always seems to listen!

7. I discovered the phenomenal power of writing things down on paper that were bothering me, making me angry or things I didn't understand. There's something magic in seeing it on paper. Another way to look at that is it "brings things out into the sunlight." When done, we can keep it for memories or just throw it away, and some people find relief from burning their notes. I carried DayTimer daily planners for many years and use that for my notes, sometimes writing in a restaurant after leaving a job for the day.

8. Lots of good sayings repeated in my head: Progress, not perfection. One day at a time. Keep it simple, stupid (KISS). Principles, not personalities. It works if you work it. And, maybe the most important one....

"Don't drink, go to meetings, read the Big Book and call another alcoholic."

If you're interested in learning more about how AA was started and how it's supposed to work, I suggest you get a copy of these books (published by AA World Services): 1.) The AA "big book" labeled "Alcoholics Anonymous", 2. "Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions", 3.) "Alcoholics Anonymous Comes of Age", and 4.) "As Bill Sees It".

The AA Comes of Age book and 12 & 12 book were the ones that allowed me to open my eyes on how AA is supposed to work for both me and alcoholics around the globe.and if you bristle at some of the AA Step work, try reading those first. Just remember that the AA Big Book was written in the 1930s and is quite old-fashioned and interpreted by many as too religious. It is not a book of religion but instead the founders simply used some ideas from religion as part of the foundation (surrender, service, humility, etc.).

Sorry to have rambled for so long but remember we stay sober by helping others and that's worked for me for 31 years. By giving me a chance to share, you have helped me to stay sober today and I say thanks!

KY.......