A midlife epiphany on Mother's Day! [View all]

I'm mid 50's not sure if I'll seek an official diagnosis. On Mother's day I was interested in what people had against Elon Musk, relating to him hosting SNL. I read a small blurb about him being only person on SNL w official DX of Aspergers. I know that's not true, but it led me to seek info about the condition. Something I had read describing the traits, made a light bulb go off. Of course
I started looking for Aspie traits in females.
Suddenly ALL the boxes ticked off, years of not being able to understand, explain, put my finger on things suddenly made sense.
The identifying with males, feeling more comfortable socially, truly resonated with me. I've been made fun of by ex-spouse, siblings, siblings spouses, about this trait. Along with a host of other things that no way could all be there on one list, jibe.

I've struggled my entire life socially, career, family relationships. My intentions misinterpreted to the most horrible conclusions, things that would never occur to me, they don't exist. I'm just so conflicted, my mother who has since passed served as (unknown til now) as my family, social ambassador, then it was my ex. I'm navigating a life I have no idea how to navigate.
I've questioned for years if I was really horrible, self centered, but I knew deep down whatever the definitions for those words are, I don't have that feeling inside myself.
For instance, for me to socialize I rattle off facts I've learned that week, month, morning. Once those facts run out???? people view it as "A know it all" "braggart" selfish, just talking about my interests. But I know nothing else, I don't know to ask about them. I try
sometimes because they do it to me, but it's exhausting, because I don't want to socialize, I'm just doing what seems normal.
Sorry for the long "rant" I'm overwhelmed, happy, excited! The day I realized this was a freedom I've never felt. I know I'm not horrible, I'm not a guy, I'm not gay, I'm not selfish or dumb because I learn in a different way than others.
I'm not sure what I will do with all this. I'm not sure I'll tell anyone other than my child. But I do know I can move forward in the world not wondering anymore.