came to see me the other day, bearing gifts of dried fruits and nuts. I can't eat very much at a time, and these nutritious snacks are just what I needed.
But apropos of you and me (I'm halfway through the "bad" chemo), she said after I complained that my day consisted of sitting in the recliner drinking lots of water and watching tv, that that's exactly what I should be doing. I am a brisk kind of person who likes to get things done, and I sense you are, too, and a lot of my discomfort (emotional discomfort, that is) comes from guilt at "wasting" my time like this. I find I can't read, and I do nod off every 15 minutes or so for anything from five minutes to an hour, so I'm not good company, either. I whined because while I've lost a little weight, the fat I have has all gravitated to my belly because I just sit all day long.
She gave me a little lecture whose gist I'll pass on to you: No one who hasn't undergone what you're undergoing understands how fatiguing chemo is. You don't owe anyone, including yourself, apologies or explanations for your torpidity. If you fight it and try to do things, you will end up feeling worse than you do now. You are not sitting on your ass all day because you're lazy or because you want to. You're sitting on your ass all day because you *have* to. Poison is being pumped into your body on a regular basis, and it will of course make you feel like shit . How can you fight poison? You have to rest your body to help it endure this dreadful assault.
Well, it made me feel a little better, especially since she delivered her tirade in front of my husband.
Are you having nausea? Diarrhea? I've found that if I eat a little something at the first feeling of hunger, something like a piece of cheese or a handful of nuts, I avoid nausea--and mine was awful; retching until my abs were sore. If I eat too much, I'll get nauseated. I think it's like a diabetic maintaining a steady insulin level--not too much or too little. The diarrhea I live with. It's not terrible or constant, and the medications constipate me, which I think is worse.
Please keep me up to date.
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