What to Say When Asked How You Got HIV [View all]

A client I’ll call Sarah told me about a recent incident. “My sister asked me point blank how I became infected. She told me she knew it was either drugs or my ex-husband. It really took me by surprise. I wasn’t sure which was worse in her eyes, but I would learn that once I told her. What was I supposed to do?”

Another client, who I’ll call Joe, reported the question that wasn’t asked. “I had lunch with a friend that I had disclosed my status to awhile back. He went through the names of guys who we both knew and who he suspected could be HIV-positive. I knew where he was trying to go with this and I wasn’t going there. Was I wrong?”

That “who gave it to you?” question can cause a lot of pain. It’s not really meant to be hurtful. Sometimes people are thoughtless, or can’t help but want to know someone else’s business. Still, it can leave you feeling like you are being judged or blamed. This question can bring up a lot of painful memories when you are focused on acceptance and moving on in your life. That question can also be disempowering if it puts you on the defensive and leaves you feeling that you somehow owe them a response.

Has anyone asked you that question? Or, left it unsaid and waited for you to give them the details? Not sure how to respond? Here are some ideas to consider:

http://www.gay.net/just-diagnosed/2013/11/01/what-say-when-asked-how-you-got-hiv