Mental Health Support

Scrivener7

(53,711 posts)

30. What I have found since my mother's death is that, with distance,

Mon Jun 20, 2022, 07:18 AM

Jun 2022

I realize it was actually worse than I thought at the time.

At the time, she had to be dealt with. So we just moved through much of her abuse because it was going to keep coming so it did no good to spend the time or emotional energy to process it.

With distance, there are times when I remember something she did or said and I am just stunned by it.

I think part of that perspective comes from my feelings for my nieces and nephews as I watch them grow. (I have no children by choice.) Comparing how I love and treat them versus how she treated her children. Comparing the things I want them to know about themselves at different ages versus the things she said to me about myself and did to me at those ages. I would seriously beat the crap out of anyone who did to my nieces and nephews the things she did to her children.

Edit history

Please sign in to view edit histories.

Recommendations

0 members have recommended this reply (displayed in chronological order):

36 replies

= new reply since forum marked as read

Highlight:

It's Father's Day. My father is dead and I don't miss him at all. [View all] no_hypocrisy Jun 2022 OP

I am sorry about your treatment by your father at140 Jun 2022 #1

My mother was hateful to me in a similar way. I am quite sure it was not a misguided love. Scrivener7 Jun 2022 #2

You know what hurt me? no_hypocrisy Jun 2022 #6

Find it in your heart to forgive and love your parents at140 Jun 2022 #12

Your father was reluctant. no_hypocrisy Jun 2022 #15

I am so sorry this was done to you. Scrivener7 Jun 2022 #21

Yes, there is a difference at140 Jun 2022 #25

This is insensitive. No-hypocrisy has described an abusive situation, one which was surely Scrivener7 Jun 2022 #20

If everything is true, yes at140 Jun 2022 #26

So you minimize the teller's experience and now suggest that he or she is Scrivener7 Jun 2022 #28

hahaha in every court room there are always 2 sides at140 Jun 2022 #31

This is not a courtroom. You are not a judge or jury. No one has asked you to make a judgement. Scrivener7 Jun 2022 #32

Wrong! I made NO judgement. I never said poster is lying. at140 Jun 2022 #33

Obviously, you do. Scrivener7 Jun 2022 #34

good bye... at140 Jun 2022 #35

Bye now! Be careful about those judgements! Scrivener7 Jun 2022 #36

I know what you mean. At one time, my father decided that saying "I love you" would somehow ... eppur_se_muova Jun 2022 #24

I understand that completely. MuseRider Jun 2022 #3

So sad and awful that you had that experience whathehell Jun 2022 #11

This message was self-deleted by its author MuseRider Jun 2022 #4

I feel the same. My mothers ex biologic partner was not a good man. He left pain & chaos behind irisblue Jun 2022 #5

As to your last statement, AMEN! no_hypocrisy Jun 2022 #7

You have my support, brother. Cartoonist Jun 2022 #8

So sorry you had a crummy Dad. kimbutgar Jun 2022 #9

I feel the same The Blue Flower Jun 2022 #10

There was a time I wanted my father dead. BWdem4life Jun 2022 #13

Thanks for being honest. enough Jun 2022 #14

Sorry and glad to hear at the same time. InAbLuEsTaTe Jun 2022 #16

I know how you feel ReluctanceTango Jun 2022 #17

What a miserable waste of life. Glad you are rid of his physical presence. MLAA Jun 2022 #18

Good for you. You don't know owe cruelty anything. Especially cruelty against a child. MLAA Jun 2022 #19

I am glad you are free. In my case, it was my mother. LoisB Jun 2022 #22

I can sympathize. My dad was not as cruel as all that, but he just didn't like people at all ... eppur_se_muova Jun 2022 #23

Same here but Duppers Jun 2022 #27

Foot Note: no_hypocrisy Jun 2022 #29

What I have found since my mother's death is that, with distance, Scrivener7 Jun 2022 #30