Had a shitty New Year's Eve. Called my family and was put down by my mother who stated I was NOT to [View all]

send Christmas Cards or give gifts as it was Jesus' birthday and not mine. I made the decision to send them 200.00. I had no idea that something good I wanted to do would cause a mess. She called me every name in the book--that I went aganist her wishes. I felt I was caught in a Catch 22.--if I didn't send it they would complain and if I did they would complain.There was no winning. On Christmas, she told me they are not doing birthdays. So I asked, as I am not in on the decisions and if I am told afterward. Her response was to gasliight and say it was up to me. If I wanted to ruin someone's special day by only sending a card, go ahead. Fast forword, she always sent Cards with money to her family on birthdays and other special days.If I only wanted to sent a card-that wasn;t a gift, money was.I couldn't sleep last night. Also said I did not call for Christmas-my phone shows 2 calls, no pick ups , so I left a message both times. Mother said the cats(there are 30 of them} knocked the phone off of the table and erased the message. Can it do that. Lies, lies and more lies. Call ended with me saying I never got a special meal for my birthday as she continues to say she did. She does for my sibllings. I was out of the house at 18, Phone slams down with her crying and screaming she was the best mother. OK. Whatever. I truly wanted to go in the kitchen and get some wine to down my pills. But had sparkling grape juice instead. Phone is put on loudest setting so everyone can hear. I feel hopeless today. I see no end in sight. I have gone no contact with them except for birthdays and special occasions-a call is it. Thanks for letting me rant. I put in the Lounge, but I needed to get advice here. Thank you.