Mental Health Support

MadameButterfly

(1,580 posts)

60. Don't blame yourself

Sun Jan 1, 2023, 06:49 PM

Jan 2023

for not being about to stand up to her as suggested below (no offense to those suggestions, fine if they work for you). Your mom has created an abusive situation in which normal healthy adults cannot reasonably interact. You don't have to fix it.

Congratulate yourself for having survived your mom and having created a life with love in it. Get professional help to mourn what you didn't have, what you should have had. Learning acceptance of that and gratitude for what is working in your life is the road to healing.

Wishing you love and healing for the New Year and many to come.

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Had a shitty New Year's Eve. Called my family and was put down by my mother who stated I was NOT to [View all] debm55 Jan 2023 OP

The best advice I got from a doctor I have seen for years nightwing1240 Jan 2023 #1

Thank you. nightwing. I have been trying. It is so very hard for me as I expected parents to love debm55 Jan 2023 #5

I feel for you. True Blue American Jan 2023 #32

One time as my brother was sitting on my chest, betting the shit out of me, he told my mother to debm55 Jan 2023 #50

Your mother has some serious emotional issues. I am sorry you continue to try. I would turn the page Evolve Dammit Jan 2023 #47

She has gone beyond the goal of punching my baby teeth out. giving me black eyes, etc. It's more debm55 Jan 2023 #51

You need to walk away and tell her you will not continue the abuse. Seek some help to assist you. Evolve Dammit Jan 2023 #57

Or just walk away and stay away. That works too. Enough damage and trauma. Best wishes Evolve Dammit Jan 2023 #58

Is this a religious thing for her? RainCaster Jan 2023 #2

RainCaster, she is Catholic. This Jesus birthday started a couple of years ago. I was not involved debm55 Jan 2023 #6

My goodness. My entire family is Catholic and give gifts on Christmas and birthdays. jimfields33 Jan 2023 #18

Well, when you spend 3,000 a month on computer games and gambling, I guess it can be a problem. One debm55 Jan 2023 #22

I'm so sorry that you are going through this. jimfields33 Jan 2023 #61

I had a friend Rebl2 Jan 2023 #36

Sorry you are going through this. Marcus IM Jan 2023 #3

Thank you, Marcus. debm55 Jan 2023 #8

Exactly Marcus DENVERPOPS Jan 2023 #41

Not too Jesus-like to call you every name in the book. judesedit Jan 2023 #4

Judesedit, I wish I could, but I can't for whatever reason, I'm afraid of her, but I want her to say debm55 Jan 2023 #10

I'm sorry you're stuck on that merry-go-round. I truly meant no disrespect for you judesedit Jan 2023 #55

Don't blame yourself MadameButterfly Jan 2023 #60

IMO, anyone who owns 30 cats has a much bigger problem than what you stated. Eyeball_Kid Jan 2023 #7

Eyeball, thank you. She also has my brother and sister and father their with her. My brother is debm55 Jan 2023 #12

You need to keep your distance True Blue American Jan 2023 #38

Agree Evolve Dammit Jan 2023 #49

This orangecrush Jan 2023 #39

So sorry Debm55 Quakerfriend Jan 2023 #9

Not really, brother was violent to me--called me a pimple faced whore and broke my fingers. Beat me debm55 Jan 2023 #13

I did. I told her to rip up the check. She asked for her's back. debm55 Jan 2023 #23

I did not speak to my parents at all for 17 years b/c of shit like this localroger Jan 2023 #11

But local, I really don't think that she does care. It was a lie about the cats and the cell phone. debm55 Jan 2023 #14

Oh, I'm sure she cares. The question is, what is it she cares about? localroger Jan 2023 #16

Good for you! True Blue American Jan 2023 #40

She sounds like my mother. Look, her Mind is not balanced and there is nothing you can do about Karadeniz Jan 2023 #15

You really do deserve a life free of abuse Tesha Jan 2023 #17

What you want to happen is never going to happen - a normal mother/daughter relationship. patricia92243 Jan 2023 #19

I cut off my family for years for a lot less gopiscrap Jan 2023 #20

Here is a site to the best mental self help group I ever followed Maraya1969 Jan 2023 #21

Please, for your own health, sanity, and well-being, RUN. Do not walk. Do not niyad Jan 2023 #24

This. Wednesdays Jan 2023 #53

When i was 68 I stopped speaking to my mother because every time I did, fierywoman Jan 2023 #25

Go to a trauma therapist and have them help you obamanut2012 Jan 2023 #26

There is a good reddit about parents like that IbogaProject Jan 2023 #27

My brother has not spoken to my mother in at least 15 years BWdem4life Jan 2023 #28

Cult thinking.. Permanut Jan 2023 #29

She sounds like a schizophrenogenic mother - one that gives the child mixed PatrickforB Jan 2023 #30

My brother is schizophrenic, but doesn't take meds. She has told me that I will co own the house debm55 Jan 2023 #56

I'm so sorry. I'll just echo what others have said... Sky Jewels Jan 2023 #31

You have my sympathy perdita9 Jan 2023 #33

The advice given so far seems pretty right on to me. 1WorldHope Jan 2023 #34

Sounds like my mother. Sounds like she has a mental illness. Get as far away from demigoddess Jan 2023 #35

Dear Deb, I am sending you hugs. Only you can choose what to do, but MLAA Jan 2023 #37

I feel your pain debm55 infullview Jan 2023 #42

Congrats for leaving that toxic home at 18. It kept you from turning into a psycho like her. SunSeeker Jan 2023 #43

It is very, very, very, very hard to walk away from a familial relationship, but sometimes... NNadir Jan 2023 #44

My heart goes out to you because you have taken more than you should have to. halfulglas Jan 2023 #45

I had parents like that BonnieJW Jan 2023 #46

The holidays can be rough dlk Jan 2023 #48

Devise a new homegirl Jan 2023 #52

After reading all of this... RainCaster Jan 2023 #54

Lord vercetti2021 Jan 2023 #59

Thank you for all of your suggestions. I feel ashamed of spreading all of our dirty laundry. You are debm55 Jan 2023 #62