Mental Health Support

I am reminded of that famous quote by Yoda:

"NO! 'Try' not! DO... or, do not. There is no try." I am not aware of anyone who has made a successful career of 'trying'. I am not aware of anyone who has felt satisfaction from 'trying'. (Except the orange gibbon, but that is an exception. At least it had better fucking be the exception!)

I am just not one to constantly ask for money. I hate it, in fact. Nothing, and I mean nothing, has destroyed more friendships, familial connections, and business relationships than when someone has to borrow money from someone else. People seem to lose their minds when that subject comes up. Plus, having been burned pretty badly from people who said that 'this was a gift', and then it suddenly was a loan that had to be repaid within a certain time frame, and having had that happen more than a few times, I just don't do it. It makes my skin crawl. If someone were to give me their Aldi shopping cart, I would spend the entire time wondering when they were going to start chasing me down demanding the quarter back, after telling me that it was fine. Because that has happened to me too many times.

Plus, I would love to be actually doing something that created some income, but no one wants a washed up performer that will not work in retail or customer service (which are the only options I have, I guess. It sure seems that way whenever I go talk to someone about trying to find some work).

I was just denied my fourth attempt to volunteer. To volunteer! That means I was willing to go do something for free and to actually try and be helpful. They don't want me. No one does.

I am still surprised that my husband is around, to be honest. He is the only person I have here. That is not by my own choice, but it is how things have played out. No one seems interested in changing that, so I guess I will have to quit thinking about it. It gets very lonely here, because I have no one else but my husband. It is not fair to expect him to be the only person I speak to, yet he is the only person I have to speak to, and the only person in this state that seems to (occasionally) want to speak to me.

The smart person recognizes when the machine is broken beyond repair and needs to be replaced, sentimental reasons not withstanding. This machine is broken beyond repair. It costs too much to maintain it, and it is time to replace it. To do that, one has to remove the old machine.

It is just a matter of time now.