I believe that his mom did indeed sense something was wrong, which is why she abandoned him initially. This is common in nature. Whether it was an infection or a genetic defect, Mom knew what was up. So, God gave him a new mom for a time and you showered him with love and affection. Who could ask for anything more?
Now you are processing grief as any mother would. When the pain subsides, and it will, Tudor will occupy a permanent home in a chamber of your heart (and ours, too!). That brief flash of bright light and life has immortalized Tudor! Your love is now perpetuated in the lives of ALL of us (hundreds of friends), all because of your heroic effort and Tudor's magical life! What a gift! What a legacy! What a blessing!
I can not take away your pain unfortunately. But this grief is a byproduct of your love and Tudor's spirit. The grief will pass, but the mark you left on my heart and many others will remain and remind all of us of your boundless love and of Tudor's magical life for a long time to come.
Take heart, Siwsan. What is trauma today will soon become a lasting legacy of love and a priceless and living memento for Tudor's Magical Life!
Many, many blessings to you!
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