The Onion -- Kelly choreographing Trump's parade [View all]

NEWS IN BRIEF
‘It’s Step, Twist, Step, Dammit!’ Yells Leotard-Wearing, Cigarette-Smoking John Kelly While Choreographing Upcoming Military Parade

https://politics.theonion.com/it-s-step-twist-step-dammit-yells-leotard-wearing-1822815536

WASHINGTON—Wearing a leotard and chain-smoking as he pounded out the measures with his cane, White House Chief of Staff John Kelly screamed, “It’s step, twist, step, dammit!” at a group of Marines on Wednesday as they learned the choreography for President Trump’s upcoming military parade. “Jesus Christ, how many times do I have to tell you it’s step, twist, step, shuffle, lean-and-point, and point-and-roll?” a visibly furious Kelly said as he threw a chair across the military hangar, removed his scarf, and commanded the battalion to “just watch [him]” as he demonstrated the dance in front of a full-length mirror. “Again, do it again! We’ll stay here all night if we have to. Seriously, you call yourselves dancers? It’s like I’m working with a bunch of goddamn amateurs.” After exploding at a private first class whom he sent home for wearing the wrong boots, Kelly told everyone they were taking a “quick five,” and that when they returned, they had better do it right or he would be making some cuts.

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