Folks, I think Ender's Game is gonna suck. [View all]

Yes, I know, it should come as no surprise to science fiction fans that a film adaptation of a great science fiction novel turns out to be a piece 'a shit. Just look back to the hours of your life that you wasted watching:

Dune
I, Robot
Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy
The Postman

All of which spawned from superlative science fiction novels (and notice that I did not include anything from Steven King or L. Ron Hubbard....).

Well, here comes Ender's Game. Remember the key plot point in Ender's game where a futuristic Audi was product-placed?

http://www.dvice.com/2013-8-8/meet-sexy-new-sci-fi-audi-enders-game

Neither do I.

Now, I know that it's impossible to condense a 50000+ word document into a 100 page double-spaced script without tossing something overboard, but one way to guarantee that you have to toss even more stuff overboard is to waste your time writing advertisements into your adapted script.

So there you go. I've claimed for years that even the darkest science fiction is optimistic fiction, for it usually envisions some sort of a future where humans still exist, and science fiction fans therefore tend toward optimism when films of their favorite books are made.

But that also leads to constant disappointment. So be prepared, my friends.