With Britain’s football clubs raising the price of a season ticket by around 11% this year, David Cameron is urging fans to ‘shop around’ for a better deal.

“If I was anything like you, then I’d like football”, declared Cameron. “But I’d also struggle to find an extra £100 for a seasonal invitation. That’s why if I was you, I’d be straight on an Internet, looking for a better value club to swear one’s allegiance to.”

While an Arsenal seasonal invite can cost over £1,000 a year, a similar deal at Montrose can be had for just £90. With such a variation in the price of standing in the rain and shouting at foreigners, Cameron has promised to force leagues to offer football customers their best deal.

“A lot of Manchester United fans just renew their tickets without thinking”, claimed Cameron. “Whereas the smarter ones now support Caledonian Thistle’s U21 girls’ team. That’s why from next week, any fan blindly applying for tickets to a club that’s a rip-off will be sent ones to something much more affordable.”