Astrology, Spirituality & Alternative Healing

Parents did not want me to play with other kids –both were jailers. Mom would run down the sidewalk, in a dress and heels, shrieking my name, with a bamboo switch in hand wanting to thrash me. She called it “running off” in a very negative tone of voice. Dad would lumber down the sidewalk with bamboo switch in hand like Angry Papa Bear.

For some reason, her worst insult at home was “smarty pants”. I don’t know why.

The neighbor kids laughed at her. Most of the neighbor kids picked on me & I left. Lower-class postwar suburbia. I could not have birthday parties or sleepovers. Mom was a hoarder and I shared a bedroom with my sister –the extra bedroom was mom’s junk room. The house was very unlivable—dirt blowing thru and no central AC. Very hot and humid. I had a runny nose and no body took me to the doctor to find out why until high school—filthy house & bad allergies.

Mom gave me a Shirley temple perm—couldn’t understand why I came home crying b/c they picked on me. In high school, she wanted me to wear severe clothes, red lipstick, and no other makeup and look like Joan Crawford. The kids picked on me for wearing lipstick—I wore makeup and did not have dates so I decided wearing makeup did not work, it was a scam. There was no hope for me to get any dates. I was smart. That was the problem.

Teachers called me, stupid, slow, lazy, brilliant and genius. Scored 148 on a Stanford-Binet at age five, but slept too much. Must be
stupid and lazy.

My dad tried to help me fit in, I got a Jane Fonda shag like she wore in the movie Klute—it was hip then. Mom was scandalized that I fit in.

In college, early 70s, I wore blue jeans, t shirts, long hair, no makeup and mom was totally FURIOUS that I didn’t dress up and had lots of dates with smart boys--
Math, physics & engineering majors. She thought I was not feminine enough. I thought if you were feminine you had to be stupid & powerless. She and her friends were frustrated and took heavy tranks (far worse than valium, valium is minor) and didn’t use their educations.

Dad was a dry drunk who stopped drinking but was a control freak. Mom told me what
a bum my dad was (who worked 2 jobs for 15 yrs to feed us) and from her I learned that if you didn’t get what you wanted, you went to bed, pouted and cried. She was a passive-aggressive control freak.

After school I slept for 3 hours each day b/c my thyroid died when I was in sixth grade. I practiced 2 instruments, took lessons, went to orchestra rehearsal and ate and slept. I had no time to goof off b/c I was tired. Mom had the same dead thyroid problem at the same age. I have never had as much energy as other people thought I should have. I was bored to tears in the summer. I did not learn to drive until I was 22, which probably saved my life.